Tonight my DH told me he thinks our marriage is the best its ever been. We no longer have over the top expectations of each other. we no longer have a third party interfering in our business. we have a lot more relaxing free time together. the phone no longer rings off the hook. nobody dropping in to monitor us. just blissful peace and quiet. no more worthiness interviews by someone who has no business asking those questions.

DH and I are inactive, but not yet resigned. He may never resign (he's BIC and his family goes back to the early days of TSCC), and I’m OK with being just inactive. For now. (I'm an adult convert.) But even as inactives, YES, YES, YES!! Our marriage is SO much better. As you point out, mia, free time is now OURS, not the Morg’s. We can relax together instead of work on our callings or do our HT or VT or whatever other busy work was pressed upon us.

Yes, married life is much better after we subtracted the Morg from our marital equation. :-)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2011 02:25AM by Sorcha.

We loved each other anyway, but after we left the church, our marriage improved because we were able to talk FREELY about anything. There weren't any topics off limits, and we could really explore new ideas and say what we thought. That would be instead of regurgitating whatever the official church doctrine was on a particular topic.

Also, we figuratively kicked the bishop and God out of the bedroom. Privacy at LAST!

It was a time of change and personal growth for both of us. For example, learning to be less wussy and make our own choices. We got to change together and encourage each other through a sometimes difficult situation.

yes, definitely!
I got divorced and it was a HUGE improvement!

and just so you know both of us had quit the church.

Yes. Yes it did. It was a huge burden lifted from our shoulders. Once we stopped putting the church first and before each other we became more like the couple we used to be.

It reminds me of the time the Bishop tried to tell us our marriage would fall apart if we left the church. No Bishop, if you'll recall we were married years before we got sealed in the temple. That means we promised ourselves to each other years before the church made us promise to sacrifice each other to it.

Yes, but what is all of this mention of 'free time'. With two teenage daughters involved in everything, we have no free time.

my youngest left home last year. That and leaving church at about the same time......oooooooh we got our lives back! We are going to wine country this weekend to do wine tasting and eat gourmet food. no kids, no church. just us. honeymoon all over again.

Yes and we found out that having real friends did not have to to be based on church activity rates. WE still have those friends we made after we stopped going to church. AS for the friends we had while active, we never see them anymore.

Well considering my wife is a TBM and cannot open her eyes to anything new, my marriage is going quite the oposite direction.

I converted for the worng reasons about 5 years ago (so I could be with the women I loved and who I thought loved me for who I was). In a way, I have always regretted my decision to convert. I never felt like I was a mormon. I ended up creating two different lives, the one my wife expected me to be living and the one I really felt to be me on the inside. About 9 months ago I decided that is was time to get out. Now, I have a 3 month old daughter and it looks like I am going to loose her to the Mormon Church. If I will not conform to the Mormon beliefs (even though I am no longer Mormon), my wife will leave. She cannot believe I like to have a beer or two every once in a while or that I say bad words like jack*ss.

Sorry to hijack the thread a little, but I think marriages only get better if BOTH people have opened their eyes and get out of the church together. For others like me, I'm pretty sure they all spiral downhill.

Can you tell me how long you were in the moron church? You said you knew it was wrong to begin with but had to in order to have your wife. did she know this? I have a daughter who married a moron and she has become all the things you described of yourself. What finally "got" to you that you were able to "get real" with yourself and make a huge sacrifice to get out?

Hell ya! We got divorced. :)

Ron

No. I was no longer the quite and shy (read: submissive) little Mormon gal that he had married. Our marriage has gone in the opposite direction ever since.

Pixie Dust, my marriage sounds like yours. Well, I was never quiet and shy, but now that I'm ExMo, I'm pretty much equal with Satan in hubby's eyes. Everything I do is scrutinized with the possible ulterior motive of attempting to lead him astray. It will be nothing short of a miracle if we stay married.

Our church membership was actually the biggest cause of friction between me and Mrs. Hela while we were in. Resigning has eliminated it as a force in our lives, and leaves us to deal with the issues that involve US.

Once we kicked God, Jesus, and Joey out of our marriage- of course it got better!

Everything is pretty much the same but I think my wife threw off several sex-taboos with the demise of my testimonkey. Her claim now is that she never believed the doctrine to the extent I did (which is probably why it propelled me out and she remains -- I'd stretched the rubber band harder than she ever had).

Halleluah for that. I sometimes wish she had been more concerned about doctrine and then she'd have been out too and I probably would be on this forum at all.

Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. My wife no longer believes, but is still attending church with the three youngest for various reasons.

Our sex lives are better than ever and we find each other missing the other one when we are apart. We've been acting like newly weds!

But I was a convert and he was BIC so our trek after departing was radically different and eventually led to our divorce. It was easier for me to return to a life that was familiar before the morg. For my ex-husband, though, the journey was far more confusing and filled with great anger. I felt guilt and embarrassment about having ever joined when I left while my ex felt anger, resentment, and confusion.

We stuck with each other for five more years but found ourselves so different from the people we'd married that we didn't know who we were living with. I realized how shallow I was when I married; I cared more about his accomplishments in the morg, and he felt the same way about my mo-achievements. One day we looked at each other and didn't recognize who we married.

Fortunately, though, when we divorced we were amicable. And we were grateful. I remember telling him that I would've never left the morg had he not been there as a support and he felt the same way about me.

Yes, we are now equals, living in an equal realtaionship as it should be. Women has so much to win by leaving the mormon tradition!

It was much, much better. DH was a nevermo. Giving up my mormon beliefs enabled me to accept and appreciate him for who he was without guilt. I stopped thinking he needed to change or "improve" in some way. My only regret about leaving is that I didn't do it sooner....

There were some issues before. Then while negotiating the landmines on the way out of the church I purposely put such issues on the back burner, thinking that if our marriage was going to end eventually I wanted it to be for legitimate and "normal" issues in the relationship and not just because of the BS church. We both left the church and things were much better for a while.

However the old non-church related issues from before are still there under the surface and they seem to be wearing off on the 11 and 13 year old kids too. Not sure about it all that right now.

Absolutely not. On the other hand, I'm not divorced, either.