So im 19 years old and I have recieved my mission call and it is to toronto canada. I dont believe in the church or the beliefs. i drink i smoke weed. i go to house parties like a normal kid my age. I dont want to go and i leave in 4 weeks for the mtc. The all of my aunts and uncles are exmormons and dont have anything to do with the church. they all know that i drink and smoke but my parents dont everyone one in my family knows that i dont want to go but i dont know how to tell them i am also going to the temple in a week and i plan on getting as high as i can when i go to the temple

also forgot i have been dating my girlfriend seriously for about a year (she is a bad mormon she smokes and drinks also) and whenever i am around my parents and other people from the church i get so depressed that i dont want to talk to anyone who has anything to do with the church. She has been trying to tell me that she doesnt want me to go. but i feel so pressured to go on a mission. she has been kicked out of her parents house because she has told them what she does and that she doesnt believe in the church. i want to tell my parents but it scares the shit out of me.

i realy feel for you as i understand the pressure you are under ,but my advise to you would be to come clean and tell your parents etc you dont want to go ,just think on this, you will be teaching others what you know to be a lie .and that is a terrible thing to do , mormonism is wrong on all sides you are a grown up and you dont have to do things to please other ,if your parents go againts you then they are not living what they belive .i was always taught my god comes first then my family then the church and needless to say i have left the church (cult)please dont do something you will regret by living a lie

Jrex91: My god if you were born in 91 then I left on my mission in august of that year. Wow, now I feel old and I hate it.

I give you 2 months tops on your mission before you fold like a cheap Mr. Mac suit.

Or you can do the thing that is gonna make you happiest and stay the hell away from the lds church and enjoy your kind bud. Believe me, I would toke up with you if I knew you.

I served and I wish I could have that time back now. Of course, i'll bet there is some monitary reason behind why you are pleasing your parents. There is really no other reason why you would even be considering going at this point in the ball game. Are they threatening you to go or you are cut off?

Let me tell you, you can survive on your own but you can't get your 2 years back. Smoke a bowl for me bro!

Two years of trying to trick people into Moism should scare you just as bad. Do you want your life to be like this forever? Having to hide what you do, who you are, what you believe? You have a partner who understands; both of you get out before tscc destroys any more of your life.

I think that your plan to rebel against it a little at a time will have you end up miserable and on a mission.

I think that you’ll save yourself a lot of grief if you just tell someone that you are not going. Your Bishop might be easier to tell than your parents, I don’t know. All you have to say is something like, “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and going on a mission isn’t going to work for me, so I need you to tell whoever you should that I’m not going.”

Then whatever they say to you to try to make you still go, just say, “That won’t work for me.”

I knew someone who bailed on theirs the Sat. night before their farewell. I knew someone else who did it at the MTC. It happens.

Save yourself the grief and do it now.

If you don't want to go no one can force you. At 19 you're a legal adult and you have rights. Be honest with your parents and tell them you're not going. Look for support from your ex-mormon relatives. Based on what you say in your post there is no way you should be going on a mission -- it would be completely pointless and a waste of your time. Good luck.

Grow up & say no.
From what you've shown here I can't see you making it or faking it on a mission for 2 years.
Since you don't want to go & won't last anyway, just tell everybody you're not going and get it over with now.

If you don't believe then you are going to make yourself miserable, not to mention all the others that do want to be there. If you are really into everything you mentioned then you'll have a hard time making it. Don't take that the wrong way, you asked. I wish I would have had the gumption to 'just say no' and stay home. Seriously, don't waste two years of your life doing something you don't believe in, life is too short & you'll never get this time in your life back. Do something productive, go to University, join the Military, get a job...whatever makes you happy. Good luck!!

Trying to "sell" a product that you don't believe in is a fool's errand. I know; I've done it.

What you need is a plan -- your own plan. If you don't have one, then you are subject to everyone else's plan for you. Start figuring out what *you* want and how you are going to get it.

Contact your exmo relatives and ask them to help you, if possible.
It's just not right that you should be forced into wasting 2 years of your life.

Whatever you do DO NOT GO ON A MISSION.

Perhaps one of the exmo families could let you live with them until you can get on your feet emotionally and financially.

Best wishes.

Asking advice on this forum is like going to a basketball tryout asking if you are going to have to play basketball.

Of course you shouldn't go on the mission. Take away your lifestyle, family, girlfriend and everything else and let's focus on a simple fact: You don't believe in the church. Since you don't believe in Mormonism, you sure as hell shouldn't go trying to get others for 2 years to believe in it.

There is no positive for you to go on a mission other than pleasing your parents and the Mormon community. Instead focus on living an honest life where you help others, and do what is truly right. If they can't accept you at that point, they aren't worthy of being someone you should care about anyway.

You could always confess to having "slipped up" with your girlfriend; that would automatically disqualify you if I remember correctly. Granted, it will have everyone looking at you in disgust and stuff as word gets around, but they'll do that if you don't go anyway. Mormons gotta judge.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2012 12:46PM by Xyandro.

There's no way out of it that's not going to make things uncomfortable without faking death. Of course, that'll make things uncomfortable in other ways, and if you don't pull it off well it'll make things more uncomfortable.

Honestly is your best choice, though. You'll be miserable if you go, and you'll feel horrible if you successfully "bring anyone into the fold" when you think you're teaching them lies.

I suggest trying to get out of the area while the worst of it blows over. Go on vacation, go stay with your relatives, go to college (or make plans to stay at college if you're already there), spend your time with non-Mormon friends. People who aren't involved in the church aren't going to guilt-trip you, and they aren't going to care that you're not going on a mission.

Good luck!

Good luck.

He ended up leaving after a few months in the mission field. He was extremely honest with us in the MTC, said he appreciated our support but he couldn't live a life he didn't believe in. I'm proud of him for making that difficult decision.

Since you know right now that you don't want to go, tell someone: your parents or your bishop. You're an adult. You can choose your own path. Do it sooner rather than later so no more people are involved.

IMO you should NOT tell them why you aren't going on a mission. I'd just tell them that you prayed about it and you've received confirmation that you should not go. If they ask for details just let them know that the church leaders have taught that some experiences are just too sacred to share and that the decision is final and if they have any issue with this they should take it up with the Holy Ghost directly and leave you alone.

Shortly after I got released from a LDS bishopric they tried to put me in a new calling. When the calling was extended I told him I'd pray about it and get back to him soon. Then I came on RfM saying "help" as I had zero experience telling LDS inc. NO NO NO. I decided to say NO to the involved parties via email simultaneously. I did indeed pray (though I was pretty sure the whole enchilada was bogus and I was just several months into no longer being a believer) and said something along the lines of "Dear Lord, if all these issues are bunk then please reveal thy will to me and also to the top church leadership so they can actually lead/guide us rather than just lead us astray as I have learned is really going on. In the meantime I assume no answer is confirmation that I can't fulfill this calling." Well the dear Lord didn't answer me (probably too busy boinking someone in his harem nigh unto Kolob) so I fired off an email saying that I had prayed about it and gotten confirmation that I should not accept the calling. That was a first big step for me in saying NO.

Best wishes to you and I'm certainly not going to judge you if you decide to go. I bet though you'll be miserable on a mission and make the life of your comps and leaders hell. I give you less than a 5% odds of completing your mission if you go. Think about where you want to be in the future and where a mission will you take you.

I like Alex's approach best. If you confess to sin, they'll treat you lower than dog doo-doo. They're already going to be disappointed, but there's no need to make it worse for yourself. And besides, they never have a good come back for the spiritual conformation you've gotten. It doesn't do them any good to tell you the spirit told them you should go. They all know that they can't get revelation for you.

You could "shuck it to the cobb" as my father used to say. Tell it like it is. Tell the bishop or whatever power you don't want to go. You been bang'n your girlfriend,,smoke weed,,drink booze and want to choose your own underwere. No law says you have to go. Seems like a waste of everybodys time and money. Don't let the guilt trip and pressure get to you. Lead on,,,

I don't belief is the best honest answer you have.
Then get busy being a responsible adult, pay your own way, get a job, go to college, or design your life the way you want.

Get a life away from the church. Don't waste your time and, maybe you'll even save some one from not joining tscc - what a blessing that would be. Get yourself away from the looney bin, get/keep support from those who love you and want you to make adult decisions.

First off, unless you are independently wealthy, own your own place and transportation, have your education paid for, etc., don't listen to the ass-hats here telling you to just "man up" and say no. That is easier said than done. I gather that you depend on your parents for support and really don't have a plan in place for when they kick you out after telling everyone "No".

However, it is a lot easier NOT to go, then to go and come home early. I found that out when I walked out of the MTC after five weeks. Like you, I was dependent on my parents. Everything I had saved had gone into purchasing things for my mission so I returned home with nothing. My father picked me up from the airport and as he was screaming at me during the 30 minute ride home, I realized I would need to come up with a plan. Life as I had known it would be changed forever and I felt incredibly inadequate.

Right now I bet there is a lot of excitement about you going through the temple and leaving in four weeks. If I were you, I would go to your Bishop and tell him you don't feel ready/worthy to go on a mission at this time. He will probably try to convince you otherwise, but stick to your guns. Tell him you have prayed, fasted, blah...blah...blah, but the bottom line is that you don't feel prepared to go AT THIS TIME. Ask him to help you with breaking it to your parents. This will change the whole dynamic of them being pissed and wanting to kick you out of the house, to everyone wanting to help you. The excitement level will die down. It will also buy you some time. Use that time to get a job, go to school, save every penny, etc. Because at some point you WILL have to say "No, I'm not going", and it will be a little easier if you are prepared for the worst.

Best of luck to you.

One more thing .... Unless you forced Joseph Smith to start the fraud it's not your fault that you are in this predicament. Thus you have no need to apologize for anything. My son would be in the same predicament you're in now in about 3 years if it wasn't for the fact that I left the church and he has no idea what it's really like to be TBM because I raised him to think. Too bad your dad and my dad didn't do the same.

"i drink i smoke weed. i go to house parties like a normal kid my age. I dont want to go and i leave in 4 weeks for the mtc."

Your introduction tells it all. You are not ready to face life alone yet (without the aid of family to support you). That's normal.
Going on an LDS mission as an "elder" at 19 is not normal.

It is NOT wise to force yourself to go and just "put up" with being miserable until "something" happens to send you home, just because you can't think what to do now to avoid it.

In my opinion, I think Mr. Happy gave you terrific advice:

"If I were you, I would go to your Bishop and tell him you don't feel ready/worthy to go on a mission at this time. He will probably try to convince you otherwise, but stick to your guns. Tell him you have prayed, fasted, blah...blah...blah, but the bottom line is that you don't feel prepared to go AT THIS TIME. Ask him to help you with breaking it to your parents. This will change the whole dynamic of them being pissed and wanting to kick you out of the house...The excitement level will die down. It will also buy you some time. Use that time to get a job, go to school, save every penny, etc. Because at some point you WILL have to say "No, I'm not going", and it will be a little easier if you are prepared for the worst".

The only thing I would changes is the ending: It will be a WHOLE LOT easier to deal with the fallout when you are prepared!

Best wishes...

Whatever you do....don't tell all about your personal life. It will be held against you for years, if not forever.

Besides, your personal life,is nobody's business.

thanks everyone for the advice. i would like to thank mr happy escpecially. i think i will try saying what you said to my bishop. I dont think my parents will kick me out but if they do they can go fuuck themselves. i am meeting with my bishop tomorrow so i will tell him. thanks again everyone just reading your comments has started to help me try and decide my own path

Don't get high before you do it though. Do it with a sober mind. You don't want to smell like a jamaican hey field so that they can blame your drug problem on your choices.

Make sure you say you researched the Pearl of Great Price facsimiles carefully and they don't match up with the real language

Be true to yourself. Don't go to the Temple. Don't make a fool of yourself. YOU do not believe. YOU don't have to do anything you don't want to do. MOM and DAD just have to deal with YOU and your choices. YOU are not a little boy. Make a choice and stick to it. Don't try to convert innocent people into a fraud. How can you then live with what you have done? Glad so many of your relatives are out. Speak to them about how to go about this. But DON'T be foolish and fake your life at this point in time. Start now to show the real you. Be kind as you explain but be firm.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2012 11:26PM by honestone.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this experience. It must be terrible for you. As a mother, my heart hurts for you. I hope that you will be true to yourself. Years from now you will be happy that you were true to yourself and did what you knew was the right thing to do for you and your own happiness. You can be assertive and strong and walk into the Bishop's office and say your peace. You might even consider some counseling beforehand as an added support? I wish you the best and please let us know how you are doing. I send you big hugs from this MexMom.

I've been in your shoes (well, except for the drinking and weed part), and know how tough it is. Telling my parents I didn't want to server a mission was incredibly hard, and it was something I'd been dreading for quite a while before telling them. In the end, it was worth telling them rather than going on a mission. I still get along with them pretty well now and everything is fine.

Based on everything you've said, you don't belong on a mission and won't be happy serving one, and you shouldn't commit to something like that just to avoid confrontation with you parents.

A few tips:

1) Ask your exmormon relatives for help. They know your family better than any of us on here do and can help you figure out the best way to break the news to your parents.

2) Have an exit strategy.

A lot of 19 year olds (especially mormons) rely on their parents to at least some degree for financial support, and I'm guessing you are in that boat? Do you think there is a chance your parents will kick you out for refusing to go on a mission? Mine didn't, but a lot of parents do. Make sure you're at least thinking about a place to live temporarily if they do, and figuring out what you are going to do for a job.

Best wishes! It is painful and scary now, but it is worthwhile in the long run.

I spent most of my formative years in the Toronto area. It's a great city, but DO NOT WASTE part of your life as a Mo-bot dressed in a ridiculous dark suit, shirt and tie, knocking on doors & trying to sell the LD$ LIE to people who, thanks to the Internet, probably know WAY MORE about Mo-ism than do the local members.

It's YOUR life, not your PARENTS' or anyone else's! You're the CAPTAIN of the ship of YOUR life! You're in command! You get to DECIDE what you're going to do with it.

If you choose NOT to go (my STRONG suggestion - I did the mission 'thing' a generation ago & had a hellish experience in S. America), devout Mormons who know you WILL NOT UNDERSTAND! Why not? Because they've been BRAINWASHED by a cult - that lies about ol' horny Joseph Smith (www.wivesofjosephsmith.org), the work of FICTION called "The Book of Mormon" (American Indians descended from sea-faring Jews who came to the Americas and were cursed by "the Lord" w/ dark skin - see 2 Nephi - PULL-EEZ!!).

If you go, you'll quickly learn to HATE the entire, d*mn missionary routine, I promise you! It's all rules, rules, rules to CONTROL young, brainwashed Mo-bots! It will drive you CRAZY and you'll be MISERABLE!

You need to act w/ integrity to YOUR inner truth, and with courage. Again, Mo-bots who know you WILL NOT understand! They'll probably try to guilt-trip you into going (They'll say something like: "Do you know how much you're letting your Heavenly Father down by being rebellious?! Blah, blah, blah.").

Then comes the attempt(s) to make you feel FEARFUL! ("If you turn your back on what you promised Heavenly Father in the premortal existence you'd do here on Earth, Satan will gain power over you!").

CULTIC MORMONISM is all about GUILT, SHAME, and FEAR!!! Here's a list of 40 FEARS that Mo-ism 'programs' people to experience: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/fears.htm

And here's info. about how CULTIC MORMONISM mind-f*cks people and what they can do to LIBERATE themselves: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

You have the RIGHT to CHOOSE the course for YOUR LIFE that YOU want. If you opt to NOT GO, brainwashed Mo-bots will be disappointed in you, but SO WHAT?! Are you going to live to PLEASE them?! If yes, for how long?! How many weeks, months, years, decades?! Isn't that kind of life HELL that will eat you up inside while you get pats on the head for being a 'good, obedient Mormon boy'?! Yes, it is.

Unless your parents are liberally-minded, if you choose to not go, you're going to take flak from them (and other Mo-bots). You DO NOT have to TOLERATE ANY of their dysfunction/sh*tty behaviour! You may need to leave, to get out of your parents' home and be on your own, to have your own space. I'm not saying that such a big change will be easy, but at least you will be FREE to be you.

And THAT, my young friend, is worth EVERYTHING!

Take advantage of resources in your community and state if you need to leave home. Your local city hall should be able to provide useful info. Look through the Blue Pages in your local phone book, where government agencies, including ones that help families and individuals, are listed. Call and ask for help. Get info. & educate & empower yourself. There are A LOT of great non-Mormons out there who care!

Best wishes!

Just be honest with your parents, family, bishop and all. You don't believe it and you certainly don't want to go on a mission then. If you just can't do that then your whole mission experience from the mtc and on will be nothing but a disaster and pain for you as their is nothing worse that pluging yourself into the life of a missionary when you don't really believe and don't want to be there.

I know this might seem so very hard for you to do but it really is a must thing that you will have to do or you will be very unhappy. Honestly facing what you really believe and sharing that with those who need to know is what you need to do. Take whatever consequences come and do the best with your life that you can knowing that you are living it honestly and doing what you want to do now and not what others want and think is right for you.

A big good luck to you and start hooking up with those who think the same way you do but still stay nice and civil to your family and friends who remain active in the church but just let them know that you are dong what you really think is best for you and they should respect that. Remind them to read the 11th article of faith.

YOu do not need to tell anyone why, but you can say, "No, I do not want to go on a mission" or "No, I do no want to go to the Temple."

It may mean that you have to fend for yourself at 19, but that may be better than 2 years of lies on your mission. BTW, I am often just blown away by how often and how easy it is for so many here to recomend telling lies, while so many here are critcal of the lies told by TSCC.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2012 02:44AM by MJ.

I went on a mission. Got very depressed 4 months in. Left the mission early and it was traumatizing. I experienced ptsd and nightmares of being forced to go out again. It was humiliating and i never was able to heal from that horrible experience. It was the worst decision i ever made and i wish i could rewind time by not having gone. It is better to not go at all then go and come home early. People look at you in disgust.Also save yourself the shock of going to the temple. You don't need to see that.