I find it much easier to live well now compared with 7 years ago when I realized my life was not working and I had to take some drastic measures to alter my course.

Now, looking back, I realize that I am doing much better than I ever could have as a TBM. Why? I am now able to do the following +1,000 things some seemingly trivial, some expansive...

1. Enjoying the ritual, aroma, and flavor of making and drinking good coffee
2. Enjoying a leisurely Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening.
3. Experiencing no pressure to recruit or convert anyone.
4. Experiencing no guilt with regard to safe adult consentual sex.
5. Enjoying a nice champagne.
7. Using disposable income to go on a vacation of my choice without guilt.
8. Organizing my finances such that I have disposable income to spend on eating well including purchasing organic and local food.
9. Organizing gatherings with friends who are truly my friends.
10. Finding and contributing to charitable organizations which are transparent with respect to their use of funds.
11. Appreciating the arts without judgement regarding appropriateness of subject material.


Here is my dilemma:

Am I doing all of these things as a matter of revenge? I hope not, but I am a human after all, and subject to all kinds of self-delusion and hidden agendas.

I no longer communicate with my family and don't plan to ever again, so I know I'm not showing off or teaching a lesson or any such thing. Or am I? Am I proving something to myself then?

Or perhaps none of this matters and these thoughts are also a byproduct of my previous cult affiliation. (I was mormon by bith, not by choice)

Any thoughts?

It's just an old joke. I don't believe in revenge. It has no positive results.
If we are doing something for revenge, it's not going to bring us the peace of mind and happiness we want.

We can change our mind about how we want to live our lives. I think it's best done with a positive outlook, and not done out of negativity.

My goal is to keep all of my relationships. I live with and love Mormons. I don't have any need for anger, or nastiness, or rudeness, or other negative thinking patterns and attitudes and behaviors. Those just come back to bite me in the behinder.

For me: it's about unconditional love, forgive everyone everything, treat others the way I want to be treated, respect and honor everyone's RIGHTS to their religious beliefs, or their belief systems just as I want mine respected, and do it all with a healthy sense of humor and the wonderful health benefits of laughter.
It's a great way to live what short time I have left!!!

But I see student's point, and I often feel the same way. Revenge is a harsh word and has negative connotations, but it can mean good things too, I believe. I live well, as student does, as a means of revenge - not in a mean-spirited sen se, but in a way that shows exmos CAN be happy, ARE happy, actually enjoy life, love being free from the never-ending pressure and guilt, and do not feel the need to participate in the see-and-be-seen situations TBM's are forced into all their lives. I hope my TBM friends see me living well, abundantly, and authentically so maybe, just maybe, a tich of doubt starts creeping into their minds. Whatever it takes to plant the seed, I say. So, I get it - living well IS the best revenge, not necessarily as a way to get back at people or the church (though I must admit, with my own foibles, that feels good occasionally), but more as a way to say, "Look - this CAN work! You don't need all the enforced duties and threats and busy work - life is amazing without those!". I think that's what student is getting at and I'm completely the same way.

Hmmmmnnn. Someone here said revenge has no positive results.

I find that odd considering your list of positive results is very impressive. Perhaps not everyone understands that the common phrase "living well is the best revenge" is not meant to be taken literally. It's more just about proving nay-sayers wrong. Especially about proving mormons wrong who believe no one outside of the church is truly happy. Poor things.

I'm like you student, the quality of my life skyrocketed when I left the church behind. Beautiful world opened up to me.

I like that you listed things as simple as coffee and as profound as having really true friends. The impediment to life that is the mormon church is gone for you and you have set yourself up to have an authentic life. Good for you.

What I like about your post is that you could replace the word revenge with the word "triumph' and it would probably reflect even more who you are now.

All the best.

^^^ +1

The stuff you listed is rewarding unto itself.

However, as a nice bonus, it also helps destroy the stereotype that leaving the church means ending up as a heroin addict living under a bridge.

So, ya, I would say revenge is frosting on the cake, but not the cake itself.

I married well the second time. Caused alot of problems with my childhood friends. I didn't change, they changed there perception of me.

I decided to live well, and never look back.

I imagine if you leave the church and those around you are still stuck by choice or too afraid to walk away they could say you have changed. They change how they treat you.

It turns out time takes care of lots of things. And you make new friends with common interests and lifestyles.

For me it was beign able to not worry about what i put in the grocery cart ever again.

So live well, life is too short to worry about shallow people.

Seems better to live well purely because it suits the individual's needs and life situation. As a mormon, I had enough of setting examples and putting on shows for appearance sake.

The only time I've driven toward revenge is when mormon strangers on high horses show up at my door after being told for many years that they're unwelcome trespassers on my private property.