10. President Packer positively glows with the light of the gospel. Oh, right, that's just the formaldehyde in his veins.
9. The church may be as good as a GPS, but it's a hell of a lot more expensive.
8. Yep, thousands of years of religious devotion pale in comparison to the sacrifices Mormons make in fulfilling church callings.
7. If "spiritual communication can be enhanced by good health practices," I wonder who Elder Scott has been talking to. He's packing on the pounds.
6. That's not HR Pufnstuf, that's President Monson!
5. Apparently, "incidents in church history" is how Elder Holland describes fraud, adultery, and bogus scripture.
4. Single parents are not second-class citizens in the church. They aren't good enough to be second class.
3. I had no idea the church of the devil was noble.
2. No, that sucking noise isn't Elder Hales's oxygen; it's the church funds disappearing into the void of City Creek.
1. I haven't had this much fun since the last Tahitian Noni seminar.