I can tell there's a lot of negative, judgemental things being said about me in the local community. I can't prove it directly, but I have had people drop hints.

How do you deal with this--especially when it's affecting job prospects and your social life?

Well, it hasn't hurt my job prospects and I don't socialize with scum like that but I usually mess with their minds by saying something about how sorry I feel for people who lie, since bearing false witness against your neighbor is a sin equal to adultery and how the gospel teachings mean nothing to people like that and how sad it is when people just throw their beliefs in the trash, just to tell lies about others. I seem shocked and disappointed in the "bad Mormons". It really does confuse them because I turn their own canned phrases against them and they don't know what to think. It confuses their programming.

but my one thought is to be direct. Mormons prefer gossip and passive aggressiveness. So if someone is saying something that hints at something negative, or is passive aggressive, ask a direct question or comment on it. Or turn it around humorously. But try to keep your cool.

I'm NOT suggesting being confrontational, because that's not going to win friends or influence people. But don't be a doormat, and don't show vulnerability.

If you gave more examples of what you are dealing with, you might get some more ideas of how to deal with it.

It might also be helpful to read up on boundaries or how to recognize and deal with toxic people. I read up on control/manipulation/abuse, and it made it easier when someone tried to pull out a control tactic on me. Instead of being blindsided or confused, it was kind of ENTERTAINING to watch them do their thing. Patricia Evans has some good books on this.

I had one neighbor who caused me some problems. I just chose to ignore her.

But when my ex left, he was so well liked by the ward members--to the point of the women being in love with him and also the young women being in love with him. He is a very likeable guy--VERY. The attitude was, "He finally left the bitch." They had no clue what was going on and I was judged HARSHLY. I've very reserved in person. I really did want to stand on the roof and scream out "It wasn't my fault." Gradually, over time, I just developed a who-cares attitude. Amazing what a change it made.

I've even had "girls" we knew in the singles' ward (we have been married/separated total 29 years in September) who will make comments to people I know about, "Why doesn't she just let him go?" They invite him to after church dinners (they vote him onto the island--get that--50 some odd year old people). I assume they think they are righteous enough to save him from his gayness as I obviously failed. I can't believe they still think it is their business at this point in our lives. He needs me much more than I need him--and I HAVE A LIFE. Of course, women are so desperate, it must be me who needs him. I have a boyfriend--the one I wanted to marry at age 20. My ex doesn't.

I'm always the one that gets thrown under the bus--and I have had to just learn to live my life and not worry about it. Hard to do, but after so much time, you realize what is of value and what isn't. You need to be proud of who you are and not let them get you down.

I've found if I react to their insanity, it feeds it instead of the opposite effect. BUT I've lived in Utah most of my life and I'm used to their tactics. Even as a mormon kid, I got treated poorly. Our whole family did.

They make things up as they go and there is no 'winning' except in terms of living your life to the fullest. This type of person isn't worth worrying about. (I do know it is difficult.)

Threaten suit and follow through. One filing and they will dry up.