My nevermo friend in Las Vegas recently attended a Mormon civil ceremony at a chapel. She described it to me because she thought it was so weird. She said the ceremony was less than five minutes, and very empty. They then served nothing but baked potatoes with a few toppings.

I told her my impression was that a lot of bishops take the opportunity to make civil weddings look bad so they can point out how much better temple weddings are; that civil weddings don't really count so there is no reason to make them nice.

Pista Wrote:
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> My nevermo friend in Las Vegas recently attended a
> Mormon civil ceremony at a chapel. She described
> it to me because she thought it was so weird.

..... wow, then I have to wonder what she might think of a temple wedding.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2Z3YSRogyo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKG5kMnZZcM&feature=related

In a way, I think that would have made more sense to her. When something is that weird, you can at least understand that it's just something completely different. When something looks sort of normal, but is just totally half-assed, it can seem even more weird.

They made to look bad. No music, no processional, recessional, etc. Ceremony by bishop is mandated by SLC. It is just AWEFUL! He is supposed to speak as inspired.

Went to one some years ago where Bishop told the couple that in a year they should be in the temple "getting married for real". After the ceremony (in the CULTural hall), I approached the Bishop and asked him if the couple was now married, legally and lawfully. He stated that they were. So I asked if they were "married for real", which he also acknowledged, so I asked him why he felt the need to make his comment. He walked away.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER left a mormon bishop perform your wedding. Get an Elvis impersonator in Vegas to do it. It will mean more.

yah really, the MORmONS always have to get in their nasty digs for anything that does not totally go the MORmON way, and then they will tell us they never speak negatively of others /outside institutions. You made an excellent valid point, and its made even more so as the stupid ass MORmON temple ceremony defered to civil authority regarding the law of chastity.

To this day, I have no idea what possessed them to hire a bishop to marry them.

Then a friend of mine remarried (less than 2 months after his divorce was final) in his parents' backyard by their bishop. The bishop did tell them to be sure to solemnize their union next year (they did), but nothing ultra snarky.

Until. After the ceremony was over, bride and groom still standing in front of everyone with the bishop, the groom's mother stands up, turns to face the rest of us and proclaims, "Well! That was almost like a real wedding!"

What. A. Cow.

Yes, I'm old so I can remember when if a person was having a civil wedding, they could use the chapel and do whatever they want. A friend of mine got married in the early 70s and had a beautiful wedding, complete with flowers, processional, pictures of the wedding in the chapel. However, I thought the wording of the marriage "vows" was really weird.

This did not help my angst when my own temple wedding was so weird and ugly and I remembered how nice my friend's wedding had been. But when I went through the temple I realized that the mormon civil wedding vows were a civil version of the temple--no real vows, and they have to say "yes" instead of "I do."

It wasn't long after that when the new rule of no nice civil weddings in the church. I'm sure that's because there were many girls like me who felt so cheated. I've been to several mormon civil weddings since then and they were just as your friend described, cold, short and obviousy meant to make the couple feel like there is something wrong with them. So I don't know why someone would have a mormon wedding if they're not getting married in the temple. Go somewhere else, get a civil servant or have a friend get ordained in the internet church and perform the service.

I didn't realize it was an actual rule -- I thought it was just one of those unwritten cultural things.

She didn't say anything about the chalky mints or peanuts, so I guess that part isn't written in stone.

My daughter married a jackmormon here in Vegas at a golf course. She was still free of Mormonism then. It was a 60 day engagement and they rusehd to find a place. No she was not preggers. Anyhow, "I" found the pastor who is one who was on the list the golf course had for weddings....happened to be my denomination so that part was good. My personal pastor was booked that day but my daughter did ask.

IT was a lovely wedding, lots of flowers, music, nice reception and all. The MORmONS looked bored and not happy. None who were not family sat outside for the ceremony. They waited indoors where the reception was. There was a lot of dancing at the reception and the young adults had fun whether Mormon or not-the adult Mormons were not kind, polite or anything to me who PAID for his whole thing practically. No mormon talked to me and said how lovely my daugher looked or how they hoped they'd have a long marriage. Guess they hoped it would end if she didn't convert....3 yrs. later she did.

I was married in a mormon chapel. I had real bridemaids, music and flowers in the chapel. My bishop almost did a good job on the vows. Right at the end, he added a comment about getting sealed in the temple. I was just excited that my whole family and friends saw me get married.

At the time, I didn't even think of having a wedding somewhere outside of church. The downside of having a mormon civil marriage is the gossip of why you didn't get married in the temple. Some of my ex's family thought I was pregnant. When they talked to me, they would stare at my belly. So rude! I did get pregnant within a couple months and the same family members kept the gossip alive, even though I had my child 11 months after marriage.

Very true. Almost no effort is put into the civil ceremony, just like almost no effort is put into the temple ceremony. The difference is one is done in a beautiful temple, while the other is done in a meetinghouse with the basketball hoop visible in the backgroudn. It's up to the couple to do an extravagant reception if they'd like.

I was highly disappointed in the one civil ceremony I ever attended, and it felt very much like "too bad these people weren't worthy to do this temple-style."

My dear old mum got married for the 3rd time to a guy who is already "sealed" to his first wife. Mum is sealed to her 1st husband, (my dad). This latest wedding was a "time only" ceremony in the temple, so they managed to alienate us non-recommend holders when there wasn't even a sealing involved.
And then they look at us badly if we say anything about it.

My daughter and her husband (who live out of town) got married in a rather large outdoor ceremony (by the bishop in my local ward) on the church grounds. Gotta admit, it was rather nice. The bishop wasn't preachy, and he read the ceremony from a white binder. The words were "unique" enough that mormons would recognize the religious overtones, but the non-mormons would think it to be just a regular ceremony. So, my initial fears from other horror stories didn't come true. (I have seen some pretty ugly "2nd-rate you didn't do it right" weddings.)

jpt Wrote:
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> My dear old mum got married for the 3rd time to a
> guy who is already "sealed" to his first wife.
> Mum is sealed to her 1st husband, (my dad). This
> latest wedding was a "time only" ceremony in the
> temple, so they managed to alienate us
> non-recommend holders when there wasn't even a
> sealing involved.
> And then they look at us badly if we say anything
> about it.
>
> My daughter and her husband (who live out of town)
> got married in a rather large outdoor ceremony (by
> the bishop in my local ward) on the church
> grounds. Gotta admit, it was rather nice. The
> bishop wasn't preachy, and he read the ceremony
> from a white binder. The words were "unique"
> enough that mormons would recognize the religious
> overtones, but the non-mormons would think it to
> be just a regular ceremony. So, my initial fears
> from other horror stories didn't come true. (I
> have seen some pretty ugly "2nd-rate you didn't do
> it right" weddings.)

You have to be a barrel racer. LOL Time only? Ha Ha.

I was married by my then bishop (who was and still is a good friend) to my Catholic fiance on the patio of my parents house on their farm....it was intimate, beautiful and joyous...and it stuck...almost 39 years in now...

We had a civil wedding after refusing to exclude our family. We were married by a Bishop who was a friend of the family. He did a marvelous job- not once did he mention temple, church or anything. He and his wife were very supportive and were honestly happy for us. No shame, no anything. They even gave us a very nice wedding gift.
I think part of the issue with the Mormon civil wedding is the culture, not the rules. So many young couples want the nice wedding but don't want to work for it. Instead of taking extra jobs and extending the engagement 6-8 months, they decide to settle for second-rate then the bride b*&ches for the rest of her life about how craptastic her wedding was. They also skip on doing the actual cake cutting ceremony, first dance, flower toss, etc. It's really sad. I have noticed that more and more couples are starting to include these things and that does make me happy to see. It means that they are doing the wedding for THEM and not allowing outsiders to make them feel ashamed.

I don't have a problem with inexpensive weddings; my reception (temple wedding) was very small and DIY, but that was my choice because I personally didn't want to spend a lot of money on a party -- just not my thing. I'm glad, too, since the marriage didn't last and the real estate that the money went to instead of the wedding came in very nicely at the divorce.

I remember seeing a bishop do a civil ceremony.

He basically quoted the temple ceremony but the parts where in the temple it is for time and all eternity he put a huge emphasis on it being just for this life.

The way he did it definitely put major emphasis on it not being nearly as meaningful as a temple wedding.

The simple ceremony probably has more to do with the financial situation / decisions of the family than the church.

When my Mormon convert sister got married (before she converted) in a civil ceremony, the bishop who married her was on the city council where my mom was mayor. He was late. We had to call him. He had forgotten: he was at home, watching a football game. And, no, despite her subsequent conversion and Temple sealing, the marriage did not last.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/19/2012 04:08PM by nwmcare.

DH and I got married in a quaint lutheran church in the midwest. Out 3 kids and the preacher were the only people there. It was sweet, simple, and we're still happily married 21 years later.

My 3 nieces were married in civil ceremeonies outside the chapel with bishops officiating. They did have flowers, music a processional etc, but the bishops had to do it their own lame way which in one case involved a plug for the temple and in all cases involved off the cuff rambling. I would prefer a traditons "Dearly Beloved" ceremony or one where the couple wrote their own vows.

But true recovery means leaving it behind all together. Maybe its time for you to let your hatred go and your bias. Because your stereotyping a bit. Ok a lot. Move on and leave it behind you. Stop hating mormons. You claim they are so awful your just a bad as those you claim to need recovery from. Post the truth!

^^
Had you actually read and understood this thread you would have noticed the multiple postings of good civil wedding experiences mixed with the bad. Topping a two week old thread on a recovery board just to tell other people how *you* think that they should recover is pretty *Klassy*. If we are lying, offensive scumbags who never tell the truth then it won't bother you to stop visiting this website. I'm sure you have a beehive cross-stitch to finish somewhere....