My mom converted to the church in her mid-30s and actually has a better grasp than the normal TBM of how to make a good impression. Next weekend, she and dad are going to a 50th wedding anniversary at some winery in No. CA. with a bunch of their friends from law school to celebrate. Including a woman who chewed Mom out for letting my sister and I get married in the temple, so my dad couldn't attend the wedding. Mom was griping about what she was supposed to do the whole weekend, where everyone would be drinking and talking about their trips and shopping and other things that don't interest her (i.e. non-Mormon things). I told her this was her big chance to show Mormons were normal and that with an LDS presidential candidate, it was important for Mormons to make a good impression. That caught her attention and she asked me to elaborate.

I said "For example, get a glass of water or juice. If someone asks if you'd like wine, just say no thanks, I don't drink. Don't say: I don't drink, I'm Mormon because that makes Mormons sound self-righteous. And don't talk about the church stuff. Most people think Mormons are religious fanatics. You'll make a much better impression if you just show interest in what they are doing and leave the church out of it. And be a good sport. It may not be your scene but you want to go see your friends so just play along and seem to enjoy yourself. If you are grumpy, they will feel like you are being judgmental." She is currently thinking about my suggestions.

But did you see what I did? I was able to point out a bunch of stuff to a Mormon that outsiders find obnoxious about Mormons that the Mormons themselves have no clue about. It seems like that "making a good impression" angle might work to get through to a few Mormons. Like in the other thread where someone posted on FB that Mormons want to HELP inactives. You could say "that's the sort of comment that make Mormons sound arrogant without them even realizing it. I know you wouldn't do anything intentionally to make the church look bad but it's really important these days to think about the impression you are making as a Mormon." I know it's not our job to go around making Mormons better people - that's not my point. But if they are going to step on us, I think it might be a good way to point out they are being rude and that others are noticing. As a Mormon, I didn't really think about how my Mormon-accepted actions were being perceived, although I toned it in a lot since I had a lot of non-LDS friends. But it wasn't til after I left Mormonism completely that I was able to see how many things I'd said or done or thought were a good example were actually arrogant and obnoxious. I'd have stopped earlier, if I'd have been able to see those actions from another point of view.

Excellent point, CAgirl. My theory is that Mormonism gradually dulls empathy and compassion for others by teaching that they chose their life, or that they deserve what happened, or that they are being taught a lesson by Heavenly Father and we should stay out of it, or that they will be sending help through "channels."

This relieves people of the obligation to care about the poor. It's more efficient, they say, and the church is inspired so they will give the right amount of help to the right people and not be taken advantage of.

Too bad that's not what Jesus taught, but when did that ever matter to Mormons.

To me, this is karma--Mormons gradually become detached from normal society and the church likes this because it makes them more dependent on Mormonism --and is a reason why some stay even when they know it is a con. "I don't know what I would be without this church" is a common statement which speaks volumes about the degradation of the individual for the benefit of the group.

Fortunately for us, our normal empathy and compassion for others returns when we come to our senses after leaving the Morg.

Perhaps you can suggest she work on this by substituting the word Catholic for Mormon in the comments she makes. She will soon appreciate the patronization, the superiority, etc. You don't hear Catholics say, "I don't eat meat on Friday because I am Catholic and too much meat is not good for man."

Anagrammy

I've used this technique with my kids to decide if a joke was appropriate. I, personally, hate those man bashing jokes so I told my kids, if you can make the center of the joke a woman, instead of a man, and it's still funny, then OK. But if it isn't, then it isn't OK. Same thing works to put in the word Catholic for Mormon and see how it sounds to your ears. Because I've said for ages that Mormons wouldn't tolerate being treated the way they often treat others.

The other day I was horrified to find my children looking at a cartoon of "Rainbow Fish," which is one of their favorite books. Guess what? The entire show was the hero fish bashing girls and then at the very end, 15 seconds to a girl fish that was nice to him and the moral "See? Girls are ok after all!"

Grrrrrr!

Anagrammy

Don't even get me started on Peanuts...

I love what you did there CA girl. My mom is a TBM and hardly any of her friends are non-mo. I think she would be lost if she were to talk about anything besides church.

I've used it with my fanatical mom and it works like a charm. Laughing at her works best, but it's sometime difficult to work up a chunckle when mormons are pulling their obnoxious mormon antics.

I'm sure your mom is seriously considering your excellent advice. If we all did this, a few crazy mormons might work through some of their brainwashing.