Jane: "Hey Bob. I've got something amazing in my Garage. It'll change your life if you see it. Wanna see it?"

Bob: "Uh, okay. I guess. Let's go see it."

Jane: "Whoa! Slow down. When I said 'special' I meant knock-your-socks-off, supercharge-your-life, this-is-going-to-blow-your-mind special. Let me emphasize this. This is extraordinary and is too powerful to expose to the general public. They wouldn't know what to do with it."

Bob: "You're starting to scare me, Jane. But if what you're saying is true, I want to see it. Definitely."

Jane: "Oh, it's true. I can't tell you the details because, like I said, this is too powerful for most people to handle. Hey, Lester, you've seen it. You've been in my garage. Maybe you can vouch for me."

Lester: "Oh, yeah! I seen it alright! It's powerful and sacred and...well words don't do it justice."

Jane: "So Bob, one of the only ways we have of determining that a person is sufficiently mature and committed to constructively dealing with the amazing thing in my garage is to get some money up front from them. Nothing much, really, just a token of your seriousness. We usually only ask for a donation equal to 10% of your income."

Bob: "Can I get a sample glimpse first and then tell you whether I want to make that commitment?"

Jane: "Nope. This is all or nothing. You can't just see it and then unsee it. It'll change your life forever."

Bob: "Well, okay. I trust you and I've been looking all my life for something extraordinary.'

[Two weeks later, after Bob's check has cleared.]

Jane: "Well here we are. This is the garage. Are you nervous? It doesn't matter how amazing you think it's going to be. The reality of it is going to be infinitely more amazing than that."

Bob: "I can't wait! Open the door!"

[The door opens and they walk inside. Lester is waiting for them and is wearing a lime green jumpsuit]

Lester: "Welcome Bob! Have a seat right here." [Bob sits down] "Jane asked me to be kind of the master of ceremonies today to show you that which has been promised."

[Lester then pulls a dead rabbit out of a sack]

Lester: "This rabbit has been killed to symbolize what you will undergo if you reveal what's in this garage to any outsider. Got that? Now I'm going to show you some dance moves. These were revealed to us by space aliens and they activate dormant powers. We don't know what the powers are yet but they will be activated."

Bob: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is not exactly what..."

Jane: "Silence! Silencio! No talking! Shut uppa the mouth! No talking in the garage! Show him the dead rabbit again, Lester. I don't think he realizes how serious this is."

Lester: "Look upon the dead rabbit and tremble for this is important! Now, I'm going to do the dance moves and then you will follow along...."

Narrator: "Now at this point, we would ordinarily expect a normal and sane person to walk out in disgust and maybe even file a report to the SPCA concerning the dead rabbit. But, believe it or not, there are some religious organizations in which equivalent hoaxes are perpetrated and the victims keep going back for more. Go figure."

So perfect, except you failed to mention that the suit was polyester.

I forget, is that Amway or Scientology? Ohhhhh, I get it.....

Awesome

omfg ... lulz !!1!

I agree

You guys make me laugh so hard! I love this site! Grieved for years after my daughter converted and then i wasn't able to see her marriage in the temple to a RM. (yes I'm learning the lingo) But this site has helped me understand a lot and even feel some sympathy for my LDS neighbors.

I have to add that after you come out of the garage, you tell your host that was bullshit. He tells you that you are the only one who thinks its bullshit, but he loves you and knows that's only because you are a spiritual infant. As you continue to view the dead rabbit, your little teeny closed mind will open up and you will begin to see the mysteries of the universe in the dead rabbits eyes, like the other people do.

And you look around and see the other people dressed in white, looking sublimely happy and pleased, smiling and nodding, and figure well, it must be you that is still masturbating, or still drinking or smoking that you can't get the spirit.

You slink away, full of self-loathing and guilt. You pay your tithing when you return to the ward and figure you got what you deserved out of it-- nothing.


Anagrammy

I knew an elderly lady in a former ward who had been LDS all her life, stoutly paid her tithing, attended meetings, and followed the rules. But she refused to go to the temple. She said she was afraid it would not live up to all the hype.

She was right.

I wish I could unlearn and forget everything I did and saw in the temple. The oaths and covenants, teachings, etc. It's a constant source of depression and anxiety for me.

You've missed a couple things:
1) You, Jane and Lester aren't the only ones in the garage. Your family and close friends are also there.
2) The following Sunday everyone gets up in Testimony meeting and talks about how wonderful it was for Bob to finally go to the garage after working so hard for it and the wonderful spirit they felt there.
3) This pressures Bob even more who now has to get up and agree to what everyone said.