Recovery Board
: RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
I've been a non-believing, church-attending, calling-holding mormon for about 12 years (prior to that, I was a TBM). Over time, I've noticed evidence of my wife's slowly shedding mormonism.
About 8 or 9 months ago, she stopped wearing garments. Recently, we missed church a number of consecutive weeks for diverse reasons, such as vacations, work and even "let's just not go today" on one occasion. On one occasion, she went to church but was fine with one of my sons and me heading out for some outdoor recreation during church. She has recently been asking if I'm going to church with her, rather than assuming that I am. Maybe most significant, during a recent vacation with family, I told her I might have a drink with my siblings (almost all of whom drink). She didn't seem too upset and just said she'd prefer if I did it when she wasn't around. I didn't end up drinking, and I'm not in a hurry to do so. Also, she comes from a family with some history of alcoholism, so I can understand her concern with drinking. But it appears she might be OK with responsible alcohol use, which suggests that she has less religious concern.
Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see. I hope not.
About 8 or 9 months ago, she stopped wearing garments. Recently, we missed church a number of consecutive weeks for diverse reasons, such as vacations, work and even "let's just not go today" on one occasion. On one occasion, she went to church but was fine with one of my sons and me heading out for some outdoor recreation during church. She has recently been asking if I'm going to church with her, rather than assuming that I am. Maybe most significant, during a recent vacation with family, I told her I might have a drink with my siblings (almost all of whom drink). She didn't seem too upset and just said she'd prefer if I did it when she wasn't around. I didn't end up drinking, and I'm not in a hurry to do so. Also, she comes from a family with some history of alcoholism, so I can understand her concern with drinking. But it appears she might be OK with responsible alcohol use, which suggests that she has less religious concern.
Maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see. I hope not.
When I was TBM I would have never done the things your wife is doing. I don't think you are just seeing what you want to see. TBMs do not stop wearing their garments.
Consider yourself one lucky dude closet!
My wife still wears the clown panties, her foundation of frump, the Jesus Jammies. Like Rose said above, most Mormons don't just take off their garments unless they have awakened. Perhaps she has awakened slightly and still may be a little groggy from her Mormon slumber. What you need is a little strategy. Plan some more recreation time or another vacation. Show her life is better with 2 days in a weekend. Then occasionally step back in to the Mormon world for a weekend to remind her how painfully dull and bad it can be. Attend on fast Sunday when F&T is at its finest. Then continue to normal life win out Mormonism.
The next step in the strategy is to point out the silly factor. Thanks to Mitt Romney this is super easy to do because you can read nearly any article about the guy and the comments provide the Mormon whacky factor.
Next, if you are in or near Salt Lake take her to the $5 billion mall and ask her a simple and honest question. Do you think they used tithing money to build the mall? Then conclude that you never know because they don't release financials.
Do you see my point here? You're just about there and all it takes is a little more strategic effort to continue the separation. Widen that crack.
I'm jealous. My wife wouldn't even take her garments off if they were on fire.
My wife still wears the clown panties, her foundation of frump, the Jesus Jammies. Like Rose said above, most Mormons don't just take off their garments unless they have awakened. Perhaps she has awakened slightly and still may be a little groggy from her Mormon slumber. What you need is a little strategy. Plan some more recreation time or another vacation. Show her life is better with 2 days in a weekend. Then occasionally step back in to the Mormon world for a weekend to remind her how painfully dull and bad it can be. Attend on fast Sunday when F&T is at its finest. Then continue to normal life win out Mormonism.
The next step in the strategy is to point out the silly factor. Thanks to Mitt Romney this is super easy to do because you can read nearly any article about the guy and the comments provide the Mormon whacky factor.
Next, if you are in or near Salt Lake take her to the $5 billion mall and ask her a simple and honest question. Do you think they used tithing money to build the mall? Then conclude that you never know because they don't release financials.
Do you see my point here? You're just about there and all it takes is a little more strategic effort to continue the separation. Widen that crack.
I'm jealous. My wife wouldn't even take her garments off if they were on fire.
with the other two posters- re garments. 'tbms' keep on their garments, this person shed their garments- hence, they are not 'tbm.'
that said, there are people who have never been mormon- much less tbm- who either dont' drink or don't hang out with drinkers because alcoholism has hurt them. Just so you know, not being tbm doesnt' mean everyone will or should be comofrotable drinking serving or hanging with alcohol- it really can be a logical reaction or logical choice. I thought that having issues meant an incident or issue had ever existed, I now know that having resolved issues may include the solution, which chosen logically, is reasonable, way to avoid pain or triggers of tremendous stress and pressure from the past- in order to stay at an even point in mood, heart rate, blood pressure, and may be other measurable indicators- when experiencing a trigger than brings one back to a former state of heightened fight flight reactivity- even though that time is past.
so some, with an addressed potentially resolved issue, may solve it by avoiding the trigger to it, to avoid post traumatic stress sort of reaction in mood or heightened biophysical reactivity as if back with original pain or danger.
And alcohol can be that way- particularly if it included violence or danger for the person. I think 'issue' is a way of saying get over it, and I just wanted to put it up for thought that some things are reasonable and logical to make someone partake- as a cue or proof they are not tbm again.
taking the garments off- thats it- it indicates that person is no longer tbm.
have fun! & good luck with the Rest of the story!
that said, there are people who have never been mormon- much less tbm- who either dont' drink or don't hang out with drinkers because alcoholism has hurt them. Just so you know, not being tbm doesnt' mean everyone will or should be comofrotable drinking serving or hanging with alcohol- it really can be a logical reaction or logical choice. I thought that having issues meant an incident or issue had ever existed, I now know that having resolved issues may include the solution, which chosen logically, is reasonable, way to avoid pain or triggers of tremendous stress and pressure from the past- in order to stay at an even point in mood, heart rate, blood pressure, and may be other measurable indicators- when experiencing a trigger than brings one back to a former state of heightened fight flight reactivity- even though that time is past.
so some, with an addressed potentially resolved issue, may solve it by avoiding the trigger to it, to avoid post traumatic stress sort of reaction in mood or heightened biophysical reactivity as if back with original pain or danger.
And alcohol can be that way- particularly if it included violence or danger for the person. I think 'issue' is a way of saying get over it, and I just wanted to put it up for thought that some things are reasonable and logical to make someone partake- as a cue or proof they are not tbm again.
taking the garments off- thats it- it indicates that person is no longer tbm.
have fun! & good luck with the Rest of the story!