All the crazy mormon stories reminded me of something a former neighbor said to me:

He said that he was "fearful" for us as non-mormons.

Why?

Because he "knew" that some random Sunday a gang of burglers would show up in our neighborhood. They would naturally pick our house to burgle (I supposed because we lack the protection of the holy spirit or maybe because we have an extra 10% to spend on stuff to steal). But, alas, the vicious gang would be surprised to find us home (instead of attending sacrament like we should) and would have no choice but to murder our entire family.

This neighbor has moved away but probably still scans his Monday morning paper to see if we've been murdered by his imaginary gang of thieves yet.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Think about that from the burglar's perspective. You go scouting for a good neighborhood to clean out. You turn the corner and find yourself on caedmon's street. All the houses are empty except one, where caedmon is mowing his lawn (work with my little fantasy here). Which house are you going to rob? The one with people in it? Or the empty ones that you know will remain empty for the next three hours, thus giving you plenty of time...

As a smart burglar, who cased out his target in advance, you'd NEVER go with the heathens. Sunday morning is the perfect time to rob houses because you know the entire family will be gone for a huge chunk of time. You could back up an 18-wheeler in front of the house, load the entire house into it, and drive off. Not only would you have no witnesses, but you wouldn't have to spill a drop of blood, and in a mormon neighborhood, you'd have at least three hours to do it. With 3-4 people, I could clear a house out in three hours no problem.

...especially if you've had a lot of experience helping people move (as a member of the LDS Corp's elder's quorum moving specialists).

Don't forget the pictures of the temple and the Profit!
You won't have a coffee pot to sell on e-bay, but I bet you'd have lots of canned jars of fruit!

Be sure to pick up some underwear!!!

I mean, what do mormons have that anyone would want?????

Have you considered calling this ex-neighbor at some very late time on Sunday night and let them know you're still alive?

Not sure where they live now and don't want to bother. His business went belly-up and their house was foreclosed on - by the time the bank got them out the house was completely trashed. (This was long before the current housing crisis.)

caedmon Wrote:
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> Not sure where they live now and don't want to bother. His business went belly-up and their house was foreclosed on - by the time the bank got them out the house was completely trashed. (This was long before the current housing crisis.)


Ah, OK.

So I guess he didn't pay enough tithing then? ;>)

You should have robbed his house whilst he was out at Church...

LDS Inc continually rips off MORmON members for 10 % of their income on every paycheck often for a lifetime, the kind of take that thieves can only dream about !

heres the kind of thief he really should have been concerned about

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ4RZLIX8d4

a license to steal, "I will be honest with you!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMb3YHN1gOA

Yeah, doing a rough estimate based on number of years I've been in the work force and my average salary during those years, if I were a loyal tithe-paying member of ChurchCo I would have been bilked for about 33k by now. Unless you actually physically stole my HOUSE I don't think you could net 33k no matter how long you had to loot my belongings. I'd rather get robbed all at once than slowly and for the rest of my damn life. Also, insurance would give me back a lot of the money if robbers stole my worldly possessions.

You might call him to let him know that there was a burglary and murder in one of the mormon homes down the street.

The robber saw the wife dressed in her night gown and had his way with her. The husband then put a javelin through them both because of blood atonement since the wife was raped the husband knew the only good thing to do was kill his wife for dressing in her nightgown so the rape was really her fault like in the miracle of forgiveness).

my fam WAS BURGLED while we were at SM once...

east of Seattle (carnation, wa). we suspected it was the neighborhood LDS kid who didn't attend much...