I'm not always the best at thinking on my feet.

Someone does, says, or asks something outrageous, and I'm deer-in-the-headlights dumbfounded.

Two hours later, I think of what I SHOULD have said.


When I first left the church (about 12 years ago), I avoided people, especially in the neighborhood/ward. I didn't know how to deal with questions about why I left, and I didn't want to talk about it. When church stuff came up, I wouldn't say what I REALLY thought, and sometimes I didn't speak up when I SHOULD have. Sometimes I'm sure I gave the impression that I left because I was weak or lazy, because I just didn't want a confrontration.

But over time, it got so I could PREDICT what people would say, or what they would ask, and I could figure out IN ADVANCE how to respond to various comments and questions. I thought a lot about what to say in different scenarios, and it really helped me become more confident and prepared.

The truth is, that TBMs and many other people are rather predictable. They've been programmed with certain beliefs, stock phrases, and prejudices. As exmos, we basically know what to expect because we used to think the same way.

Families are often the same. We KNOW what to expect from our mother, or brother, or whoever. So we can often figure out in ADVANCE how to respond to whatever sh** they throw our way. Or decide if we want to interact at all.

It's kind of like little kids are taught to do, when they rehearse at school how to respond when someone bullies them or offers them drugs or alcohol. If you figure out in ADVANCE how to respond, you are able to control the situation and protect yourself from abuse.

"People leave the Mormon Church because it's too hard to live the laws of Heavenly Father."

"I'm sorry you're finding the rules of the Mormon Church onerous. I just didn't believe anymore. Maybe you should reconsider your faith if it is that difficult to live up to."

this is a great idea

here is an example of how to handle mormons on your doorstep:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0p4_GGDbS0

Trey Parker does a fine job as elder Young. *LOL*

or you can tell they are switching into "glazed over" mode in preparation to do so?

My husband (Socrates) sometimes takes the preemptive strike of telling people (before they start bearing testimony) that he thinks it's really arrogant or weird for people to bear their testimony, as if their feelings have more validity than anyone else's.

In the past, I've been able to steer the conversation elsewhere when I see them glazing over. Or if they jump right in with the testimony, I tell them something like "I KNOW you feel absolutely sure of your beliefs, and I respect that, but I'm just as sure of mine. Of course I trust my OWN knowledge and experience as more valid to me than anyone else's."

"Here in the real world the word "know" has a specific meaning, and you are using it incorrectly. Regardless of what you've convinced yourself to believe, *I* make my decisions based on verifiable evidence, not warm fuzzy feelings. (Or "heartburn" if I'm feeling frisky.) Do you have any verifiable evidence for me?"

Mormons typically don't phone ahead to say they're coming. They don't usually give any kind of warning when they ambush exmos in public. They've been taught their scripts at church and in their social circles for years and that can often at a loss.

It's a good idea to take a little time to plan and practice good responses to mormon intrusions.

Agreed. It's good to have something standard that works in all situations with Mormons. I mean, they have their canned responses and they like to ambush you and catch you off guard. Here are some that I think would work well:

"Why are you being creepy?" Say it like you are puzzled or well, creeped-out.

"That is a very anti-Mormon statement" (for when they assure you people only leave because they are offended - I mean, I didn't know Mormons were so offensive until other Mormons told me that they were.)

"I think it's much EASIER to be a Mormon because you don't have to think, or study, or examine your morals. You just have to do as you are told. I think Mormonism if for lazy people who don't want to grow up."

"I left because I know more about the church than you do? Oh, you don't think so? How many wives did Joseph Smith have? How old was the youngest? How many were married to other men at the same time they were married to Joseph? Which GA in 1997 gave a conference talk about Joseph Smith translating the BoM by putting a rock in a hat..."

"People who leave the church aren't angry at the church. How DARE you blame the church for the member's bad behavior! If a member angers an inactive because that member has poor standards or hillbilly manners, you can't blame that on the church!"

"That's funny - inactives think the saying is you can leave the Mormon church but they won't leave you alone."

----

I probably should say at this point very few people talk to me about church stuff. Maybe it's the creative misunderstanding, maybe they are worried about offending me, maybe they know I'll say what I'm thinking if they try and they can't deal with confrontation or maybe Bishop Jackwagon knows how well-versed I am in the problems facing the church and has scared everyone off from talking to me. But I almost never get to use any of these comebacks. Probably why I have so much free time to think them up. lol

"I know the church is not true because I checked it out. I know Joseph Smith was a conman and Thomas Monson is a false prophet of god, the leader of a corporation dedicated to increasing cashflow. I say these things in my own name, even based on facts, Amen."

Anagrammy

So wtf should you have said!?

My standard is...."you are basing this on the assumption that it's true. Outside of Utah people don;t even care about the Mormon church. So where it might be true and real for you, it's not for everyone else."

Anything they say after that gets a repeat.

Works for me every time.

The trick is to step up a level and don't deal with what they say but with the fact that they said it. Turn the discussion into their saying it and not about what they said:

Them: "I know the Church is true."

You: "so I bet you go around saying that a lot."



Them: "I'm sorry that you found it too difficult to live up to."

You: "Interesting that you turn a difference in belief into a character flaw in the other person. Why is that?"

"Fuck You" works in almost every situation.

Ron

This is funny! This atheist knows exactly what to say at the right time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQQr9EnJuS4



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2012 09:12AM by saviorself.