My husband's parents only communicate with us via text messages on my husband's phone, these bulk "all kids" messages that go to all six siblings and are strictly News, "Grandpa died", "Your brother got probation" or "Christmas at our house tomorrow", not things like, "I love you" or "I was just thinking of you" or "Let's have lunch some time!", or you know, an actual phone call or visit or anything. These people have been a passive-aggressive thorn in my side for 18 years. My husband is their oldest (well, HER oldest, my father-in-law abandoned a wife and young child to marry my mother-in-law). The level of involvement in our lives is next to none. We have four children and I have sat by for their entire childhoods and watched in stunned amazement at how not like grandparents they are to my kids. I think it's more than Mormonism. I think they have brain damage.

BUT my point IS, we recently got the "Grandpa died" text message followed by a "eulogy" written for Grandpa by my father-in-law. This was his father. And his father was not in any way, shape, or form a Mormon.

My father-in-law stood up at his non-Mormon father's funeral, his FUNERAL, and said something that started with "As a member of the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints..." and ended with a wheelbarrow load of baloney from the Proclamation for the Family. At his non-Mormon father's funeral. I cannot fathom this. I disagree with my dad on a hundred thousand things but I would never in a million years use his death to puff myself up or basically insinuate that I am some expert on the meaning of life and contaminate his service with my own version of reality. It goes without saying that they'll be baptizing his dead soul, I imagine.

I mentioned this to my husband's brother (all four brothers are ex-Mormons, both sisters (grown, married in temple) are frothing-at-the-mouth psycho Mormons who never shut up about how wonderful their "mommy and daddy" are, and my husband's brother said that at one sister's wedding brunch (we declined to attend this as it was after the temple wedding that we were also not attending), my father-in-law gave a "toast" congratulating the daughter for "doing things the right way" and getting married in the temple. He said this right in front of my brother and sister in law who are Lutheran and assuredly a huge disappointment. This brother-in-law was told if he would go on a mission that his parents would pay his college tuition, if no mission, no tuition. They are very into buying faith. My husband went to a lot of concerts as a teen because his parents would trade tickets for church attendance. NICE.

This may seem like no big deal to you guys, but my in-laws have made a game the entire time I've known them of slippery-slipping out of any conversation about faith or just plain honesty. My mother-in-law is a giggler. She gets away with being a terrible person by giggling all the time. Everybody loves a giggler! She literally says "Tee Hee!" She spends no less than 50 times more time with relatives two states away than she does with her own son and grandchildren who live right here by her and always have. That makes her a sociopath in my opinion. Giggle!

So, to hear that my father-in-law is flat-out making snide announcements in public really makes me more serious than ever about closing them out of our lives, you know, more than they have already happily done themselves. I don't comprehend how they can bear their own baloney.

I have mentioned to my husband that I think we should think of really being done. Done done. He says he's working on it. He doesn't internalize their neglect the way I do as his wife and the mother of his kids. I'm so offended by it it eats me alive. Now that our kids are getting ready to move out on their own, it's less of a jab to watch them be ignored than it was when they were younger, but, you know, it's total BS. It does NOT help that none of my husband's five siblings act one iota like an aunt or uncle either. I don't think any of them have ever hugged my children. Now, watching Sister B almost DEVOUR Sister A's children with aunt-ly lust is just amazing to me.

None of the siblings are close, not even the ex-Mormons, except of course the two sisters who spend all day long salivating into their computer monitors telling each other how much they looooooooove each other and their mommy and daddy! I blocked the whole family on facebook. Watching my mother-in-law send smoochy face love letters to her daughters all the time while ignoring all her sons was making me homicidal.

I keep reading here about Mormon parents making snide comments about their kids leaving the church and losing blessings and on and on, the common thread of family who lets you know just how much you're displeasing them with your lack of faith. My in-laws just say nothing. While my mother-in-law giggles.

sounds insane.

My own TBM siblings slowly but obviously started keeping there kids away form my kids as the reached YM/YW age.

I drink coffee, hubby beer. We don't control every aspect of our childrens lives.

So as time went on it was obvious it was fear.

I in no way tried to make excuses for my sibs. Just explained to my children that they were in a cult and it had nothing to do with them personally. The cousins over the years came here at times to breathe.

In my world my first obligation is to my own children, To hell with families of origin if they are acting crazy.

Maybe in the long run it's better your sweet babies weren't exposed to these people.

You can't live with them, and killing them only lands you in jail.

What are you going to do, right?

My children are in their late 20's and wouldn't know their grandparents or the majority of their aunts and uncles if they met them on the street. I sheltered them from that insanity. Now that they are older they get it.

Pretty messed up. Seems like it would be affirming for you and DH to close the door on these crazy people. I'm a little surprised he isn't "internalizing" the treatment as much as you are. They are his parents, but good grief enough is enough. He's working on it--what does that mean and for how long?

I guess what also strikes me is that people are weird generally, more or less. These people are exceeding weird; the lack of communication seems more and more normal these days, but the favoritism has no excuse.