My family and I are moving to a suburb of Seattle this weekend. I can't believe it's happening! All my life in Utah with my family here around me and now we are leaving. I love Utah for the scenery and sports but the cultural aspects have been pretty tough considering our change in beliefs.

It turns out that after a year of ups and downs, DW has decided she would like our family to have some "spirituality" and religious tradition and community. I protested for a while but soon realized this is not all about me. I have agreed that we will try religion again after we move to our new home.

To reduce the chance of getting stuck in the Mormon church, I started researching other churches in the area. Here are some that are close by:

Episcopal
Lutheran
Catholic
A bunch of churches that seem sort of Protestant and liberal-ish

Which one(s) do you recommend? I know nothing about them. All I know is Catholics are okay with praying to Mary, which resonates deeply with me. I need a place that is good for kids, allows me to believe in pagan gods and my wife to have a sense of community and retain the Christian type ideas that she grew up with as a Mormon. Maybe we should try out a few to test drive. I thought it would be nice if you all could give me some of your thoughts and opinions of the churches listed above.

Since we're moving to a new area and turning a new leaf, I thought this might be the best time to try a new church. DW is really wanting to give the Mo church a solid "John Dehlin" try. I'm done. I feel going back would cause more stress than is necessary. DW is scared to try new religions because going to a different christian church is more offensive to our TBM family than just going atheist, which has sort of been our path to date.

Enough rambling. Does this make sense? Wish us luck in our church hunt in Seattle!

Thank you,

Smeagol

I would suggest taking your time and exploring as many religions as possible with an open and critical mind. Your short list only includes Christian churches; unless you are dead set on Christianity, I would strongly suggest you also explore other communities. I think a lot of exmos go Unitarian Universalist because they are so very accepting of everything, including atheism.

If she is open to it, you may find the sense of connection and community she is seeking in a more secular setting such as a club or charity organization.

They're just so into name dropping and Henry David Thoreauing and Ralph Waldo Emersoning all over the place.

They claim to be open and welcoming and accepting but ultimately, I found them to be elitist just as most other religions. But instead of claiming they had the "truth," they seperate themselves claiming that they have the smartest.

The UU think they're better than everybody else because they don't think they're better than anyone else, like everybody else does.

That's interesting to hear. I've never investigated them because I don't like any religion. My take on UU from what I had read was that at some point you are so accepting of everything there's just no point in calling yourself a belief system at all. I kind of chuckle because there is UU building directly across the street from an LDS building a few blocks from my house and I happily drive right past both of them.

choose a good coffee shop instead

Yeah but I can't find a good coffee shop that doesn't ask for money. What's that, they have overhead to pay? Oh right.

Visit them , learn about them and take your time. Noone of them should mind if you just drop in and they shouldn't pressure you.

I agree with trying a lot of different ones. We tried almost every church in our town. Churches vary a lot even within denominations. Finding the right congregation can be as important as what religion you choose.

We went to classes offered by the local Catholic church before we attended there. We really liked it. It was nice to be able to ask any question without someone jumping all over you telling you you're an "anti". They were very accepting there and if you decide it's not for you they don't pester you forever after! (at least that's how it was at the church we went to)

I definitely sympathize with your wife about trying other churches. My TBM family was a little... disappointed with our choice to join another church. And it was really scary for me to go to so many other churches. I felt really awkward in a lot of churches. But it was all worth it to find the right fit for our family. And my family mostly keeps there thoughts to themselves now.

Good luck!

I like that you think you will try several. YOU must do that. Any one can be not a good fit when in general the denomination is very good. So go at least 3 times to three or four churches. I didn't see Methodist on your list. Maybe they are not there. They are most places and you are not pressured tehre. YOU come and go as you please. They have good kids programs and also teen programs, scouting, vacation bible school in the summer, Bible study usuall one eve. and one morn. a week, mission work but a lot is local. IF your wife wants to really get a feel for a church, have her sub or assist as a Sunday School teacher. She will see real Bible teachings there and it may just make her very comfortable. Also our church as great music and a contemporary as well as standard church services - you choose your time - 3 choices (one hr. only)

Good luck. I have Lutheran friends, Episcopal friends and Baptist friends. All are happy where they are. Just go and take your time deciding. At Methodist or the other mainstram ones there is no pressure to join - you can go ten yrs. and never be pressured. But you are always part of the group and treated well.

My current pastor came from a Lutheran Church in Seattle. From the stories he tells it sounds like a great community for churches. I second everyone elses opinions about trying several churches and going several times to each. Most churches wont pester you about joining at all. You can even get involved and help in ministries without becoming a member.

As a "nevermo" I have lurked on this board for years but never felt I could contribute to the discussion, but this topic I know. All of the above advice is excellent. Among my kind, we call it "Church shopping." Since you have kids, let them lead the way. You want a Sunday School with a solid basis in the Bible, but the kids must also have fun and want to go. Kids can be running around, dancing, singing, and still be learning about Jesus.
Don't be shocked by the casual dress at most churches these days.
I don't see my denomination on your list, but we no longer believe dressing up is necessary to worship. Most churches will have a pamphlet which explains their core beliefs. Among protestants, your are going to find infant baptism vs. adult baptism, women in the pulpit vs. men only, "open" Communion vs. "closed" Communion. Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit speaks to us too!

As others have said, a denomination can vary from church to church so you might want to try a couple of different locations if you like a church.Congregations can also have their own personalities depending on who attends. Also, in the liturgical churches, there will be more bells and whistles during the main service of the day. The other services [early morning or evening] will likely be more pared down.

given your list of requirements (speaking as a lutheran pastor's wife), i'd go uu or ucc. i think that the episcopal church or lutheran church (if it's elca) would probably want you to be professing a pretty straight christian (though liberal) faith. if it's any kind of lutheran than elca, you're going to have a problem with the pagan gods.

Try the UU's, the UCC, or possibly ELCA Lutheran. Expand your search and go church shopping. There's no rush.

Based on what you said, a UU congregation might be a good fit for everyone!

Episcoal is probably the most liberal of the ones you mentioned. You can attend and take communion without joining,

Some are more into that than others from what I understand, but I'm not an expert.

Places that are more open with their finances, allow more theological dissent, have less centralized leadership, et cetera, et cetera.

A lot of what people are saying above is good. Just keep your options open, you don't have to get it right on the first try. (or even the second, or third)

No Contest!

Do Mennonites put pressure on you to join. I grew up Brethern so there are similarities, but Brethren was more liberal I guess.

Try ones that aren't legalistic with lots of rules. Then tell me what you picked 'cause I can't find one.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2011 09:53PM by suckafoo.

Try the United Church of Christ, or the Unitarian Universalists.

Every Presbyterian church, and probably all the other Protestant denominations publish an annual report which details where every penny, down to the donut money, goes. We also get to vote yearly on whether to keep our leadership or not, and what their salary will be. I knew a UU family, and they were great. They were really into helping the homeless, etc. They seemed to be a very close-knit community.

The Catholic churches around me are great! They are very Bible based and have fantastic youth programs.

The bottom line is to get out there every Sunday morning (or Sat. night) and enjoy the search. If you are new to the community, at least you'll make some friends and do some networking. Presbyterians are known for their coffee hour, too.

The service is traditional, which I like. They don't preach nor stray far from scripture, which I like. People kneel to pray, which I like. The sacrament is real wine, which I like. My particular congregation is open/welcoming to gays, which I insist upon. I have a strong conviction that a church's stance on gays is a significant indicator of whether it is or isn't "Christian". My idea of Christianity is love to ALL mankind.

So what I'm saying is I'm comfortable there and it's best for me. It may not be the best for you. Just get out there and try them on for size.

The Episcopalians are pretty laid back

All are abominations in my eyes. How can you choose a deity, or the denomination of a deity? Did someone put out a buffet while I wasn't looking?

Don't.

"I need a place that is good for kids, allows me to believe in pagan gods and my wife to have a sense of community and retain the Christian type ideas that she grew up with as a Mormon."

I want it all! Christian, but not "too" Christian, iykwim. Small, but not too small and certainly not too big. Good, professional teachers and speakers that keep me entertained but not too high-brow to be boring. Enthusiastic, but NOT fanatical! They should have plenty of activities outside of church and a good sense of belonging, but should NOT bother me if I don't feel like participating in any of them. The people should be friendly and accepting, but not TOO friendly that I feel like I'm being love-bombed. The meeting place should be clean, well-maintained and large enough to be comfortable but not TOO large so that I feel lost. The church leaders should be intuitive and empathetic, and preferably have at least some professional training in counselling and psychology, but I should not be made to feel that I "have to" meet with them unless *I* want to. Most of all, the church should NOT ever ask for money or any kind of donations because that is a real turn-off and commercialism does NOT belong in a church setting.

And a good quality music system. Traditional but not TOO traditional, modern but not TOO modern. It should have a fast tempo so it's not sleep-inducingly boring, but not so upbeat that it gives me a headache. Like the preaching, the music should be Jesus-oriented but not so much that it feels fanatical. It should also be accepting of those who aren't so hot about Jesus but just want nice music. Congregational singing is nice too, once in a while, but only if the congregation can carry a tune and if I'm not expected to join in because I feel embarrassed singing in public but I don't mind if others want to.

Church should not be a place of controversy and politics does NOT belong behind the pulpit, but the church should show that it is still relevant in today's world and demonstrate an awareness of current events and issues. It should show real involvement in the world, but members should NOT be "expected" to participate since we all have busy schedules after all.

Church members and office staff should show that they really care about the congregation and they should know my name when I walk in the door, even if I only show up once a month, but they should not know so much about me that it feels "creepy" or cultish.