As most of you know, my youngest son has had problems which included jail time that ended recently. With caution, I listened to him say while in jail that things were changing, it won't be the same, I've learned some lessons.... I took it all in with a "fool me once..." outlook.

Well, it's been 7 weeks now and I'm pretty proud. The trash magically disappears from the house along with the recycling, he asks permission to do just about everything, he's enrolled in commercial diving school, and he got a job yesterday.

I'm still not to the point of fully trusting him yet, but things are looking good at this point. He's up every day at 5:30AM, gets himself off to school, keeps his shit stowed in his areas and never refuses or grouches when we ask for his assistance with chores. Around 10PM each night his eyes roll back in his head and he goes to bed. I've heard him (and read on his FB) tell old n'er-do-good friends "I'm not into that shit anymore. I'll have lunch or go have a drink, but partying ain't in my plans."

I had to laugh (under my breath, of course) when he was complaining last night that he didn't have enough time to study for two tests he had today. "Shit, Dad!! This is fucking hard and I have to read this whole chapter and that little book and take two practice tests!! I'm 'unna flunk!" Just got off the phone with him and he scored 82 and 92 on the tests. LOL I think he's realizing that he can succeed in something more meaningful than being the most stoned person at the weekly Rave.

Okay, that's my report and I'm stickin' to it. I'm sure he realizes he's coming up the Trust Curve fast and he's enjoying the benefits.

Just sayin'...

Ron

One of my nephews lived with me for a yr or so after his mother kicked him out. That sounds harsh, and I don't recommend it and hate to see it happen, but sometimes I guess parents have just had enough. As a person with no children, I can't say much as I haven't really been there, done that, and it's too easy to judge. I can't see myself, though, kicking a kid out as I'd be worried that s/he would get into even more difficulties, such as homelessness, substance abuse, victim of crime, hopelessness, suicide, etc. I can see that they can strain you to the breaking point though, which is when they tend to get kicked out by parents at the end of their rope. Nephew disrupted our household by staying out into the wee hours, causing me severe anxiety, not to mention a lot of lost sleep. He would set off for school but not arrive and I constantly fielded calls from teachers complaining about his absence when I'd thought he was in school or if he did attend, calls to complain about him disrupting the class. He'd also bring friends home for "snacks" that comprised my entire weekly food store in one go. He used (soft drug) at my house too, which I couldn't abide but couldn't get him to stop either, short of kicking him out.

Eventually I was ratty from sleep deprivation, frustration, and anxiety about the smoking/drugs at my place (I was a police victim services volunteer at the time so had to be absolutely law-abiding, as did everyone in my home). I also had four "adopted" kids that I was looking after at the time (refugees from war) as well as working full time. When he persistently refused to attend school regularly and wouldn't fall in with the household schedule (him being up all night/sleeping all day wasn't working for me) I finally had to ask him to make other arrangements but told him he was welcome to stay until he had a place to go and that he was always welcome to visit any time. That to me is not the same thing as kicking a kid out onto the street.

My point (finally!) is that eventually he straightened up and ended up wanting to go back to school. I was glad I hadn't expended too much emotional energy agonizing over his school performance (although I did at first) as in the end it came out okay. Against my worst fears, he did turn out to be a pleasant and useful human being. I'd say it was worth the effort and for relatives at least I'd extend the opportunities as much as possible. I think nephew was one of those kids who can't fit into a rigid school structure - he just could not sit or stay still. Teachers couldn't take him wandering around the room (I don't blame them for that). He also had a lot of trouble reading and that really frustrated him. Since then, he has become more interested in reading and I'm happy to help him with that. Some things just take time.

I know that's a far cry from what seems to have gone on with your son, Ron, but it was a crisis in our lives at the time. I commisserate totally with anyone who has tough challenges with kids. It was agonizing for me to come to the point of asking him to shape up or ship out but for sheer self-survival I had to do it. I couldn't do my job properly and look after the other kids on zero sleep! (We were either up waiting for him to get home or at least report in or sleepless due to anxiety about him in general).

The outcome in your case is heartwarming. It's well worth not having given up on your son. He's fortunate to have a nice home to come back to and it's great to hear that he well appreciates it.

I hope the news continues to be good. Sounds like it will be!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2011 12:16PM by Nightingale.

Great story, Ron! Seems like he found a subject he enjoys, and is wrapped up in how much it is challenging him to learn.


p.s. being the most drunk person at the weekly rave is MY job! He needs to back off!!!

i know what a rant is..... LOL.... sounds like we have a proud pa here again!! sounds like he learned something good in Jail... a lot of times "they" learn more bad shit in Jail!! heres hoping it sticks!! :)

Me too!

Rave: drug infested "concert" with dancing and weird clothes and kids sucking on binkies to keep from getting ecstacy dry-mouth, lots of techno-music and black lights and day-glow colors. My son was the "whippet" supplier (NO2 canisters to huff and get high).

Ron

and they were selling whippets in balloons and "doses".... (dont ask.... but i did)....and people were walking around with big buds like it was nothing...... i never made inside to the concert .... hehehe........... ah nothing like a Grateful Dead concert....or not!!! :)

I hope that your son escaped from the rave scene before he started liking dub-steb. There's no coming back from that.

Congrats to you and to him. People can absolutely change so long as they make the change themselves, and it sounds like he's got his heart in the right place.

Nope. He was into dubstep. Skryllex? He has some cuts from that dude. I don't understand the whole genre, nor the whole DJ concept, but I know dubstep. Reminds me of robots.

Ron

My little sister just got into dub-steb. I'm not a fan of the electronic music scene in general, but I understand its usefulness as a noise to be danced to. Dub-steb isn't even something you can dance to. It's just terrible. Funny story, me and a group of friends were comparing stories of our wild partying days and one of our friends asked another what ketamine does to a person. Overall consensus: Ketamine makes you like dub-step.

As long as they are alive, there is hope. Enjoy each "proud" day. I totally understand the days it seems there is little hope in their future.


wings