I want to thank starvalley saint for their thread about bishops interviewing children:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,400361

My own DD will be transitioning into the Young Women's program in a few months and I've been concerned about the idea of my bishop interviewing her alone behind a closed door. My own DS has told me that this man has done interviews with him, asking him if he masturbates (OMFG). Luckily, this kid has loads of self-esteem and says he only tells the bishop what he wants to hear. Thsi scared the hell out of me and reading that thread got me thinking big time.

I was at SM today. Before the meeting started, I asked my bishop if it was true that it was regular procedure to interview the Primary kids before they transitioned into the youth program. He said yes this was so. I then politely informed him that I wanted to be at the interview when he talks to DD about heading into YW's. What, will I be in the hallway? No siree, I'M GOING TO BE IN THE OFFICE WHILE THE INTERVIEW IS GOING ON. He looked at me wide eyed and said, "Uh, okay." I could tell he was mind blown at this. I thanked him. When he left, my DD asked what I had discussed and I told her. unexpectedly, she said, "Thank you, mom. I kinda felt nervous at the idea of not having someone there with me whenever any leader interviews me alone."

Thank you again, starvalleysaint for helping me deal with TSCC.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/29/2012 12:29PM by imalive.

I go with my daughter when she has an interview. Last time, when the bishop asked her an inappropriate question, I said, "with respect, Bishop, that is none of your business!"

Especially since in my interview when I was 16, I had confessed to some things that me and my bf of 2 years had only recently started to do. He asked me "Did you spit or swallow?" I was appalled and I said "How does that matter?"

He then back tracked and confessed to me his own porn problem. UGH he was 55 yrs old. I was totally grossed out and my stomach lurched. I had also been sexually molested earlier in my life and bells and whistles were going off like crazy. I think he could feel my disgust because then he quickly moved on to how I could absolve my sins.

He then told me to read "Miracle of Forgiveness'' I never cracked it and was pretty much set on the idea of never confessing anything to anybody ever again and when I went to my weekly interviews I said what he wanted to hear so I could get the hell out of there.. 6 weeks later I was absolved. YUCK!

ANONFURTHIS Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Especially since in my interview when I was 16, I
> had confessed to some things that me and my bf of
> 2 years had only recently started to do. He asked
> me "Did you spit or swallow?" I was appalled and I
> said "How does that matter?"

I can't believe he actually asked that. I am speechless.

Dole Dad--good for you--well done.

As a former Bishop, I never saw anywhere that you had to ask the masturbation question. Yes, it says, law of chastity or morally clean. But, for a young person, it is just non-sense to ask this question. When I grew up as a teenager, I was never asked about masturbation. When I served as a Bishop, I never asked that question. Given the many posts I have read on this, I realize I was in the minority.

As I am sure you will concede, it didn't matter if you asked "the question" or not. PLENTY of youth leaders and others are harping on this stuff 24/7. The level of completely inappropriate guilt heaped on kids from many levels is obscene.

Frequently, kids just confessed all sorts of innocent behavior they thought was bad -- including being MERELY aroused at all. A large percentage of the remainder did not, and they then carried around immense loads of guilt and shame over it in addition to the assault of their original misperceptions.

The entire charade is abusive, damaging and traumatic. The whole sexual witchhunt mentality is enough, let alone the constant trauma and mental anxiety over the unending internal neurotic analysis of worthiness demanded of children.

To think that children are actually better off in this emotionally destructive environment boggles the mind. I am ashamed to have been a part of it.

I wish my mom had done this for me. To this day inknow that my mother has regularly chosen her church over me. While we are close it will always be between us.

that if she is called in and you are NOT there that she is to LEAVE. There have been several times when people have told the bish this then the kid has been called in and interviewed alone. Make sure she understands she is not allowed to do this unless you are there, her parent said so.

I will certainly do that. Thanks for the suggestion.

Yes, apparently a LOT of Bishops have tried to do an end run around the parents. If your daughter knows that you don't want her talking to him alone and is prepared with a specific statement like: "My mom says she has to be present for anything like this." it will be easier for her to stand her ground. And I suggest you recommend to her that if someone pushes the issue after she's declined that she make tracks for your side or home, whichever is safer and easier. Teaching her how to protect herself and stand up for herself now will have a life-long positive influence on her. :)

Tell the executive secretary that your policy is absolutely no one on one interviews ever. You can be nice about it but make sure you repeat it and the all leaders know about your policy. Don't let anyone have a chance to plead ignorance after the fact.

My wife is currently Turbo-TBM but she completely agrees that our minor children should not be subjected to this kind of interview no matter how much she might like and trust the current bishop. After all, we live pretty close to Lone Peak High School where the Seminary principal was having sex with a student!

Because of the noise I made about this issue I've heard of several others in the ward who have decided to implement similar policies for their children.

are protecting their kids from some of the most guilt-inducing and boundary-violating things the church does. They are showing their kids that they DON'T have to answer inappropriate questions, and will probably discourage them from confessing anything to the bishop (and the bishop has not right to know what kinds of "sins" people are committing in the first place. If they believe in JESUS, HE should be the one doing the forgiving).

If more people do this, the church is going to lose a LOT of control over the membership. I'd love to see the day when believers can PRAY for forgiveness, instead of going through humiliation and shame.

I wish I had you as a mother, when I was 13 and my mom discovered some questionable internet history the first thing she did was run to the bishop to have him re-do my temple recommend interview. Because every young girl wants to be trapped in a small room with a 30-something year old man and admit she was curious about sex. Although he was way more uncomfortable than I was during that particular interview.

Even if that hadn't been the case, I think I would have felt twice as much pressure, because there were things I could BS a bishop about but my parents would know better, and vice versa.

Sweet...I'm glad my rambling thoughts might save another child from the untrained and judgmental man who has no business talking to your child about anything other than maybe, "hows school going?" Stay strong...don't let them bully you. :). Oh and thanks for the shout out....made me feel good this morning.

You are SMART to go with your child. When I was 16 a member of the bishopric came to my door while my parents weren't home. He said he'd seen me around the neighborhood and wanted to come by and talk to me. He said he "knew" I was a "naughty" kid and that, quote:

"if you ever do anything naughty, you don't need to tell it to the Bishop, you can come to my house and tell it to me. I'm really cool and I'll help you out. *wink *wink"

Mormonism teaches blind faith and obedience. Not questioning our elders, not for a second. This naivete opens doors for perversion and exploitation by "god's chosen."