I'm very much out of the church, but I have noticed that perfectionism still haunts me.

I don't know how it manifests for some of you, but for me, I can sometimes get into a do-it-perfectly-or-dont-even-bother kind of attitude. I've chilled out some since leaving, but I still catch myself falling into this type of thinking.

And, I don't mean to say that perfectionism is always bad either. Just the all-or-nothing style of doing it.

Christianity, when put under a microscope, teaches it:

'Be ye therefore perfect'
'the lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance'

on and on.

Mormonism is Christianity on steriods.(the parts that GAs want you to hear)

There are many, many books on the perfectionist syndrome in the popular press; it seems to live in people of certain professions, RNs come to mind (Gee, I wonder why?)
Physicians, OTOH, Know that their profession is as much an art as a science.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=perfectionism&x=17&y=18



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2012 08:56PM by guynoirprivateeye.

You'd want your RN to be "perfectionist" when s/he's drawing up your IV med or scrabbling for a decent vein or charting which limb is due for amputation. :)

But I get what you mean. My job is astronomically detail-oriented, where every word and even a single letter is crucial. It's hard to perform that intensely at work and then leave it behind.

There's a lot to be said for warm ocean breezes and cool mai tai's. :)

Religion can undoubtedly make the tendency worse. All those high ideals to achieve and often a good dose of judgementalism along with the hymns and amens (unless you're lucky enough to find a good place), which can really ramp up the anxiety, making the perfectionism trait even more intense. I could write a book on that!

Take a deep breath - and again. It's just what the doctor ordered!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2012 08:57PM by Nightingale.

Exactly.

then, they get it at church.

Next, their spouses, children get it.

some things that 'work' at work, Don't Work at home.

is being perfect in what counts...like loving your neighbor...not trying to prove to everyone around you how wonderful you are

and Christians know that they can be perfect only in one way; by surrendering to Christ...not blindly trying to force yourself into a mold.

I've taken my perfectionist streak and tried to use it to my advantage. I make jewelry and found that for my style -- it really keeps me focused and critical so that my work turns out more precise. Sometimes I'm fabricating and fitting a lot of little metal pieces together so that they can move, etc. I love that it's been kind of beaten into me now!

I love making jewelry too. It was a hobby of mine before joining the church, but while I was a member, I almost dropped it altogether -- didn't have the time, and if I did, I felt bad for doing that instead of scripture study, visiting teaching, etc. But you're right, it's a MUCH better way to channel your attention to detail. Best of all, no guilt! :)

And I agree that you can pick a FEW things and have it still be healthy. The trick is to know when to let go, when something just isn't working for you. I realized that I was such a perfectionist in my quilting that I was not getting anything FINISHED. And I was not having fun - it had become a burden. I didn't stop quilting, and I still catch myself at it, but I MAKE myself move on. It's not perfect, but it is perfect enough. The one thing I allow myself to let it go is time management games. Didn't get perfect, I do the round again. It sounds silly but it seems to appease that need in me. It IS working for me :)

Interesting! I'm a timed Sudoku nut and love playing against the clock. On the other hand, I play Words With Friends and rarely care if I do well or not.

Moderation in all things, including moderation.

Sometimes a little OCD works (and some people/professions are OCD oriented.)

Just try to think it through, its only a problem when its a problem.

Yes! Completing projects is my new thing haha. I'd like to hold onto the attention to detail as much as possible, because I enjoy that sort of thing, but not when it kills the fun, like you said.

(edit: this is a reply to susan i/s)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2012 10:37PM by archytas.

Boy, can I ever relate to your post.

I took the church VERY seriously as a young girl, and I felt that 100% was not enough---I had to be 110% perfect to be acceptable. I developed a raging case of OCD that got so severe at times I'd have to be hospitalized. Suicide lurked in my head frequently, and I came close to giving in. I just couldn't handle making mistakes, and I had a morbid fear of doing something "immoral". I hated General Conference because all the old GA's talked about was sexual immorality and being "unclean" or "filthy" for doing anything sexual. Then, add Spencer W. Kimball's book, "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and you've got the perfect storm of a vicious cycle of guilt,guilt,GUILT and self-loathing.

Even though I've been inactive for over 7 years, and very comfortable being so, I still struggle with the remnants of the intense guilt I developed in Mormonism. I wonder if I'll ever really get it out of my system for good.

I have been able to get past the WoW, and I enjoy a good cup of coffee every day, sans guilt. I guess I'm chipping away at that dysfunctional mindset bit by bit.

Anyway, you're not alone, and it can and does get better, little by little.

Just getting some distance from the church and not beating yourself up about it is a great first step. I'm sure a lot of people here are guilt junkies in recovery. I consider myself president of the club, for what it's worth.

Good luck to you.

Has anyone else noticed that the ghosts of procrastination and indecision go with it?

I have to remind myself sometimes that good is better than best (if you never get started because you didn't have time to do your "best").

And that moving forward in SOME way is better than being paralyzed by indecision.


yeah. . . still working on that.

Ya, I'm very familiar with this. You have no idea. My new way of breaking this thinking is to remind myself that I won't be around forever. I'd rather leave something behind than nothing.

There is the mental/emotional problem of perfectionism, which you may be dealing with.
The "be ye therefore perfect" in Matt. 5 is totally misread by Mormons (as become Gods). Read the several verses that have that scripture in context and you will see it means "treat everyone with equal love as does your Father which is in heaven".
As to being imperfect (sinner or whatever), Mormons' concept of Christ's grace is majorly obstructed with rules and callings, brethren's General Conference talks and tithing. Do your best. Accept your humanity, trust in yourself, and apply grace to yourself, too.

Even as GOD is perfect. That's a pretty high standard if you ask me.

So who are we, mere mortals, to try to qualify or explain what God has told us to do? Or justify our imperfections when he clearly says to be PERFECT?

Isn't He capable of communicating his intent effectively? If there were qualifiers, why didn't HE mention them?

<end sarcasm>

Now for what I REALLY think:

People know perfection is impossible. And unhealthy. But they want SO badly to believe the Bible is the word of God.

So they come up with a way to twist it and interpret it so they don't have to disagree with the Bible. But it gets your brain in a pretzel to have to do this. I've done enough mental gymnastics in my life that I'm tired of it. It's easier just to think for yourself and say, "sorry, that's impossible, but I'll be the best person I CAN be".

Like any book, take what's useful and discard the rest.

Oh no no no no no no no, none of that moderation crap, because if it's okay to not over-do things, then it's okay to not over-do being a Mormon. If it's okay to be only a moderately good Mormon, then you need give only moderate obedience to the brethren, or (oh no!) pay only a moderate tithe.