Yes, I posted yesterday that I was in a funk. And posters emerged from the depths of hell to comfort me.

Today, I still was was feeling "in a funk" which, again is completely different than "feeling the funk" or "feeling funky." The first one causes your body to slump its shoulders and your top teeth to stick out as if you were a mouthbreathing donkey. While the last two phrases cause uncontrolable gyrations of the pelvic area in the hopes of attracting a mate.

So at lunch, I got a Cherry Coke. And this is rare for me. I rarely suckle at caffiene's harpy teat.

Not because of some lingering vestiges of Mormonism's influence. No, I don't drink caffinated beverages because it makes me BETTER than everyone else.

While everyone else is enjoying their coffee to not pass out during work, I am fueled by a self righteous sense of superiority. Surrounded by weak and pathetic drug abusers, I have lifted myself on to the highest horse by my own sheer will.

Mounted on high, I can view the disgusting subhumans clawing through garbage like raccoons - just to get another fix.

But today, I became one of those raccoons, and not even a classy raccoon like, the King or Duke of Raccoons. No, I was just a peasant raccoon with a conical leather cap and feces stained tunic.

Sure the Cherry Coke tasted like Heavenly Mother's carbonated milk, and my thoughts became clearer and my mood temporarily improved.

But at what price?







At what price?

.. with a good dose of fresh lime juice.

Its like giving the cult a double middle finger salute.

And even if the cult doesn't cross your mind, that drink will do your body and mind good.

Pour some vodka in it next time!

NO. No. No. No. No. No.

Friends do not let friends mix Cherry Coke with Vodka. My god in heaven, man, have you lost your damn mind? ;>)

With Cherry Coke, you mix Jack Daniels. Mmmm... Jack's Cherry Coke. Now that's hot.

Unlike real Jesus, you allowed Satan to tempt your dark, uncaring heart. What about all those who pray to you? What of those who take in vain your now-unholy name?

I RENOUNCE RAPTOR-CHRISTIANITY!

But you make a valid point. I shall continue taking your name in vain.

You wanna feel good, reeeeeal good? Try a Dr. Pepper float. Blows a root beer float outta the frickin' water!

Plus, it's way fun to say outloud.

How do you tell mormons from non-mormons?


Take the temperature of their caffiene.

Don't let the bish see those dilated pupils, racing pulse, and sweaty forehead! You just might "snap out of it". LOL



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2011 04:17PM by FreeRose.

That would be relevant in my case if I knew who "my" bishop is....don't have a fucking clue...have't been to a regular church meeting in 40 years....

Lets see...really good coffee this morning at our favorite coffee house...and so far 1 beer this afternoon...and more coffee where I'm going for supper....I'm bad in a multitude of ways...and we haven't even discussed non-food and drink naughtyness!!!

Coca-cola, kalua, cream. YUUUUUUM.

Glad your feeling the groove again, friend. Too bad you can't join us for our General Conference Mocking this Sunday in the East Bay. I will bring the cover of your book and a candle, so know somebody is worshipping....


Anagrammy :)

BTW - waiting to hear stories about death threats to you and your family and unborn children from... anyone?

$1.00? But I am just guessing.

I found American coins distressingly complicated.

Too many, too contusing. Actually, I meant confusing, but with the help of Spill Chucker for Firefox, I found an equally serviceable word.

I was going to tell a joke that a female colleague told me, but it's far too rude! ;o))

what the hell is a:
shilling?
pence?-
penny
half penny
six pence
WHAT THE HELL???
ya got "old pence and "new" pence
OK I GOT IT:
Half penny (½p; £0.005) 1971–1984, demonetised since then.
One penny (1p; £0.01), 1971–present
Two pence (2p; £0.02), 1971–present
Five pence (5p; £0.05), 1968–1990 (reduced to present size); 1990–present
Ten pence (10p; £0.10), 1968–1992 (reduced to present size); 1992–present
Twenty pence (20p; £0.20), 1982–present
Twenty-five pence or crown (25p; £0.25), 1972–1981 (special issues, not in common circulation)
Fifty pence (50p; £0.50), 1969–1997 (reduced to present size); 1997–present
One pound (£1.00), 1983–present
Two pounds (£2.00), 1986–1997 (special issues); 1997–present (general issue)
Five pound
SO WHAT THE HELL IS THIS IS IN REAL MONEY?
LOL!! :).............. i think we only have 6 coins.... in current use..... so there!! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/29/2011 12:48PM by bignevermo.

i dont drink soda of any kind very often because it is so unhealthy. so with the soda out of my diet i can now have beer! and how sweet it is. the only way i usualy cave and go for a good ol fashioned caffinated soda is when im stoned. i guess it really is a gate way drug...

The only time I have a soda is usually with Rum or Vodka which is about three or four times a year. Now coffee on the other hand, I don't think I could live without it!

praise JESUS!(R) for your recovery.


disclaimer: JESUS! is registered trademark of Jesus,Inc. and affiliates.

"I am fueled by a self righteous sense of superiority."

I'm stealing this.

With all due respect, RJ, sir, your excellent excellency, you ain't makin no bitty bit o' sense!

Youse a deity, right?

Deities don't break rules, man. They MAKE the rules! RJ does what he wants and that's that- it ain't for us mortals to know them whys and wherefores and all that!

So you can't be "naughty"- it just don't compute ya know what I'm sayin, man? Naughty like don't exist for YOUSE!

I mean that's like so danged obvious! So was this a test or what?

For Lord RJ:

http://youtu.be/lZLVi4v7lSM

caffeine is true. It speaks to me every day. It elevates my life and gives me the energy to build up the kingdom.I would be doing my children a great disservice if I didn't teach them these truths.My dh also lives by these truths, but has been able to take it to heights I can only hope to aspire to. My hope is that all of you will be moved by the partaking of caffeine today so you can experience the incredible good it will bring to your life. my prayer is that we will be able to do this daily. The minute we get out of bed in the morning we should spend at least 15 minutes in our devotion to a liquid that has this spirit. I testify to you that it will change your life in ways you never imagined. And on and on and on til heads nod, kids cry, and the bish makes me sit down.

That is the most moving testimony I have ever heard. Can I get a hallelujah?!

can i get a witness??? wooohoo!!
all hail RJ
all hail RJ
all hail RJ