Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

I would be grateful for any advice or intelligence on this. It seems I have a sibling who shows all the signs and if this is so it explains a great deal about her interaction with the rest of the family. It isn't very pretty but I could use some advice on how to deal compassionately with this situation whilst protecting the family from a continuation of previous behaviour.

We have another member of the family who is quite poorly (fighting cancer) and need to 'manage' a potentially delicate situation.

Many thanks for any advice offered.

Briggy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2011 04:13PM by brigantia.

Here are a couple of co-dependent NPD recources.

http://www.winning-teams.com/codependent.html

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/157224108X

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

http://narcissisticparents.blogspot.com/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2011 04:20PM by Jesus Smith.

Read this blog.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

It's one of the best resources I've seen for NPD.

This is another excellent resource.

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.html



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2011 05:31PM by knotheadusc.

Wow! Many thanks for the links and the advice.

This excerpt from the blog says it all : "Narcissists are destructive and often dangerous to others. And by dangerous I don't just mean in the mortal sense. They are dangerous to the emotional and mental well-being of others. They destroy lives without necessarily taking lives. This is not normal. Not ever."

This has been typical of her dealings with me since we were children, losing me friends on occasion. Now we're all grown up I find I can deal with her in a more detached way. I just keep her well away from my friends.

She is asking to come and stay with me so she can visit another sister who is sick. I have been asked to 'manage' her visit such that it is kept short and sweet, in case she expounds on her imagined medical knowledge from her imaginary medical training etc.

This is going to be hard work but we'll get through. Many thanks for your advice. You folks are amazing!

Briggy

Ya know, Narcissi-Sis not visiting is also an option. :)

I'm the only one who is willing to put her up as she lives far away. Also, they all know I am the best one to 'manage' her. I don't know where that idea came from but perhaps they think, as we're closest in age (I'm the next oldest, she is the oldest) I won't put up with her games.

I don't but she wears me out just the same.

Briggy

I have one parent and one sister who are narcissists. They won't be diagnosed because they are always the superior people in the room. They find lots of faults in others, but they consider their own actions to be righteous and even inspired. They hear voices in their heads and believe those to be the "Holy Ghost" or some such nonsense.

I don't know of any advice to give. I haven't spoken to these people for years, as normal conversation is impossible. Any attempt at conversing inevitably leads to their well-earned "blessings" and their relationship to the church.

Oh, Briggy!

How sad that people like your sister go undiagnosed and untreated, damaging their poor families.

Good luck with her. I'll be thinking of you. My best wishes to your poorly sister.

There's nobody in the family can bear being around her for very long and we all find ourselves shaking our heads at the antics.

I love the bones of her because she's my sister but that makes it harder to bear.

I just want her to be able to offer some support for her sick sister. We're all travelling on this awful journey together and don't want anything negative right now.

Once again, thank you so much for the advice.

Briggy

It's my experience that people with NPD never get help because they don't think anything is wrong with them. And any professional who dares tell them they are narcissists will get fired in short order! People with personality disorders, especially the so-called Cluster B disorders, don't tend to get treatment because they think everyone else has a problem.

I have a sister who has quite a few narcissistic traits... and my husband's ex wife fits the profile very nicely as well.

then have her stay in a hotel.

If you want to have her stay for only a few days, maybe you could schedule another houseguest to take her place after a few days. Or schedule some home repairs, like painting the guest room. Or give her a definite day to go home . . . you get the idea.

You need to be extra careful that your sister doesn't wear you out. If she makes you ill, you won't be of any help to your family at all.

Narcissists are unaware of the feelings of others. They can't perceive if someone else is tired or sick or sad. Explanations don't seem to work. Instead trying to explain someone else's feelings, "our sick family member is feeling tired, now" or someone else's needs, "our sick one needs to rest." It is better to just say, "We're going to leave now. Visiting hours are over." Narcissists don't like to be bothered with explanations about other people, anyway.

A good way to deal with difficult people is to have as little conversation as possible. Entertain her with a rented movie, invite other people over to your house to act as a buffer, keep the radio on, go out to eat, shop for a gift for your sick family member, have a project going, bury your head in a book.

You could do this during her visits to your sick family member. Bring a good movie with you, or a photgraphs, or a puppy, or a book she can read out loud to the sick person--something that will draw the narcissist's interest away from herself, and that will distract the sick person. Depending on how sick the family member is, you could engage everyone in a game or puzzle, if they like them. All this might seem exhausting, but it is less exhausting than constantly spending time with a narcissist.

If you have lots of mirrors around, she will entertain herself for hours--ha-ha!



With my narcissistic brother and mother, I would use my job as an excuse, and leave the house to deliver documents or run errands, get the car washed and gassed up for for work, go down to the basement to iron a blouse for work. Make sure your private stuff is locked away. I used to lock my financial documents, love letters, and diaries in my file cabinet at the office, when they visited me. You really need to think of yourself--your own sanity at this time. Dealing with crazy people can make you crazy. If you need to vent, you can come here to RFM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2011 06:14AM by forestpal.