My 17 yr old son is being accused of inappropriately touching his younger female cousin who lives in Utah while staying with them. His TBM cousin’s family have reported this in Utah. My son has multiple families that he will alternately stay with when he goes to Utah that also have younger cousins. He has not wanted to go to Utah for two years now but the ex has been forceful. All these families in Utah are TBM and I can assure you this has already destroyed my son’s reputation. My ex has not done anything to defend her son. Not one iota. He is guilty to her. There is no evidence whatsoever for this accusation.

He attends high school and the staff now knows of the accusation (made this past weekend) because my son talked to the counselor there because he fears he is going to be arrested and they have told him he has to do his school work from home till this issue is resolved. He has not been charged or convicted other than the court of family opinion. I can tell when my son is lying and for these accusations there are no cracks in his armor.

There are a host of other possible and more logical reasons this accusation could be attributed to but everyone seems to be convicting him automatically. I get the “why would a little girl make this up?” from the ex. Really? There can be lots of reasons of course and false accusations are made by kids all the time. This literally came out of the blue. And it seems more than obvious to me the girl complained when she was told that my son may be coming to visit not because he had ever touched her inappropriately, but because he and he male cousin are always telling her to “get out” because she always bugs them. I truly think they led her down an ugly road leading her to conclusions that are not her own.

It is completely outside of my son’s universe to do anything like what he has been accused of. In fact he has not even been told exactly what he has been accused of. He is scared to death and has no advocate but me.

I need to know how to protect him and his rights. I have no idea how to proceed. I need at least an initial consultation. His relationship with his mom has been going downhill and now this. His mother has become his enemy in practice and in not even entertaining for other answers. She has convicted him, has searched his room and has decided that since he has viewed porn and has made out with his 17yr old girlfriend on the couch (no sex) that he is obviously a sexual pervert. He is actually a good normal albeit lazy teenager.

Any legal types out there that can give me some advice I would appreciate it. I have told him to stop talking about it and to not say anything to anyone for any reason and have told him to sign nothing and he doesn’t have to unless he is sitting before the judge and even then he doesn’t have to. That much I have learned. Since this is coming from Utah and we live in Colorado I know I need representation in Utah if it comes to that.

Yikes. What a horror for you and your son. I can offer no legal advice but I agree wholeheartedly with the comments in your last paragraph. He needs to STOP TALKING about the situation to anyone as it seems he has no advocate present there for him (not counting you, although long distance). He could unwittingly convict himself by innocent comments, especially feeling isolated and stressed, with no-one there on his side.

What a pity it has become such common knowledge that he isn't even able to continue attending school. Even if baseless, such an accusation can cause irreparable harm.

I have heard it said, even by professionals who you would think should know, that "children don't make up sexual abuse allegations". I think the idea was that they are too young and/or naive to know about anything sexual so if they *do* know, they must have been molested. That may not be true in this century, and may never have been accurate, but I don't have the expertise in that field to know for sure, either way. It doesn't seem right to me, though, to lean too heavily on that premise in order to judge such allegations. That doesn't mean, though, that people won't. I hope your son gets a fair hearing and soon but I don't know how that will repair the damage that has already been done.

Is there any way you could either get custody back so he can get out of Utah or go there and be with him? I can't imagine him having to face this on his own, however it turns out.

I'm very sorry for the stress and heartache he must be going through. I hope you can find a way to help him, soon as possible.

Can he legally choose to be in your custody? Can you get him an attorney. He needs to stop talking to anyone about this. If he is taken into custody by police, he needs to know to ask for an attorney BEFORE they question him.

sorry for this, but just as you don't think he did it, you don't know for sure if the little girl is lying. I would get a lawyer, and he needs to not stay with the young girl and the lawyer will tell you how to proceed.

+1

The mother of my ex-husband's son accused me of child abuse twice and I was investigated by the Social Services both times. She was a vindictive, nasty person who didn't want me involved with him or her son, so she used an underhanded way to fuck with my life.

What will likely happen, is the girl will be given a physical exam (by a dr) and questioned by a social worker or psychologist. Your son may be pulled in and questioned by the same person (s). If the police are involved, I don't think they can question a minor suspect without a parent present.

If it makes you feel better, this whole thing may just be dropped entirely if there is no proof of abuse. If that's the case, IMNSHO, your son should not be allowed around the accusers. Kids DO lie about this kind of stuff sometimes, especially if prompted/coerced by an adult.

An investigation does not equal a guilty verdict. It may be a rough and distressing process for him, but if he is indeed innocent then my best guess is that everything will turn out okay for him. He will most likely be interviewed by CPS and (possibly) a police officer, so prepare him for this.

Since he is underage, I believe that you are entitled to sit in with him whenever he is questioned. I would take advantage of this.

I am not convinced that his school is following the proper procedure under the circumstances. I assume that you have already talked to his principal about this, and if so, I would take it over his head and all the way to the top if necessary.

I know that this is a hard time for you, but just bear with it. You may wish to hire a lawyer to represent your son.

Thier in Utah and you and him are in Colorado. Did the Cop or CPS talk to him before he left Utah? Have they called you about this?

This can turn into a horrible mess. Children do make up stuff, not all claims are valid.
#1 - you must get an attorney for him.

The people who investigate this are mentally impaired social workers with poor judgment. Not the best and the brightest. I am an attorney in Utah and I know what I am talking about. NEVER assume you can let them do their investigation and it will work out. Most of the time, it's a toss of a coin whether they believe someone has abused someone or not. And the system puts people through hell when they're accused. The social workers don't accurately report the evidence and they often ask leading questions.

I had a case where a social worker ask a 5 year old, "I thought your dad hit your brother on the back last week?" The girl didn't know what to say so the worker says, "Didn't you tell me your dad hit your brother on the back?" The child had never said anything. But at the end, she says "yes."

Whenever you're accused of something like this, you need to get an attorney specializing in this as soon as possible and never trust the investigators regardless of what side you're on.

AMIDarkKnow, you need to do two things. First, as a parent, you have a right to call the Utah Department of Child and Family Services (1-855- 323-3227) to get a copy of all reports involving your son. They're make you file out a request and the have to give you the report once it's completed. Next, your son needs an attorney as soon as you find out that he's been supported for abuse by DCFs or any kind of charges are brought.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 08:54PM by Susan I/S.

"mentally impaired social work with poor judgement." Can't agree more.

Seeing as I am a social worker, I don't really appreciate this sweeping statement.

Just like with any profession, there is a spectrum of competence of those who practice.

And I know plenty of great social workers...and I believe I happen to be one :)

But like you said, there is a spectrum of competence....if you were the parent, would you be comfortable with that? Especially since you don't get to choose your social worker.

No, I wouldn't risk rolling the dice. I'm sorry y'all are going through all of this! I agree that you should hire him a lawyer...

I would immediately contact an attorney in UT who deals with these types of matters. While your son is still under again, make sure he does not speak with the police or any other governmental authority regarding the situation without you or your attorney present - that's imperative! The authorities do not take these matters lightly when they start their investigation. You do not know what went on between your son and his cousin and these could be very serious and damaging accusations. If I were you, I would try and get him out of that house and situation (or away from that cousin) as soon as possible.

Becasue it would be dangerious and toxic to have he anywhere near any of that family.

Get the advice of a GOOD lawyer specializing in defending people that are so accused.

Is there anyway you could take an emergency leave from work and buy a plane ticket and go there and get him? Or drive? Tell him in the meantime to remain quiet about the accusation.

GET A LAWYER !!!!
Contact Cristina, what she says is good advise.

An additional problem seems to be that your ex wife appears bound and determined to f-ck up this young man's life before he turns 18.

This is a very bad situation, when his own other undermines him.

You need a lawyer.

I'm with the others in saying that he needs a lawyer who specializes in cases where one is accused of things like this. I agree with the comment about social workers, as once I had impetigo, and CPS social workers were trying to accuse my parents of child abuse, which was extremely false. Eventually, someone realized that before lives and reputations were ruined that the accusations were false.

Get a lawyer. Yesterday.

Second, AFTER this horrible mess has been defused, get custody.

When your son is finally with you, get him into counseling. This is a soul-destroying experience, and he could very well end up with PTSD.


~VOW

Don't discount sympathy for a child; others don't have a objective way to decide which claims are True/False, especially when the Rumors are flying!

an attorney should also talk with the school people; if they've barred him from school without a credible accusation, that should be actionable in itself! They should be trained & have legal back-up to follow the letter of the law; I don't understand (OOps, Utah) how they could prevent anyone from attending without legal charges being filed....

My very sincere thanks everyone! This board is unbelievable when it come to support.

My son, ex and I live in Colorado. He hasn’t been in Utah since June and is not there now. The accusation came via my ex this past weekend. He has an older brother that is local that he can stay with and that’s where he is now. His brother left the church at 16 and he is not happy with his mom right now. My son is safe with his older brother.

He is there because the ex got all the real assets from the marriage and I am paying so much to maintenance/child support/and a 401k loan that goes to her that not much left so I have been living cheap as possible to stay out of debt. I am renting a room out of someone else’s house not far from my son. I am looking for my own place right now in the middle of all this. My son needs to get the heck out of my ex’s purview and I promised him I would see to that.

I talked with a lawyer a few mins ago. I have not chosen one yet. I have already told my son to talk to no one. The lawyer gave me even further advice about my son not talking to anyone ever, not even his parents. His lawyer only, period. I need a non-mormon lawyer that is licensed in Utah if this goes forward.

I will call the school to verify the legality of their actions. Thanks for that. He has not been charged yet that I know of. All info comes through the ex from her brother who child has made the accusation. I truly think she has been led by her parents interviewing her right down the road to sex allegations against my son.

Christina. Thank you. I will call and get any reports that have been filed. Talk about feeling hopeless and helpless at the same time. Now I fear for everything. I fear my financial life is about to be destroyed along with my sons life. The other thing is I have met someone. We have been very careful with the “L” word but we both know we are a serious couple. I have been insulating her from all this. She sure as hell did not sign up for this. So I feel my new found love can be lost also. When I look at all this from an objective view I realize I can lose literally everything.

My main priority right now is to keep that kid alive and thinking positively. He cares a lot about what his TBM grandparents think of him and asked if they would find out. I told him he needs to make peace with the fact that everyone will know and nothing can be done to stop that.

I am his advocate. I would truly lose everything if he committed suicide rather than see it through. He is one scared kid.

Thanks again everyone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 08:55PM by Susan I/S.

How old is the little girl? How much age difference is there between your son and her?

Since your son is interested in girlfriends his own age, the accusation seems far out.
Of course, no one has a crystal ball.

But meanwhile, your son needs legal protection.

It's absolutely frightening that if your ex, her brother, and the grandparents are all rabidly TBM, this could be a case of "lying for the Lord."

Because of your financial situation, check and see if your son is eligible for a court-appointed attorney. Cristina hopefully would have more information on this.

I will reiterate that the poor kid is a perfect candidate for PTSD. He will need counseling ASAP.


~VOW