I got through it and thanks to my TBM wife it wasn't a bad experience at all. I have to give a lot of credit to my wife. She kept everybody away from me and away from the house as well. I didn't even see anybody before the wedding lunch and by that time the deal was done and there were too many people around for anybody to make completely inappropriate comments.

I didn't go to the temple so I wasn't there for those pictures. Nobody said anything about it to me. I did give a nice toast/short speech at the luncheon and made everybody laugh and cry. My daughter thanked me several times for the nice words and well wishing.

The reception was actually a lot of fun. I didn't get stuck standing in line because, at my daughter's request, I was playing in the band. The place looked fantastic as far as church gyms go. We paid a professional to come in and decorate. A big fabric tent was built to convert the gym into something else entirely. There were lights and columns and decorations. The wedding colors were used in the center pieces and echoed in the mood lighting on the cake and under the tables.

I know I'm not supposed to defend the church here, and maybe this doesn't fall into that category but there was a real sense of community in the event. There was a small army of ladies fighting over who got to work in the kitchen and many of my wife's friends went above and beyond to help pull it all together. I actually believe these are wonderful people in spite of the church rather than because of it but they probably don't see it that way.

My Mother-in-Law was well behaved. There were a couple of times she started to say things to me but then changed her mind. I don't know what she wanted to say but I ended up just getting hugged instead. I was fine with that and just hugged her back. Can it be that I actually feel a little sympathy for her? The was a little drama at the reception but I wasn't involved. It was between my daughter and my wife. I came out of it smelling like a rose.

Having been through it once has confirmed my decision about my son's wedding next month. I had already decided I was not going to fly across the country just so I could stand outside the temple there. Now I'm sure that was the right choice for me. If I'm not invited then I'm not invited. I will host the party here a month later and everyone will be welcome. If the TBMs are uncomfortable, then that's their problem.

Thanks for all the support, it really helps knowing I'm understood by at least some people.

Stunted.

You seem to have the basis for a solid relationship with your children and family now. Congratulations for carrying it off in such a wise and gracious manner.

Stunted, you are my hero. My biggest regret in life is that my only two remaining family members, my mother and grandmother, were kept out of my wedding because they were "unworthy" in the eyes of the holier-than-thou. Not that my wedding was anything to celebrate, but yeah, still, looking at a room full of complete strangers......I blocked most of it out over the years, but I can never erase in my mind that moment, and that feeling.

You took the higher road, Stunted. You are 1,000 times the person that the blind, the deaf, and the mute are, who live inside their bubble. Saying that it was a community event, that it was so very positive, somewhat taken aback at almost 'defending' that positive church-related experience......no need to defend or explain what brought out the best in you on that day.

Even your MIL......what we give out comes back to us. The fact that she started to say things, then couldn't continue, and gave you a hug instead. You are living an honest, authentic, and true life, and even if others can't articulate it or put it into words, maybe they were able to pick up on that. I'm getting a little "verklempt" again just thinking about it. All I can say is, well done, Stunted.
The day may come when I will be in the same position with my own children that you're in now. If I am, I'll remember this, and look back to you example.
*hug*

Yes, you are totally understood and glad you did it YOUR way. Seems that it can be a nice memory for you. Nearly all women of a church like to help if there is kitchen work to do. Glad these women did as well. Next mo. just think of this wedding and how you came home with a sense of self esteem. You did not allow any of the Mormon crowd to look down on you by being outside of the Temple. I really do think that is what many exmos should do. Don't give them the opportunity. But of course it is up to the individual. Just wonder if your daugher looks at her temple wedding as a lovely spiritual experience or if she is quite disappointed.

helped a lot of us understand this messy situation better. WE've all been rooting for you!

congrats on enjoying it as much as possible on what otherwise would viewed as low key and unorthodox by non members and exmos. things we can't control, we can make the best of it. I'm happy for you and your daughter!!

Congratulations on what sounds like a very nice event and for the classy part you played in it.

I'm glad it was a good experience for you in spite of the church.

I wonder if the day will ever come that she realizes dad loved her a whole lot more than the corporation. I hope so.

Also, I think your ability to perceive both the positive and negative of the church is part of your sanity.

I'm glad things worked out well and the wedding turned out beautifully. I've been reading your posts but didn't have anything to say that hadn't already been said. I'm sorry you were ever in that position but it sounds like everyone pulled together to make it a great event given the circumstances. I just hope your daughter realizes what an amazing father she has. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/11/2012 07:25PM by fetching49.

Out of six BIC children, only one is active. She married in Utah this weekend. I chose not to fly out and stand outside the temple. TBM DW went.
We will have a local reception this week.

Glad things worked out well for you, you handled it well my friend.

And isn't that what weddings are partially about? A community coming together to support the couple they love. A community that the couple will rely upon for wisdom and support in the future?

I attended two weddings last summer - one Jewish, the other was Catholic. Both had that sense of community. This will be part of my new reply when TBMs say I should have felt hurt when my convert DD married in the temple because a wedding should be just about the couple.

You handled it well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/11/2012 09:53PM by caedmon.

I worried so much for you and glad people behaved themselves. I think in some respects people are harder on the apostates than those who are nevermo's and do not see their family's weddings. Breathing a sigh of relief for you.