Posted by:
NeverMo in CA
(
)
Date: March 15, 2012 12:20AM
I'm not sure I entirely get it myself...just the other day, in fact, I had posted something and then thought, "I'm not even an ex-Mormon, and it's not like I don't have a billion other things I need to be doing...." It wasn't the first time that the thought has crossed my mind, either!
Anyway, in my case, I occasionally (maybe 3-4 times a year) used to visit this board and read a few posts because I have had an interest in all religions since I was very young (elementary school). However, I would read far more about Islam (including reading the Koran in various translations), Roman Catholicism (my own faith growing up), Buddhism, small Protestant sects or denominations, Wicca...you name it. I might visit RFM only if, say, some LDS missionaries had just stopped by my house, so Mormonism would briefly be on my mind.
Then, about two years ago, I joined a local mothers' club and very quickly befriended one of the first women whom I met there, who happened to be LDS. I mentioned during my first conversation with her that my mom was hoping we'd have our children baptized Catholics, so that led to her asking some polite questions about Catholic baptism, etc. She also revealed that she was LDS. At first I thought, "Uh-oh," only because I swear often and have a fairly ribald sense of humor, not to mention generally liberal political leanings, and I believed most Mormons to be quite conservative. However, this woman did not seem bothered by my swearing and, if anything, seemed to appreciate both my "inappropriate" jokes and comments and political views. I also found it extremely interesting/surprising that she is married to a NeverMo atheist, even though she is practicing LDS--weekly church attendance, garments, the works.
In a nutshell, we hit it off and became pretty close friends quickly, in part because we have children the same ages, but mainly because we just liked each other a lot.
Among the jokes we *both* would make during our friendship were sarcastic comments about religion--Catholicism as well as Mormonism. If anything, mainly because I certainly knew more about my own faith background than about hers, I made far more cracks about Catholicism--snarky remarks about pedophile priests, you name it. I truly do not think I ever said anything nearly as offensive about the LDS church or Mormons.
However, around Christmastime of 2010, our club threw a party, which I truly did NOT want to attend except that this friend made a big deal about my coming...and that's the evening when things took, for me, an unexpected and unpleasant turn. I won't bore you with all the details here, but suffice to say that her husband, whom I had never spoken to previously for more than about 30 seconds to say "Hi--nice to meet you," suddenly pulled me aside at this party and informed me, "You know, when you make fun of a Mormon's faith, it's exactly the same as if you make fun of a black person for their skin color." If not verbatim, those were nearly his exact words.
I was stunned, for many reasons, which are probably obvious. (No, her husband is not black--he is white, blonde, etc., as is my friend.) Worse, it was also obvious that my friend had put her hubby up to confronting me, although she later denied that. Initially, I was just saddened and shocked, but later, I was also angry about that. Okay, if a man truly feels his wife is being unfairly attacked, fine, I can understand and even admire his "defending" her, but I thought (and still do) that it was a bit pathetic that a college-educated, intelligent woman in her 30s had to get her husband to tell me off. Furthermore, as a college instructor who frequently teaches African-American slavery narratives as well as books about modern-day slavery of black Africans (the Sudan, etc.) in my classes, don't get me started on the whole LDS = blacks thing.
I was so saddened and upset that when I got home that evening I visited RFM and posted a far longer and more detailed version of the above incident, mainly because I wanted to know if it was a common view among Mormons that they consider "anti-Mormon" bias as bad as racism toward blacks...the consensus seemed to be, "Not all feel that way, but it is hardly an unknown view."
Although I realized even then that my one unpleasant experience was NOTHING compared to what most people on this board have experienced with Mormonism, I genuinely appreciated the support and explanations I was given. They were tremendously helpful in my making sense of an incident I would otherwise have had to write off as my friend (whom I still care for) being simply insane or ridiculous. It's also helped me to understand some of her other comments and behaviors in the meantime, as well as some past encounters I've had with other LDS members, with missionaries, and so on.
Combine that with the frankly fascinating stuff I have learned here, not to mention Raptor Jesus' writings, and, well, I was hooked.
I completely understand why a NeverMo like me with such a tenuous connection to anything Mormon would not be welcomed here by some (or many), and I do not think your question is at all rude. I'm just giving an answer. Hope it helps.