Had a friend whose father was bishop for a singles ward in Arizona. Because there were some guys in this ward - men in their 20s and 30s - who had a "problem" with masturbation, he required that they call him every night at dinner time at his home to check in to tell him whether they had masturbated that day or not.

I don't know where to begin on this one ...

The Bishop of my singles ward 3 years ago did the same thing for the sisters. This was a young professional singles ward with age range about 22-32. He called a special meeting just for the Relief Society and requested that all the sisters struggling with masturbation come and talk to him to repent. I was horrified. A married man talking to single women about this (in the name of God)? Truly disgusting.

He probably felt that his sex life wasn't interesting enough.

Ew. What a pervert!

"Why yes Bishop, I can honestly say I did not masturbate at all today." Hangs up phone, then thinks, "at least he didn't ask me if I masturbated last night after talking to him."

Insanity, thy name is Mormonism.

think that the parameters of "kinky" have been adequately defined, some religious nutcase has to go and expand it further.

Since everybody knows a bishop's gossiping powers are only second in magnitude to those of his wife, I wonder how long it takes before the outgoing phone calls start...

I would really expect some demonstration from those sisters at to how they actually masturbated.

Actually, that bishop can pay to watch me online if he needs proof that I masturbated. I'm all ready.

If you are a reasonably attractive female, I may be willing to assist him.

Sorry, male here.

Was I completely strange for a mormon kid? I don't recall anything righteous or holy or pure about my wet dreams. It was raw, physical, naked, and f-ing intense from the get go. Of course, there were some girls who sat behind me in homeroom at a very early age and described their mother's whoremongering ways. It gave me many things to imagine.

I recommend showing mormons this article:

http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/masturbation_help.htm

Other than some statements made by Boyd KKK Packer, who may easily have been speaking as a man, there really is no scriptural or revelatory basis for coming down against masturbation. The pieces are all there for this mormon conception to fizzle like so many others have before it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2012 02:29PM by kimball.

Excellent article.

I always enjoy learning new perspectives on things, especially when they contradict LDS "doctrine".

Holy cow! That is disturbing.

Especially the part *about* the cow. Eww....

Phone rings

Bishop: "Hello?"

Me: "Bishop Andre? This is . . . Baura"

Bishop: "Yes, brother Baura, what is your report for the day?"

Me: "Well, Bishop, . . . I . . . called. . . to tell . . . you . . . that . . . I'm not . . . having a . . . a . . . problem with . . . mastur- . . . -bation any . . . more."

Bishop: "That's good to hear, Brother Baura; have you been reading your scriptures daily?"

Me: "Yes . . . I've been . . . reading . . . Song of . . . Solomon . . . daily."

Bishop: "Well, Brother Baura, there is more to the scriptures than just one book of the Old Testment."

Me: "I know . . . that's why . . . I've been . . . doing . . . outside reading . . . pondering . . . and . . . and . . . study."

Bishop: "That's good, It's good to ponder what you read. But remember to fold your arms and pray while trusting your true center."

Me: "Don't worry . . . Bishop . . . I can . . . guarantee . . . you . . . that . . . "center" . . . and . . . "fold" . . . are . . . important parts . . . of my . . . recovery . . . process."

Bishop: "That's good. Just remember the body is a temple and should not be misused."

Me: "I think . . . that this . . . Miss . . . could be . . . used . . . in a lot . . . of righteous . . . ways . . ."

Bishop: "What? I'm afraid I didn't understand you."

Me: "I have to . . . hang up . . . now . . . someone's . . . coming."

What a pervert. I wonder if the bishop spanks the monkey and wants to know if others do it to?

The members always like to talk about how busy the bishop is. Well I guess so if he's keeping track of everyones coming and goings.

That is so sick and twisted. I know its a cult, but how do those guys live with themselves allowing that kind of degradation and humiliation?

Yeah that is completely inappopriate. I also feel bad for any sap who decided that it was a great idea to comply. Unless he was a *hot* Bishop offering to "lend a hand" so to speak. :)
Seriously that is just wrong.

I recall reading minutes of the Apostles back in the 1800s where they were decrying the number of single young men masturbating. They were adamant that plural marriage would cure that problem. Of course, with plural marriage practiced that increases the number of young men without wives so it really increases the "problem."

And then there is the story of my teenage nephew, whose bishop wanted him to text message every day to let him know if my nephew had successfully avoided "sinning." SIL and BIL both appreciate the bishop helping their son with his problem. Mormonisms teachings have made it OK for my SIL to justify her son texting a pervert daily.

What kind of an idiot would go to the bishop with that?

jf Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Had a friend whose father was bishop for a singles
> ward in Arizona. Because there were some guys in
> this ward - men in their 20s and 30s - who had a
> "problem" with masturbation, he required that they
> call him every night at dinner time at his home to
> check in to tell him whether they had masturbated
> that day or not.
>
> I don't know where to begin on this one ...

Bet he never shook hand with them, "just in case"...

What a sick and twisted CULT!

I remember hearing of two bishops at the Stanford, CA wards who did this to men and women. Stern warnings of no masterbation, porn, any kind of sexual activity.

Weird to say the least. who would submit to that invasion of privacy?