Can any of you describe the effect on yourself of being in the mormon crowd and you describe yourself as a shy person?

Personally,it was the worst thing imaginable for me.
I felt and always would feel horrible in a Mormon crowd.I would feel like I am not worth anything as person the way I am.
I feel so much more normal being away from involvement with Mormons.There are many peopl in this world with hugely varying degrees of shyness.I felt like I was the only person in the world to have to suffer the indignity of being the way I am when I was active as a Mormon 15 years ago.

They need smiley exuberant spokepeople to do mishie work and give talks and class lessons. So they treat more reticent members as if they are flawed and need fixing.

I was shy as a mormon, but not so much as an ex-mormon because I no longer feel pressured to play a stage part. I was tired of those mormon games. Now I'm free to be me.

They also want people who are suitable to say,I am a Mormon and I am a champion skateboarder or football player.A shy person would fail at this.They want to make television stars out of such people like the Scientologists.

I am still very shy after all these years. I hate meetings and thing where we are supposed to speak, it always ends badly for me. After 50 years it has not gotten any better.
In the church, they wanted us to all be walking examples and testimonies, ready to bear witness at the drop of a hat.
I think when I was giving a calling teaching, that is when it started to hit me that it was all made up, cos a real heavenly father would ,

1) know better.
2) not put me through that.

Indignity is a good word. You can be a hard worker,help others out, do your best. But if you can't stand up a nd state that, you are not much in their eyes.

I'm very shy and never lie. I also have ocean front property in Arizona for sale if you're interested.

Ron

I was shy as a Mormon socializing with Mormons. But I also spent five years never really feeling good enough for all the judgmental jerks in the church. A handful of exceptions to the rule became my friends, all of whom I secretly suspect of being NOMs.

There's just something about saying hello to people and getting ignored or brushed aside, over and over, that wears on the soul and burns away your self-esteem to nothing. As long as someone buys into the broken mentality of TSCC, they can't help but take it personally. After all, Mormons are supposed to be such good people, right? So it must be me, right?

Screw 'em.

silverlightx Wrote:
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> "There's just something about saying hello to people and getting ignored or brushed aside, over and over, that wears on the soul and burns away your self-esteem to nothing."

Boy, you nailed it. That was my situation and my feelings between 5 and 15. Big huge ward where I felt like a was a lillte nobody lost in a middle of a crowd, and when I would try to overcome it, that was exactly what would happened. And the few times I was aknowledged it was as my parents' daughter or my siblings' sister, never just for me.

Fortunately, when I turn 15 we moved in another city and it was just a small branch. The few youth that was there were happy to see us arrive...well, they were only 5 or 6 and were almost all related, and here was a family with one 15yo grl, one 13 1/2yo boy and one 12yo boy. At least in that branch I was recognized for myself and I ended up having a lot of opportunites to grow.

> "Screw 'em."
Now today, my thought exactly!!!

I like what Cheryl said about, "Play a stage part".

Nothing agianst the drama club at my high school but it always seemed like that club was just not for me and it had a way of attracting people who wanted to wear all of their emotions on the outside.....like a group who just had different boundries than the social norms. There is a huge difference between how hollywood wants to live out their lives and how the average person wants to live more discretely and have some privacy. In a way I think that the PR folks in marketing are of the same background sometimes and that has eeked its way into mainstream LDSinc culture. Its a narcissistic club culture where the group allows the illusion of grandiosity and acting like you belong is rewarded. The greater the act the greater the praise and recognition in the group. Some people (like the drama club personality) immediately catch on and pick up on vocabulary and social cues. Others who value identity and individuality and have been given recognition in NON-LDSinc schools or homelife for acting NORMAL dont want to play that Drama club game. People who are often exceptionally intelligent can take more of an observing role (sometimes interpreted as shy) and also dont want to be in the Drama Club.

Im glad that I dont want to fit in with the Drama Club mentality of Every Member a Missionary, Be an Example, God is always watching, Remember who you are.......what a bunch of crap. I know who I am and I'm NOT some charachter in a play or some Hero in a book, just a regular person with shortcommings and faults. If I were to get a grade in Drama it would be an F. Im good with that because I don't want my life to be a part in a play where I am going to be graded.

Be happy your shy....it means you are normal. You understand social norms to your own level of wanting to participate. Shy is good unless it affects your ability to function or survive in life.....many shy people are incredibly happy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2011 10:51AM by upsidedown.

I treasure my privacy and abhor "the drama club mentality of every member a missionary, be an example, god is always watching." I'm sure if I'd remained in that setting and culture, I would have ended up sedated in a padded cell for much of my life.

Some of us lose energy from social contact, some gain energy. It just wears me out.

I saw as I matured that the church would never value my type. I detested giving talks, bearing testimonies, putting on a happy face. The church made it clear I was born a sinner because of it.

It would have been much harder to leave if I'd enjoyed it all.

Surveys on this board since its inception have shown that there are LOTS of us who leave. The church really should think this through more.

Oh, gosh. Right up my alley here. I once went inactive for 3 years because I realized that I really wasn't enjoying church at all. I spent every Sunday School class and Relief Society class hiding behind someone large, so they wouldn't see me and ask me to read or say a prayer. Then I'd breathe a big sigh of relief when they didn't pick on me. I thought, "Well this is no good. I'm miserable here."

I went back 3 years later after I attended an active friend's birthday party and some obnoxious guy dared me to go back. That was when I was between 18 and 21.

I refused to call anyone to make a Visiting Teaching appointment. I always made my VT companion do it. It took me 13 years to finally get up the courage to bear my testimony in church, and 14 years to finally give a talk. I wouldn't teach a Sunday School class.

My callings revolved mostly around my typing skills - doing up a newsletter, bulletin, transcribing genealogical records, typing Patriarchal Blessings - stuff like that.

But yeah, being in a very social church when you're timid can be a real challenge.

I hated going to church. I went because I thought I had to. BUT someone told me years ago that I'm not shy, I'm reserved.

Like Heresy above said--people gain energy from social contact and others lose energy. I very much lose energy from social contact. My entire family does.

My mother was raised by 2 deaf parents and she was very antisocial--as were my brothers and sisters. My dad didn't attend much. We were pariahs. It was my ex who finally said to me though that "You were NOT happy as a mormon."

Nope--I don't miss the social aspects AT ALL. I went because I thought I had to and for no other reason.

i am just a private person.so many mormons feel they can just show up at your home anytime they want to. i really hated that. felt nosy and invasive. then if you,your kids, and home didn't look perfect they would gossip about you. many times i would hide out when door bell rang. some would walk around the house and peek in the windows! one helped themselves to my garden on the way out! unbelievable!Another time a lady dropped by unannounced sat in my drive way and called me on her cell phone. scolded me on my answ. machine for not answering the door. Told me I was being rude! wow what a screwed up bunch.

Well, I guess the official term for me would be Introverted. I've taken the Myers-Briggs personality test several times and always have a perfect 100 score for the I (introvert). It is physically and emotionally draining/exhausting for me to be in a group of people. I'm fine one-on-one, but put me in a small or large group and I shrivel up.
Therefore, being an active Mormon was miserable for me. I always HATED everything but obediently went along with the program because I thought I had to "endure to the end."

A Lot of people won't go to nudist parks/events because (as they claim) they're shy....

or, is it because they're 'modest'?, haha



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2011 01:30PM by guynoirprivateeye.

Such a kidder she is.

By the time I was an adult I'd gotten over a lot of my innate shyness, but I always thought the absolute worst thing was to proselyte the religion with the "every member a missionary" bs. It simply isn't in my nature to approach people as a salesperson, that's the worst possible job I could ever have, and that's what being a member is. A salesperson. Well at least the full-time missionaries are. I NEVER fasted & prayed about finding someone to share the gospel with. Because I learned early on that the few times I tried it were disastrous, without exception. I wasn't a salesperson and I refused to have false, manipulitive relationships with people, so by that standard I am a Mormon failure, and damn proud of it.
I will say though, that going through the experience of leaving Mormonism has made me far more aware of social justice issues and the like, after living a repressed life in the Mormon closet for 22 years. I am a much more outspoken and empathetic person these days, because circumstances, life experience, and the inevitable anger I felt when I realized I needed to leave the steaming big pile I'd uncovered compelled it of me.
I still have a lot of shy, reclusive, loner attributes, and firmly believe in "live and let live" over all the pointless, counter-productive dogma and expectations that dictated my life for so long.
I think I can say what a lot of us have learned to say: It feels good to be me :D

I wouldn't call it "shy", but I am an introvert. You are completely normal... just an introvert. I never liked church or social climbing situations. Mormons are very into the social climbing/social power thing. My wonderful parents never believed in the BOM, so they didn't force me to go. I am one of the happiest people I know, and I think a lot of my happiness stems from my not caring about my social standing in any situation. I have a great husband, 3 great kids, and a few terrific friends. (I am not anyone's friend unless they are funny and down to earth.) A great book is "The Introvert Advantage". http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=the+introvert+advantage&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=9919890237597279041&sa=X&ei=PGiDTvEMk92IAp6I6Y4N&ved=0CDYQ8wIwAQ

I guess I was blessed with the gift of BS. I have never been really shy per-say. I never had a problem getting up and giving a talk or teaching a lesson. In fact, teaching was what I did most of my time when I was a member. One time many moons ago when I was teaching EQ but I was inwardly a no-mo I went out this Saturday night and got absolutely drunk on my ass. The next morning I had to teach so I spent about 15 minutes prepping the lesson and went just for Phood to teach it. Afterwards several of the guys came up to me and told me what a spiritual lesson it was and how they wished they could be more like me. :o) I laughed all the way home that day.

So no I wasn't shy, I just didn't have a problem playing the part of being a good little mormon boy while living la vida loca in my little closet. It was a huge relief when I finally came out and told everybody I was done though. Now I live la vida loca openly and it is so much fun!!!

I was shy as a Mormon at church. Especially as a convert! Despite my username, I'm not so shy anymore.

=D

It's one of the many things about myself that I wish I could change.

I am terribly shy... I hated teaching/talking, and would have terrible headaches after speaking.

Mormonism did push me outside my comfort zone, and I'm grateful for the experience to push those limits. That said, I was always made to feel bad about being shy... it was something that I needed to "overcome". In retrospect I think a true christ-like church would welcome me for who I am and not try to force me to fit the mold of "outgoing, cheerful, and white."

can't respond-- too shy.

I'm an introvert who loves my privacy and solitude.

I can spend days on my own and be perfectly happy (actually I love it, require it even).

But shy? No. I can be bubbly and outgoing if I see the point in it but most people I meet are surprised by hermetic tendencies.

I was very shy growing up and in the church. I left the church when I was 18 so I didn't ever have to deal with callings among other things. I don't think that I am necessarily shy now, but I am kind of quiet until I get to know people better.

I wasn't Mormon, but I encountered a lot of pressure in the Christian churches I attended to be social and it stressed me out.