I had talked to a TBM guy at work and told me how one of his sisters had a kid with her 1st husband who turned out to be gay and he has a partner now..

Now I have to ask....is this MORE possible for mormon gays to come out after having kids with a TBM spouse than in the real world??

In the real world, gay people would just be gay and not (for the most part) not go thru the hassle to look "normal" by getting married and having kids just for appearances....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2011 08:57PM by nonmo.

topping

I want to make it clear I am not the poster most are thinking of. Not that our situation doesn't have similarities. My ex moved back in because I am stupid andlet him, and he still pays the bills, or at least he claims to.

Cobra would be great, but it would cost 800 a month, which comes out of money that would be split between us. My ex makes 36000 a year, that's it. Not enough for two households. It would only cost him 80 a month to keep me on his insurance until I can get covered another way.

I stayed with him for 23 years, the last 3 him figuring out he was gay. I should have left him, I know that, but I took the marriage commitment seriously, and we were trying to wait it out till our kid(s) got out of the house, but that didn't work.

I love him, always will, but am terrified. I may not be able to work after I graduate, and even if I can, not make enough to afford insurance. I am looking at medicaid, which I don't want to do, but I have on-going expenses, surgery, etc, as part of my illness that are routine.

I am angry because he has lied to me and made so many promises over the years and he told me he would always take care of me in that way. He has not honored the marriage, so what does it matter if he is divorced? I am trying to get him to see that a legal separation gives him what he wants (control-over himself and his life) and keeps me with insurance, though not enough to live on.

It's just scary. He is mean to the kids, and the second he is abusive I will kick him out. Till then I don't have a leg to stand on legally.

I was just frustrated when I posted. I have an STD from him. I have to be tested for AIDS. It's not his fault he is gay, I kknow that and I support him. We were getting along great two months ago......

Nope--my ex lives here. We get along great NOW. It wasn't always so. We aren't divorced. At the time I DECIDED not to divorce, it was only because I didn't have the energy or finances to do so. He never pursued divorce and I knew he never would. After the dust settled and I felt I could divorce, I realized I needed his insurance.

He was just telling me the other day how much I'd get from his pension. Otherwise, I'd have NO retirement.

We do have a good situation now--but it wasn't always so. It was very much like "non's" situation. I hated him and hoped someday I would never have to have anything to do with him again. I got tired of being angry and one day just decided to quit arguing with him.

It has been 16 years now since he left me. We've made our broken family work. (And I knew before I married him because he told me.)

And just for "kicks"--this is what Oaks said just 3 or 4 years ago--so, yes, they still tell gays to marry.

ELDER OAKS: We are sometimes asked about whether marriage is a remedy for these feelings that we have been talking about. President Hinckley, faced with the fact that apparently some had believed it to be a remedy, and perhaps that some Church leaders had even counseled marriage as the remedy for these feelings, made this statement: “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.” To me that means that we are not going to stand still to put at risk daughters of God who would enter into such marriages under false pretenses or under a cloud unknown to them. Persons who have this kind of challenge that they cannot control could not enter marriage in good faith.

On the other hand, persons who have cleansed themselves of any transgression and who have shown their ability to deal with these feelings or inclinations and put them in the background, and feel a great attraction for a daughter of God and therefore desire to enter marriage and have children and enjoy the blessings of eternity — that’s a situation when marriage would be appropriate

****MAY I add--life threw me a huge wrench and now at age 54 I can honestly say I am completely at peace over the situation. I'm in love with my boyfriend. I'm at peace with my ex. Our kids have some struggles, but they are doing pretty good. We have a broken family and we make it work. I was just out to dinner Saturday night with my ex and 3 of his ex's/my friends--the cousin of mine taht I got my TR from who I detest actually wandered in to the restaurant. He is an ass. I got a big kick out of him seeing me there with my 4 gay friends.

Cl2, someday I hope to be where you are. I thought I was on my way in fact, but things changed so quickly. I have been looking up Utah law and stuff, and I hope to be able to convince him to just do a separation. He said he just wants control of his life and money. I don't trust him with money, he has a past with issues which I won't go into.

He works hard though, and while he doesn't make what he should, he will always work. I know he will take care of kids, but how will I be able to take care of kids if I am not healthy? So, now he isn't talking to me. He has no means to actually file behind my back, I think he expects me to use my student loans in January to do everything after I catch up all the bills. I think....Maybe he has a sugar daddy I don't know about.

You give me hope. I was having a bad day. Thanks!!!

Hmmm. I am trying to think of what your question means. Could you rephrase it? I am thick sometimes. We had fertility issues, and finally adopted. If we had not had a kid we would most likely be divorced by now. But I know he and I both wanted kids, and I think maybe he realized he would never have any if he didn't stay with me, as he is sterile.

Interesting. He has not come out to most, just the community of gay friends and such. It's ok to say you are divorcing your wife but not that you are gay, but we live in Utah county too. I am pretty open about it. He is on facebook, so I don't get it. But he is still afraid at work.