Received a three page front and back handwritten letter today from a dyed in the wool TBM lady in my previous ward in another state who is the same age as my mother would be if she was alive. Basically two articles from church magazines quoted and then concluding with:

"Never give up. When something disappointing,difficult, or tragic happens in our lives do we lose confidence in our Lord and try to console ourselves by returning to sin? If so we learn by sad experience that after we have transgressed the light of Christ leaves us. If we turn around, repent and turn to Him. We want to truly believe that we can turn back into the circle of the Lord's love. The authorities tell us that we can with the Savior's love, we can always come back."

This is the sweetest old lady and I do not want to be a smartass with her. She called me on Christmas and I did not answer. She wants me to call her this weekend. Should I just forgo the call and write her a letter? It seems to me, that she obviously found out about my disaffection (gossip I suppose). Should I just deal with the lectures or tell her straight up. Thing is, her health is very fragile and I do not want to worry her, but at the same time I want to be authentic.

Console yourself by returning to sin?????

YOU have to be kidding. That requires a response. Keep it short and very much to the point. She appears too old perhaps to do any research on facts you would bring up but give her a few anyhow. Then wish her well and be sure to end by saying "Life is very good for me now and I am in charge of myself - no longer is an organization in charge of me". Don't know if you still believe in JC, but say what you want on that matter and tell her that no lectures are needed in the future. You have chosen your own path.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2012 11:37PM by honestone.

She seems to think her health is good enough to take you on.



I wouldn't write a letter like that if I thought the reply might kill me.

I don't buy that a person that would write a 3 page front and back letter to push their religious views on you as being "sweetest old lady"

I may be wrong, but is this woman referring to the death of your mother when she is talking about "When something disappointing,difficult, or tragic happens in our lives"? If she is, then she is using your mother's death as an excuse to push religion, that is not nice at all.

I wouldn't waist my time with a response.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/13/2012 11:00PM by MJ.

Could be the death of my mother, as she died shortly after I moved there or she could be referring to the tragic plane crash that took my SIL and permanently disabled my brother. She is just using the same ole reasoning many have used on my behalf, thinking my trials just got too hard and it broke me. Nope, I am not broken, just have more integrity than compliance professionals.

Her handwriting (penmanship) is indicative to me, that something is not quite right with her health.

Look. She's old. If you confront her, it would be like telling her that you think everything she has spent her whole life on was a waste and not of value. She is too old for do-overs and needs to think her life in the church was something of value.

Give her negative feedback for behavior you don't like by ignoring her. Every time she decides to talk about the church, cut her off or ignore her.

It's kind of like a dog. Bad behavior gets the dog ignored. If the dog wants your attention, he will avoid the things that don't work. You reward him when he behaves well.

Don't reward this woman. She may or may not figure out that her confrontation has lost her an aquaintance.

I would not respond in any way when she wants to "save" you.

You say she is old and lives in another state? How is she going to follow up on what you are doing differently in the future? I am not saying to lie to her and tell her you are going back to church, but you can always word a response in such a way that she makes her own false assumption.

She's old and she'll almost certainly never change her mind about the church. Tell her you appreciate her concern but her worry is unfounded and you are sorry she has misunderstood the situation. Say that she doesn't have to worry and you are happier now than you've ever been. Then change the subject and ask her about her cat.

If she persists (and she will) just ignore her messages and send her nice cards on holidays if you wish, with no mention of religion. Let her spin in her own space and not yours. There is something very satisfying about throwing away annoying letters re: Mormonism unread.

it makes me CRAZY when Mormons think turning against Mormonism means turning against the Savior. I mean, how DARE they hijack all of Christianity like that? Like they are the only ones who really love the Lord, when they break more of his commandments before lunchtime than your average person. When they assume that something awful happened to turn you against the Lord when most of the time, people who leave the church are taking a stand for what is right and good, not turning away from the good. I only advise the above because your friend is old and frail. I would have plenty to say if someone my age made the same assumptions.

The only thing I would add is, "Goodness, what sin? I lead a thoroughly ordinary life. No interesting sins to report!"

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The only thing I would add is, "Goodness, what
> sin? I lead a thoroughly ordinary life. No
> interesting sins to report!"


Exactly. I forgot that part.

I dont know, if it was someone young I'd probably give them an ear full. But someone that old... Maybe she is worried she wont get to the third circle of heaven. I'd tell her what she wants to hear.

This is why you should never write controversial letters to anyone.
It makes the writer look crazy.

When anyone says to you "the authorities tell us..." you should see a red flag. What authorities? Were they democratically elected? If they claim to be authorized by invisible spirits, then they are not credible. You are being approached by an inferior mind. Best to ignore it.

I find it amusing, and kind of sad, that stupid people try to project their lame thoughts on the rest of us.

You aren't "sinning" and you are perfectly happy. Life is good. And how are you doing? :)

My advice? Treat it like a gift you don't want.

You can very simply thank her for her concern. Let her know you appreciate her love. And tell her that you know she's there for further conversation about the subject if you need her, but for now you're "good."

I'm with Lily on this one.

Tell her to post her concerns on exmormon.org - and to check back frequently.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2012 02:10AM by thingsithink.

Unlike the Dalai Lama, you might add, "...but I don't share your beliefs."

If she feels moved by the Holy Ghost to keep sending you the wisdom of general authorities, you might explain, "I don't believe your doctrines and I don't believe your church leaders speak for God. So their words mean no more to me than, for example, the teachings of Hindu mystics mean to you. I appreciate that you care about my well being, but I assure you I'm quite happy."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2012 10:07AM by Stray Mutt.

I would simply say, basically, "Please don't worry about me. I'm fine. In fact, I'm very happy in my life right now and am doing what's right for me."

Don't even address anything. Don't encourage her to continue. Simply say, "Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine. In fact, I'm better than fine," and leave it at that.

We cannot control what other people think about us or others.
If you feel you must reply, tell her you are OK, and ... well, Greyfort has a good idea. Copy that! :-)

She didn't just send a letter, she phoned her too. So call her back and reassure her that you're fine, thank her for her concern, but life is so much better since you gave Mormonism the heave ho (your own words, of course).

Ignore.