I was and still am very self concous about showing too much skin or wearing clothes that are too tight. I don't have a problem with tanks or halter tops, but much else I can't seem to get over. I haven't worn garments in 4 years and just wonder if this feeling eventually goes away.

Maybe it would help to move out of a terribly TBM area... The looks I get in tank tops alone can give ya nightmares.

If you wear a tank top where I live, nobody cares.
Nobody gives you "the look"
Nobody is telling all the members of your church that you wore a tank top.
The only time you might get a glance is when it's cold outside and everyone else is wearing a winter coat.

I can stroll through the mall in shorts and a tank top, drinking a cup of coffee, and wearing a cross necklace. Nobody would look at me twice, let alone gossip about it.
I live in western washington.

I've recently realized I still have residual mormon feelings about this after decades of being a non-mormon.

Sigh. Oh well. lol

It's so difficult to get rid of all the left over sludge.

After the last post I wrote, I've decided I need to go buy some nice looking shorts, tank tops, and a cross necklace. I'm going to wear a version of that every warm day, until its second nature. I'm determined to scrub all of the useless, crazy mormon rules out of my head. The fact that I even think twice about doing the most mundane things has got to stop.

I'd like to ask you a question about this by email if you're comfortable with it. My mormon modesty hasn't actually bothered me with fashion but suddenly has kicked in these many years later feeling violated from some of the breast cancer procedures I'm having. Wondering if I'm the only one. Goodytiptoe@aol.com

I understand if you don't want to discuss this and I still appreciate your comments and replies.

I do as well. I would NEVER wear a tank-top in public and I feel really bad when showing cleavage. Stupid I know but it's ingrained so deeply...

Cheryl Wrote:
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> I've recently realized I still have residual
> mormon feelings about this after decades of being
> a non-mormon.
>
> Sigh. Oh well. lol

I'm OK with cleavage but too tight makes me look a lot fatter, imo. And just personally, I think after a certain age, your hem can't go to high without looking silly, unless you are a rock star. Most of my fashion stuff has more to do with age-appropriate than residual Mormonism.

That's also something to consider. I'm not interested in trying to look like a 20 year old. But I do think there are still some things that I need to overcome.

All the times I wore long pants while working in the yard because one of my mo neighbors might see me. Ish. I'm never going to dress for the mormon church again.

Aw, $Ħ!+!!! X-Mo women, if ya got it, flaunt it!!

As for me, I wish to hell I HAD some cleavage to show!!!

Me too...

About this time next year I'll have some cleavage. Boob job!

My TBM great grandmother used to say "If you've got it, flaunt it"

Can't argue with your great grandma, can you?

I like to show off my cleavage and tats. People don't like it, they can go kick rocks. I'll show them all off as long as I can.
If I had to wear the clothing Mo's wear in the summer, I would die.

Like CA girl, I do believe in dressing age appropriate though; I am getting to the age where I am questioning how short of skirts I can wear these days without looking too trashy.

You are a hero, and an inspiration.

That's where my rebellious nature always came into play.

My BYU roomies were just shocked by the way I dressed. It was the late 90's and wearing a shear top over a black bra was in fashion. When you're young and skinny, you have to take advantage of it. :)

I have absolutely no problem wearing something sleeveless, but on the other hand feel very self conscious if I show even the slightest hint of cleavage.

You women need to show more!

I will not be told how to dress, whether from Mormons or from the other side. I will decide for myself what to wear, and I will wear whatever suits me best, whatever I'm comfortable in, and overall, whatever I like.

And I just happen to like soft short skirts, and either tank tops or tube tops, with either a t-shirt or a jacket with me to toss on over it just in case of cold weather.

and that is the way I feel the most comfortable and it has nothing to do with mormonism. My mother never expected us to dress as though we had garments. When I was single in the lds church and very lds--many of my singles ward friends wore shorts and tank tops, etc. I have extremely long legs (I'm almost 6 feet tall) and my legs seemed to go on forever in shorts. I feel "not myself" in shorts or tank tops.

I dress according to comfort with myself and not for anyone else.

It doesn't bother me how others dress. My son dresses in black exclusively and has for years--since middle school. I was well knownin Hot Topic by the workers because I bought his clothes.

Everyone has their own level of comfort.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/15/2012 10:15AM by cl2.

Only tall stores left in the USA are in the Mall of America and Utica, MI just north of Detroit. The one in Phoenix is long gone :(

Hooray for jeans and turtlenecks! Can't go wrong with the classics.

While my mom never made us dress too frumpily, the ban on two piece swimsuits killed me.

A few years ago I decided I was going to buy myself a bikini. I bought this great white one with big green polka dots. At the time I looked great in it (I've put on a few pounds since I had a major shoulder injury and couldn't work out) but I just COULD NOT get over the feeling that I looked slutty. I wore a tank top over it every single time. Total waste of a cute swimsuit.

Actually Heather, this was the kind of thread I was hoping mine would develop into, a place for you women to discuss how they can wear what they want with dignity, though I was doing so with my normal sense of humor. Somehow my thread got jacked into a bashing Joseph Smith and Brigham Young thread, not that there is anything wrong with that.

must be a mormon thing.

I never knew such shirts were called wife beaters until many years after my experiences with two abusive men (1 childhood, 1 adulthood). They both wore those ugly things. To this day I feel a creepy-crawly eww feeling when I see a guy walking around in public wearing one.

The first time I heard such a shirt called a wife beater, it was by a gal with whom I worked in a cubicle farm. I stared for a minute, then exclaimed, "My God! It's PERFECT!" Boy, did I get a few stares...

heather Wrote:
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> Maybe it would help to move out of a terribly TBM
> area...


Probably.

I live in a very artsy fartsy, hippy-dippy, flakey, laidback, hipster doofus city and people wear all sorts of stuff and it's no big deal at all.

That said, I hate having my cleavage showing. I have no idea why really because I don't have too many sexual hang-ups... actually while typing that I had a thought: I'm an introvert. It could be that I just do not want any attention or that it feels like an invasion of my privacy. Hmm, I'll have to think about that.

Wear what you want! If you don't feel comfortable in tank tops, don't wear them! I wear low cut tops when I'm out with my husband, but that's it. I have never liked having to be careful with my clothes, like short skirts or too much cleavage.

Hi Heather...you can wear leggings with just about anything. You can do the short knee-length leggings with a mini-skirt too if that would make you feel better. The flip-flops/"daisy dukes"/spaghetti-strap top look is almost a de rigeur summer uniform now -- would that work for you?

A few years after I left the church, I was living 1,200 miles away from home with my beloved gay roommate. I'd get dressed to go out and find I'd chosen some semi-Molly sort of outfit. To wear to the clubby clubs in South Florida. My roomie would raise an eyebrow and ask, "You're not wearing THAT, are you?" LOL Then he'd go to the closet, pick out something else and put an outfit together for me. I always showed much more skin after he dressed me. He'd choose something sexy and age-appropriate and would even help me accessorize (which I still suck at today).

It took me years to get comfortable with that. I still find myself wondering "is this okay" when I put on a sleeveless business dress for work. Of course, it's okay -- this is Florida! It's 90º by 8 a.m., I don't need friggin long sleeves. :>D

Pole dancing classes helped me a lot with this issue. Not that I've ever performed in public, but you get much more comfortable with your body when you are staring at yourself in a full-wall-sized mirror, dressed only in booty shorts, a sports bra, and hooker heels. I think exposure is key to comfort, and by that I mean, push the edge for yourself as often as is appropriate (obviously, don't wear Daisy Duke shorts to the office...) and after a bit, you get more comfortable.

As for the boob procedures... I've been through something similar and find I've sort of lost my modesty when it comes to bearing my chest. After a biopsy and a surgery, pretty much half of the local medical community has had their hands on my girls. I just stand there and let 'em hang out.

I think it just takes time and there's no reason to really work at desensitizing yourself unless you strongly feel that it's holding you back from enjoying the clothes you want to wear or something. If you're happy and comfortable dressing modestly, then there's no reason to change, IMO.