Questions pop into my mind all the time I mean to ask the board about because I want to gain some much needed insight. I believe it will help me deal with my loved ones and friends better if I understand them. So here is my question for today which is two-part:

1) Why when I have said to my husband (who doesn't even go to church) I don't believe Joseph Smith is a prophet, or I believe Joseph Smith made up the BOM, or say I don't believe an angel took gold plates up into the sky, or some of the GC talks are edited before putting it in the Ensign or other such comments, does my husband get so angry at my questioning if he knows the church is true? If I believe something is true and others don't, I don't attack them for the fact they don't believe it; and

2) Why won't my extended family or friends ask me why I left and don't believe anymore? Why aren't they curious enough or care enough to ask?

1. I have seen a double standard so many times in my life, and this is one of the big ones. They attack but we aren't allowed to. I have to wonder if they go on the defensive because, in their hearts, they aren't convinced either and it scares them to hear potential truth. They have to lash out and quickly minimize the cognitive dissonance because it's painful and scary to deal with.

2. Same again. Frightened to hear the truth? Privately wanting it for themselves and thinking that even asking makes it seem so? Maybe just not wanting to associate with anyone not in the church because we're somehow evil now?

The reason they gt offended is because deep down they KNOW the church is not true. Why else would they be offended?

I read this earlier today and I think it fits. It is technically about athiests and christians communicating religious differences, but can apply to this discussion.

http://ragingrev.com/2011/07/strange-double-standards/

They are so used to black/white thinking. Either you are with them or you are against them. Differing opinions are a direct attack on them. Its a cult, a them vs us mentality. No room for diversity.

I occasionally wonder why my extended family has not asked me why I left. I think they don't ask because they assume they already know the answer. I think they also assume that I'm just feeling a little lost, that I know deep down it's true, and eventually I'll come around.

My husband (a JackMo) does the exact same thing. Unfortunately it runs over into other areas of our life as well. :-(

Mormonism from personal experience and observation of over three decades as a young adult convert.

People can become offended when they sense/feel/read/etc. that their generational, familial, patriarchal religious, Eternal Life based tribe is attacked in any way, especially by someone that has been an insider and full member of the societal construct.The invested, believing member often takes the position of: rejection, betrayal,etc., on a very personal level.Not everyone does that, of course, but some do.

Remember that Patriarchal Blessings have one core element: to tell the member which tribe they come from, which is predominately, in their belief: Ephraim.

"Declaration of Lineage

A patriarchal blessing includes a declaration of lineage, stating that the person is of the house of Israel—a descendant of Abraham, belonging to a specific tribe of Jacob. Many Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe given the primary responsibility to lead the latter-day work of the Lord."
REF: http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=17517c2fc20b8010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Parents, for instance, can and do consider they failed in some way if any of their children leave the LDS Church, and will be responsible for that failure in the eternities. This can be heavy stuff and highly emotional.

Reminds me of the old adage: Don't like my dog? You don't like me!

There is a wide variety of responses to members leaving the LDS Church.

Some have a preconceived list of why people leave and stick to it. They go out of their way to slam and criticize the person that left. They often seem like they are retaliating.

On the other hand, some are able to keep personal religious views personal and just don't care what others choose to do or why they leave. They take the position that it's personal and none of their business.

I took the later position as a member. I knew dozens of LDS folks that were "inactive" or left, but unless they wanted to take me into their confidence, I accepted that it was none of my business. My attitudes were probably a remnant of my upbringing before I converted.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or believes about your choices. They are yours and you know your reasons and those are personal, in my view, and not up for discussion, unless you want to share.

Thank you for these answers. It helps me see the thing from different angles. What rings true is that rejecting the faith believed is like rejecting them and all they stand for and all they are. Their tribe. Some don't want to pry, others know deep down they can't defend the belief. Some may think of me as their enemy when before I was their friend. I will read the links given here.
I haven't read the atheist/Christian link yet, but I want you all to know I have learned many things from atheists and value insights and opinions of all kinds.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2011 06:42PM by suckafoo.