Well, my bishop came to my house tonight. He's a new bishop. Not new because he himself is new. He's new because I moved to his, eh, jurisdiction. Anyway, my new Bisho-prick came over tonight to discuss my eternal happiness; my salvation, my sins, my coffee grinder; and the like. Was the previous sentence correct punctuation? No idea. Ask Raptor, that son-o-bitch is a writer.

I told him (the bishop) to shove it where the sun don't shin...ok that's a lie. I was about to say how I manned-up and told him where to go and how far I told him to shove it. What really happened was I was on a walk with my wife and we came home and saw his car parked in our driveway. So we simply walked away from our own house and came back later.

We did a 180 and went the other way until he left. No communication. No confrontation. Nothing.

Well, almost nothing.

It seems that he left a note for us INSIDE THE DAMN HOUSE. To put it simply, he knocked, saw nobody was home and then left a note INSIDE after nobody opened the door. Yes, I know, I'm stupid to leave the door unlocked. And yes, I know, to enter like that is trespassing or unlawful entry or something.

When you think of people who might break into your house what usually comes to mind? Thieves? Burglars? The IRS? Dawg the Bounty Hunter? No...it's probably your bishop and he no doubt has urgent business that cannot wait until tomorrow; you know, like your hometeaching list. The word "hometeaching" by the way, will make any grammatical check shit a brick because it is not a word.

So I was getting to a point here and, oh yeah, these people have no boundaries. Need an example? They post cute sticky notes in your house about who you hometeach after inviting themselves in when you are not home.

In case anyone cares, I have three families to home-teach (ah, the grammatical algorithm likes the hyphen, almost makes it a real word) this month. All of whom will be getting lessons on Isaiah, and if I can slip it in, property law.

That's all I wanted to vent about. Good night RfM.

**Due to MiB's inability to not be sarcastic, and/or avoid using dry humor, and/or his inability to abstain from good vodka, it should be noted that the above is in fact, true and did in fact really happen, about two hours ago. The bishop bastard really did come to my house tonight and I really did walk the other way hoping he'd go away. Then I found a cute note on my coat closet. INSIDE THE HOUSE. So get the f$%ck our of my house TSCC. Also, WHERE THE HELL DOES IT SAY GO INTO THEIR HOUSE IN THE HANDBOOK OF INSTRUCTIONS?

***No persons named Jake were invented in the making of this story.

-MiB

Good Nite, MiB

next time you go out for a walk,Booby-Trap your abode :-)

Call the police and tell them this "person" illegally entered your home. That should get his attention.

I second that. Absolutely, you should report this to the police. What he did was creepy and illegal. And creepy. Did I mention creepy? A man who you barely know WALKED INTO YOUR HOME. If the weird teenager down the street did that, you'd call his parents at the very least. This guy needs to know that what he did was wrong. He probably has no clue that it's wrong, but his mommy isn't there for you to call. That means the police are going to have to do her job.

Yes this happens!
My BP came to me on a Sunday and told me he'd been to my house and saw that my carpet was thread bare. He thought I should get a new one.
"When were you at my house? My husband didn't mention it."
"I was there Friday I didn't talk to your husband."
"I was at work when you came to my house."
"Yes, I didn't know your husband was there but I let myself in and walked around."
"You walked into my house without me being there?"
"Oh, it's okay, I'm your Bishop."
"Well, I'm glad you didn't go into the master bedroom where my husband was sleeping, the dog would have torn you apart."
"I didn't go into your bedroom"
"You may not go in my house with out my permission!"
"But it's okay, I'm your Bishop."

But I wish I could have called the cops on him for going into my home. As it was, it was a small town and the sheriff and he were blood kin..... so the next time I went to work before my husband got up I locked the door.

Horrible to have a Bishoprick open your door and go in your house when you're not home!

One time he came over when I was painting and he knocked on the door. I stood behind it to see what he would do. He opened the door and called through it. If he'd come in I would have slapped him down with a four inch wide fully loaded paint brush. He chose to go away. He was inches from me and never knew I was lying in wait to crown him for coming in my house. Who says BPs don't 'feel the spirit'???? Lol!

Wish you had had a chance to get 'im with your paintbrush, Mormon Observer!

Mormon Observer: I wonder what would have happened if he opened the bedroom door and your husband would have shot him as a burglar.

Could be bigger than that yellow smiley "have a nice day" face.

The t-shirts will have a funny little story in ordinary lettering, followed by the "It's okay, I'm your Bishop" catchphrase in extra-large, bold lettering.

While you were on vacation, I married your 10-year-old daughter....It's okay, I'm your Bishop.

While you were sleeping, I gave you a full medical examination....It's okay, I'm your Bishop.

While you were taking a shower, I let myself in and used your credit card to pay your back tithing. You can thank me later....It's okay, I'm your Bishop.

I found the key to your new car in your purse and used it to drive the boy scouts to the Muddy Bog Campground. Your car rolled down a hill and is now halfway sunk into a swamp....It's okay, I'm your Bishop.

Who's your Bishop baby?

;o)

"It's okay, I only wanted to discuss your masturbation practices."

“When you think of people who might break into your house what usually comes to mind?” --Not my local bishop, MiB. But after reading your story, I guess he *should* come to mind!

For him to think he had a perfect right to ENTER your home when he had no invitation and in fact, was a complete stranger to you is mind-boggling.

Enjoyed your sarcastic rendering of this inexcusable behavior on the part of the bishop. I agree with others that there should be some consequences for the jerk bishop so that he recognizes that this is NOT acceptable behavior. Suggest you find out from the police what your options are.

Good luck. Please return and report!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2011 06:55PM by WiserWomanNow.

WiserWomanNow Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Suggest you find out from the police what your options are.

Agree. A perfect stranger entering your house without permission? Not acceptable.

I would also read him the riot act.

Dude...all I gotta say is...

You need to exercise YOUR dominion over YOUR house....

If that happened to me (a nonmo who doesn't know any boundary-less mormons trying to get me to go to church), I would have a serious "chat" with whomever did that..

Just sayin......

I had a momentary spasam of guilt because I laughed. The bishop violated your home. Not funny. But, it's not my fault you were writing under the influence (very effectively), therefore making me laugh.

Oh the pure joy of having to maintain a mo front. I look forward to the day you don't have to any longer. Just give me a heads-up so I have time to duck and cover.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2011 11:57AM by Queen of Denial.

+1 to QoD - I was thinking all those same things!

Yeah that was a PWI post. I think I wrote it rather well considering I barely remember writing it. I had today off so I may have enjoyed liquor a little too much. Oh well, carry on.

Which is why my best activity whilst intoxicated is dancing like a maniac. ;9

Dude, CALL THE DAMN COPS. LDS inc. hates bad press. If you make it clear that you will make noise about this behavior they might actually back off.

Seriously? Why would a bish think he could just waltz into a home uninvited? I don't even let my in-laws pull that. Much less some guy I barely know.

Wow... the sense of entitlement is astonishing! I would blow a gasket if someone did that to me. And my dogs would probably rip the intruder apart.

A rather barkity watchdog, kinda like me. I sound a lot bigger'n what I am.

Other thing that comes to mind is that these people gotta be nuts. If for no other reason than not covering their own @$$es! What's to stop someone from calling the cops...

"All I know, sir, is that this man walked into my house when no one was home. And now my great-gramma's diamond ring- yeah, it's like 3 or 4 carats, sumthin like that- is missing. I mean, it was right HERE [point}."

I think he should get a dog and the Viper, so when mo's approach his house whilst he's out walking the dog, it will forcefully state:

"Step away from the door you Mutha F*&kers."


I guarantee they will leave, possibly running to their mommies to tattle.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2011 01:02PM by Queen of Denial.

You live in Utah, right?

I'd definitely call the police if someone entered my home without permission. Only my building manager, my bf and my best friend are allowed to do that, and they all have keys.

I'd also make sure nothing is missing. He's the Bishop, he wouldn't steal from you, right? Yeah, and priests don't molest children.

because I keep the doors locked (okay, I leave the sliding glass door open to a fully fenced back yard so the dog can go in and out)--but my front door that is the only door open to the street is ALWAYS locked.

Why couldn't he leave the note on the door--like my ward does?

***No persons named Jake were invented in the making of this story.
DAMN THATS FUNNY RITE THAR!!
well i am a nevermor.... but in my terms.... i would go to that guys house myself and let him know in no uncertain terms..there is an ass whuppin next time..... depending on his reaction....he might get an immediate one!! he needs a good bitch slap!!! :)

It's hilarious, but I'm with the others who said REPORT IT. I'd go ape-shit if somebody entered my house while I was gone.

I would also like to add that he needs a good bitch slap down.

He's an arrogant little weasel and they don't learn lessons in life by observing normal social and human interaction in society......they just do what ever the hell they want to do. Until life dishes out a lesson the hard way. Reminds me of hometeachers in Utah/BYU and their superiority complex disorders.

I've had to deal with that before too, but it didn't get ugly....the dude just ran off during our "discussion".

Be sure to leave him a note. Hell, make yourself a sandwich!

And that, my friend, is how he knows you have a coffee grinder. He also knows when your wife is on her period and what color her Thursday bra is.

Lock the door!

Ron

I second all the others who say you should call the police.

Have that criminal arrested!

I would call him and start with "who the F&*K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" and just let my emotions dictate what comes out of my mouth until the pri%* hangs up.

I would definitely report this to the police. The only time someone better open my front door without my permission would be to yell that the house was on fire!

Reminds me of when the Mishies knocked on the door and talked to Stephie while I was at work. She works from home so we put a sign on the door that reads No Solicitation so she wouldn't be interrupted in her work, but the Mishies told her that they figured it was ok since they were doing the Lord's work.

No boundaries, none at all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2011 06:54PM by tsawyer2.

door close, I told her to stay back while I went ahead of her to check it out. I grabbed my shotgun from the garage, where I had kept it since pheasant season. I stopped, listened for a minute, then came around the corner slowly...it was terrible, I just shot him, I was protecting my wife, my home, my possessions"

Sounds plausible to me.

Report this home invasion to the police, including that your six-caret D Flawless emerald-cut diamond that you left on the coffee table is missing.

Or write a letter to your local newspaper.

Your post is amusing, but the situation is not. Nobody has the right to enter somebody else's home without invitation.

Report this home invasion to the police, including that your six-carat, D Flawless emerald-cut diamond that you left on the coffee table is missing.

Or write a letter to your local newspaper.

Your post is amusing, but the situation is not. Nobody has the right to enter somebody else's home without invitation.