I’m just curious. I was once a reasonably active member of a traditional Christian church with an active family etc. and didn’t seem to have too many issues with leaving the church. Family and friends weren’t too much of an issue etc.

I’m just wondering because I have a Mormon friend who I think may be having doubts but I doubt but I wonder if she will ever find a way to get out.

On the flip side she’s one who Mormonism seems to work for her so maybe its not a bad thing?

Mormonism usually appears like it's working for people on the outside, but they are miserable on the inside trying to convince themselves that they just need to try harder.

I would say that on the spectrum of difficulty in leaving a group, LDS is way down on the difficult end.

Lost Mystic Wrote:
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> Mormonism usually appears like it's working for
> people on the outside, but they are miserable on
> the inside trying to convince themselves that they
> just need to try harder.

I had that exact experience from the inside. I was miserable every Sunday from the sheer weight of the comparison between myself and seemingly-happy and perfect people who were probably just much better at lying than I was.

The Mormon church has cult-like aspects most other religions don't. Oh, sure, they look all normal on the outside, but there's some sever mental manipulation going on.

Yes... leaving Mormonism is much harder. Why do you think this board is titled "recovery from mormonism"?

First you're taught that "the church" is perfect and any doubt or disbelief you have are because you are not good enough, sinning, or simply of weak character. This causes many of us to initially hide our doubts out of shame and fear.

When you finally come to terms with your self-doubt and admit to those you trust and love that you nolonger believe the response is usually hurtful and damaging. In my case, my wife divorced me within a month and the people I considered to be my friends distanced themselves from me, to the point of shunning within weeks. I got off really lightly, my family aren't mormon, so they were very supportive of me during a time when my life was in transition.

Yes, way harder than many. I suppose though that Islam may be harder. After all, Mormons gave up killing apostates after the rein of Brigham Young.

Membership in most Churches is not nearly so all encompassing. To Mormons, everything you base your life on is dependent on the Church being true. For Mormons who have truly believed, finding out the truth is devastating and traumatic. Add to that that you will loose many if not all of your family and peer relationships.

I will always be "recovering". It is not an easy thing.

+1

I think all cult like religions are hard to leave by design.

Some yes, some about the same, some easier.

Try to leave the Amish for instance,- you are shunned by your own family for life..... or the FLDS, or JW, or Scientology, or other strict religions. I've been told it's hard to leave Islam, even can get killed for becoming a Christian.

Compared to some of those, it's a piece of cake to leave the LDS Church. We are alive. That's really important!!!!
There is no official shunning where no family member will ever speak to you again, including your own parents. You are still part of your local society.

You do have to create a whole new World View for yourself and your family if you all leave. It's more difficult for some because of where they live, but it can be done.
Some find it easier than others.

Compared to what I have seen done to people around the world that leave their generational religion, leaving the LDS Church is easier on many levels. In the extreme, some can lose careers, jobs, important places in the community, scholarships, and have many, many other problems.

Some, like me, and most of those I know personally, they made the adjustment. It took some time, but they still have reasonable relationships with most of their families both LDS and not.
Generally, people adjust to our changes.

that having the worst suicide stats in the country for young men and inactives is a form of shunning and isolation into suicide?

Doesn't the overconsumption of prescription pills testify about how hard it is to leave it? People so unhappy they kill or numb themselves does not a success story make.

I don't see the JW's abusing drugs and hanging themselves anywhere even close to Mormonism's record.

Finally, what other religion guilts children about masturbation to the point they think they're so worthless they kill themselves at 15? We see MULTIPLE cases like this in Mormonism.

And that doesn't even include the suicide problem with missionaries and returned missionaries.

Yeah, Mormons no longer kill apostates, they just make them not want to live.

Anagrammy

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2011 08:49PM by robertb.

It also depends on how seriously one took to the doctrines (AKA: Miracle of Forgiveness). Some of these phobias could scar a person for life.

Eric2 Wrote:
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> It also depends on how seriously one took to the
> doctrines (AKA: Miracle of Forgiveness). Some of
> these phobias could scar a person for life.


Agreed! Some of us, maybe because I was a convert, knew when I was reading very old myths and goofy ideas that were not scientific fact, like some of the nonsense in Miracle of Forgiveness... and Helen Andelen's book Fascinating Womanhood, and that McConkie's book Mormon Doctrine was his personal opinion and not standard doctrine. Maybe that is why it was easier for me to get out of Mormonism. It was easier for me to ditch the programmed religious notions, some that were a little too bizarre.

If you are comparing it to mainstream Christian denominations, then yes, it is much harder to leave.

If you are comparing it to other "fringe" denominations, then it probably is easier to leave than most.

Yeah I was meaning mormonism vs other mainstream religions. I would almost call mormonism mainstream right...?

What is this miracle of forgiveness doctrine? Can't say I've heard of it?

It's much more cultish than the Methodist, most Baptist, Catholic or other prominent churches.

The mormon church has home visit programs where two women visit monthly and spy on how devout the family is in case they might be failing in some way and need "help." Two men are also assigned to visit every household to see if "help" is needed. These visitors are sometimes expected to offer food, rides, babysitting and such in times of need. This is to anchor the family into the organization making it hard or imposssible to walk away.

The church also has an expectation of visiting or "fellowshipping" anyone who tries to pull back from church activity. This isn't an outgrowth of friendliness. It's a hardnosed assignment with follow meetings and strategy planning sessions.

In addition the mormon church recruits an army of elderly missionaries and trains them in detective tactics to track down members who try to escape. Most here have received calls and/or letters from this arm of the church asking us where to find "lost" family and friends. Or we have experienced aggressive harassment from the church after leaving.

Deciding to leave is difficult because of the fear of losing family and friends. Then, once gone, it can be very difficult to fend off subsequent lovebombing and harassment.

None of the above is normal procedure in a mainstream Christian Church.

I was a little wary of posting my Confirmation Pictures (Episcopalian) on my FB as some of my more distant family members did not know that I was converting. I am pleased to say that everyone posted positive comments and congratulations. Found out a couple of my out of state cousins had left the Roman Catholic Church as well and became Presbyterian, Lutheran and UCC. No biggy, at all. I suppose it may be an issue when my parents pass away, as I will not be welcome to receive communion with my family members who still remain RC.....but aside from that....

It is one of the very hardest to leave because, like all cults, the key ingredient is to manipulate the member into investing heavily in the religion--financially, but especially time.

It is a well known fact that people are very unlikely to turn away from something that they have put their heart, soul and dollars into whether it be religious or secular. Most remain and continue to "throw good money after bad" long after there are any good returns on the investment.

The average christian religions do not require such an enormous investment from their members as the mormons do. And when I say investment, I mean not only the tithing, but the heavy investment into self denial. When you have such control over someone that they deny their most natural instincts such as masturbation, that is a very, very hard control bond to break.

The natural man is not an enemy to God. God is an enemy to the natural man.

A great deal more effort is expected in Mormonism--not that it produces much in results. I think that makes it harder to leave, because the level of commitment is high not just for oneself, but others as well.

Sunday service meetings are longer: 3 hours vs. 1-2 at most churches
Missions: 18 - 24 months living with people you may not like; teaching bizzaro stuff.
Hometeaching: no comment
Interviews: Especially as a teenager, I felt like I was being interviewed all the time.
Temple: on top of 3 hours of boring meetings on Sunday
Activities: usually one or two a week, or more
Leadership stuff

Etc...

Plus if you have a multi generational family, like mine, you go to a family reunion and feel like a stranger in your own family. Because it's so intense, even if you leave all these other people are still neck deep in it. That means it is a good portion of what they talk about. In addition, to some extent they probably feel that your apostasy reflects poorly on them.

If you fail to materialize for several weeks, most mainstream churches simply assume that you don't want to be there any more, and that's the way it goes. They leave you alone.

The Mormons, on the other hand, will hound you to death with calls, messages, cars, cookies, love bombings, visits by local suits, you name it.

You have to formally resign to get rid of them.