It's giving me a complex. This is beside the fact that I've just realized all my responses basically say the same thing. I've become one of THOSE people. How many more times can you hear the same three stories. Dear gawd, I'm boring myself...
While I'm still in the bitter/angry stage of recovery, I also feel increasing peace as time goes on. The anxiety about not going to church is gone, the wanting to know what was done and said (and who's doing what) at church is over. I'm pretty much over the guilty feelings going to the store on sunday used to bring. That's progress.
Time for me to let go of the past already and stop going around in circles about it.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2012 11:02PM by nowI'mfound.
I read somewhere that you have to keep telling your story until it no longer holds power over you. Each iteration looses some of its grip. There are very few forums that allow for retelling the recoverying-mormon story and getting validation, advice and feedback.
Thanks! I think you're right...that you have to keep telling your story until it holds no power over you. That's deep. I'm copying that to my file of favorites :)
Thanks, Cheryl! I've really appreciated your thought-provoking posts and responses since I joined the board. I can always relate to what you say...
And, grubbygert, I've always like yours as well. I totally know what you're saying about perfect posts sinking into page 2 oblivion. I had one that I particularly liked, but was getting no response, so I commented on it myself a couple of times just to bump it to the top. Now if that happens, I just let it die--not that it still doesn't bother me, LOL.
Tell your story until someone who is lost in the grip of mormonism hears it. And then tell it some more. Nothing wrong with that. I'm grateful we have a place to do that. It wasn't that long ago you would have been alone with your story. You are the only one who would have heard it. Now we can announce our stories from the roof tops.
is "flooding" as described above, taking the pain out of a traumatic experience. Also, it gives people confidence that they are not crazy or possessed by Satan, that other perfectly reasonable people who have families and are smart feel EXACTLY the same!
Remember the hundreds of new people that view these posts in a month. Believe me, what you post is shockingly new to many if not most of them. And you help them by sharing...
Besides, you don't want to miss the inexplicable joy of having a front row seat with a bunch of people you know understand the Mormon experience and watch the whole house of cards falling.
Kolobian is missing out, I'm telling you, all those years we watched this stuff ignored and swept under the rug and reinvented....I like to picture Satan narrowing his eyes and getting his close up,
NOW IS THE GREAT DAY OF MY POWER
I feel like it's our great day of power as Mitt Romney's Mormonism sinks his elite a** despite all the ads money can buy. The reason, BTW, I attribute his failure to Mormonism is that certain robotic weirdness people point out, his lack of connection with common folk---we call it Melchisedek Priesthood Arrogance.
The power of repetition is used by the Mormons monthly in the gawdawful Fast and Testimony meeting. They wouldn't be doing it if it didn't work.
We have to fight fire with fire. We are here 24/7 with our daily untestimony and I will bear mine every day until I am dead. It's the most "good" I can do for the world from my living room.
Sometimes I smile when I imagine young people especially viewing these forbidden posts with eyebrows up to their hairlines and eyes popping going "Suh-weeeeet Mutha! The church never told us THAT! The next week they go to church and whisper to their BFF what they learned about (pick one) that the church has lied about.
I think of slavery, and the whispered sharing of the locations that were the Underground Railway. And how afraid they were until they found support from plenty of white folks.
THIS is the place to go anonymously to free your mind and get those questions answered that you can't get answered in church. This is the Underground Railway for freeing the 10% slaves, who don't realize they're in bondage to a corporation.
Love this! The underground railroad is a perfect analogy for what we have here. You're so right--people need a place where they can express their concerns and find people who understand. For the longest time DH thought he was alone in how he felt, that our situation was SOOOO different from what everyone else was experiencing in TSCC, and that it must be some problem with his own perception. Everyone else seemed to be getting something out of it. He felt like he was crazy. Then he found RfM and realized he wasn't nuts for feeling what he was feeling. It was incredibly liberating just to know he wasn't the only one. Truth really does set you free.
Since being out, I often wonder how many more people in our ward are currently living with serious doubts, how many are faking it, and how many no longer believe. Everyone at church always puts on the "happy and blessed" facade; no one wants to admit they are struggling. That lack of candor further alienates those who struggle by making them feel like they must be wrong--that they must be missing something, since everyone else seems so happy. They don't realize how often that happiness is an illusion. That's where we come in. As those who've seen the wizard behind the curtain, we're here to help expose the truth and to support others in their recovery. It's a cool place to be.
First, nowi'mfound, I've always liked your posts too. Just tell your story and ask your questions and don't worry about it.
Second, can'tresist, I loved that comment too - "I read somewhere that you have to keep telling your story until it no longer holds power over you. Each iteration looses some of its grip." After my mission, I couldn't get over it for months until finally, I decided to re-write my whole mission journal without looking at it. I started at day one in the MTC and wrote it all in retrospect. It took all my free time (and shamefully, hours of my work time) for a couple of weeks but when I was done, I was ready to move on. Sometimes you have to get it out.
Finally, you can't imagine how much hearing other peoples' stories helped me. I really needed validation, to hear other's had the same experiences I had and also to be able to see those experiences from different perspectives. I needed to hear other people say that Mormons were crazy, out of touch, rude ... so it wasn't just me thinking that while hearing how wonderful they were (from Mormons, obviously). I usually add a personal story, if I can, but mostly because of the help I got from hearing others stories. So everyone keep posting. You never know who you are helping.
Thanks you guys, you have no idea how much you all have helped DH and me. When DH first started questioning, he found RfM and was quite the lurker for a while. He even posted a few times, but can't remember what his board name used to be. He showed me a few particularly funny threads back in the day. One referred some GA as "the lawd's master sheep herder" and made fun of how all the "sheeple" lap up his every word...
Even though I felt guilty for thinking the post was hilarious, and slightly concerned that DH was on an "anti" site, those phrases became a well-used part of our vocabulary.
Then after Prop 8 and BKP's subsequent, condescending GC talk, I spent a fair amount of time on Affirmation's website. DH noticed and referred me back to RfM. The rest, as they say, is history.