Yes, I did. When my holy abusing priesthood holding ex realized I really meant it , that I was no longer gonna do the MO thing, because I had honestly studied out, he became meaner and meaner until I could stand it no longer and told him "We need to get a divorce." Then I filed.
I only later realized that that is what he wanted, but he did not want to be the bad guy and file; so he made my life miserable as hell until I finally did. It took about a year.
I have never regretted leaving him,and have not one good word to say about the man. He is mean and a hypocrit to the core and lies about everything and anything. Okay, I am done now.
He was first counselor in the bishopric twice, and NO one ever had a clue of what was going on behind the doors of our lovely home.
He actually beat the crap out of me several times a year for the first 10 years of our marriage because I petted with a few guys as a teenager, before I even met him. He would say I " betrayed him before we even met". How does that work? It was awful.
My wife and I had a good and loving marriage (sure there were communication problems sometimes but nothing terrible).
When I told her about my disbelief and that I didn't want to attend it took less than a month before her TBM family bought her a plane ticket to Utah to get away from me and less than a week from when she came home she was asking for a divorce. From me voicing my doubts to the signing of the first divorce papers was 6 weeks... I'm now waiting for the divorce to be finalized in another month and a half.
True, it wasn't just leaving the church, but the issues that lead to the divorce all centered around my disbelief. For example: We both wanted kids, but she was unwilling to allow me to explain to our hypothetical kids why I didn't believe and I was unwilling to allow my hypothetical children to be instructed by mom and church that I was "bad" because I didn't believe. I was willing to compromise on a lot of issues, such as word of wisdom stuff. Because I didn't believe in the priesthood I was nolonger worthy to lead the family. (Personally admitting that the priesthood didn't exist felt like a rock was lifted off my chest and was excited to change the family dynamic to be more equal partners) Because I didn't believe in the sealing power I had voided our "eternal marriage" and a marriage for mortality wasn't enough for her, she "needs" an eternal mate. (never mind that I told her and still believe that if there is an afterlife, I can't imagine not being together in some way) Oh and the uncertainty of "what kind of man I would become without the church". From what I was able to glean she was afraid I'd become some kind of perverted alcoholic monster. I tried to explain to her that I always concidered myself a pretty nice guy, that I was a nice guy before I was mormon, and I have no reason to believe that I will stop being a nice guy... also that she could ask my friends and family about what kind of person the pre-mormon me was.
So yeah... it is that simple sometimes.
I should mention that I do know of at least one of her TBM family that encouraged divorce... I suspect other people in her "TBM Support Collective" also gave her this advice... I was surprised, I knew it was a risk but I thought we were starting to work towards a compromise... nope, I guess I mistook the lack of her attacking my position for some form of respect and understanding when really it was that she had made up her mind to leave and at that point why try to convince me that I'm wrong with she can punish me.... at least that's how I read the situation.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2011 06:49PM by strivingforbalance.
Similar is happening to me. DW was very upset the first week, but then things settled down to a nice routine, a intimacy actually increased for a month. Then one morning,out of the blue, she didn't even allow me to kiss her before I left for work. That night she talked top my TBM parents & the bishop. When I asked what was up, she said she wanted me out of the house & a divorce. I am still home, but I don't know how long we can be together when she insists the marriage can not work. She needs the temple sealing &CK ticket. We have friends that seem happily married even with different religions, but she does not believe she can do it. With no intimacy I don't think I can make it work either. Right now I am scared for our future.
Yeah, that is sad. She loved her church more than the human she married. I say you should feel blessed. You will have a spouse one day that loves YOU and won't judge you up against a "church". It didn't matter what you said or how you lived pre-Mormon life, she had to believe what she had been taught- you would become bad if you left Mormonism. These people are so brainwashed. Glad you don't have to live with that. And surely her family was a big part of this. They could not handle their daughter being with a guy who used his brain to discover Mormonism was not for him.
When I first heard on this board that Mormons were divorcing, because one didn't believe and the spouse said "our marriage is based on lies". Right then and there I decided I ain't never getting married based on religion.
We were a happy young couple, no major problems, three little kids, both of us born and raised in the church. A little over two years after I announced I no longer believed, she left me (with no warning), took the kids and filed for divorce.
During the divorce negotiations, her lawyer (who was a high school classmate of mine) asked her what it would take for her to withdraw the divorce petition. She said she would withdraw it if I came back to the church and became a good Mormon again. That was the ONLY problem between us.
It really can be as simple as one spouse leaving the church, as the other often feels betrayed and still wants that eternal marriage, family forever thing, and ticket to the CK. I know several people where it was that and only that.
I gave him an ultimatum, join the church or else. He joined, we went to the temple a year later. He became inactive and I made life miserable for awhile. That was abusive and unfair on my part. I finally left the church and we are healing from the craziness. That's awesome for us, but it pisses me off so many others go through so much pain from the cult.
It happend to me. My wife left me when I would not re join the mormons and take her through the temple. When we married I was out and she was totaly inactive. We had a good successful business,,nice home,,2 wonderful kids. Then she started going back to church. I found out later that some members of the ward/bishoprick told her she could do better than me. We lost the business,,lost the house,,and she moved back home in Idaho with her parents. I have been told by some TBMs that she done the right thing. I choose never to remarry and still keep in contact with the kids. So when they tell me about the family values and the honesty of the mormons,,I wanna puke.
Upon confiding in my ex-wife that I was having serious doubts about the church she ran to the bishop & the whole situation spun out of control.
I had questioned tscc all of my life, even during my mission, but after they changed the temple ceremony in 1991 I was done. Forever lasting gospel? Ya, right!
It was sure tough on our six kids & that still pains me but my conscience wouldn't let me pretend any longer.
It was the best thing to happen in my life. I was a bird trapped in a brass cage & the door was opened for me. I now look back at the brass cage (tscc) & enjoy the freedom.
My kids are all doing great too! They survived.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2011 08:25PM by travis.
I told my husband I didn't think I wanted to be involved in the church anymore on a Monday. He left me the following Sunday. That was it. The only thing he could explain to me is that he had to put God as a priority in his life. If I didn't believe in the church, then how could I possibly support him in this? How indeed...
After he left, we spoke a handful of times over the phone, and all other communication was done via email. The divorce is final, and now I'm left picking up the pieces trying to figure out how to support myself after following the mormon plan and not getting a real career of my own. Of course, all my "friends" from church never even said a word to me. This all happened 10 months ago. Fuck the church.
I was not about to allow a difference of opinion over religion to destroy our investment in a long marriage, a home, children, grand children, property, etc., etc.
For some reason, it seems to me, some partners demand and must control the other partner's beliefs. That's an impossible condition for a marriage.
Just me, but that's pre-teen behavior-childish -- throwing a fit demanding they get their way -- forcing the issue that someone comply, especially in issues of religion, disallowing any changes, etc. That kind of rigidity is destructive and very selfish. It's all about them, their way,not considering what they do to their own children.
Adults can compromise, negotiate, and be respectful, protect their investment in their lives and those in their family. Judging from divorce rates, there are a lot of children playing house and ripping people's lives apart!
That is true in non TBM marriages where disbelief isn't apostasy and the breaking of an eternal covenant. If you don't buy the morgs BS it means you can not be together forever and have turned your back on gawd and your spouse. There is no wiggle room for disbelief.
I think your comment is important. My DH was never a control freak, he's a caring, patient man. That's why we made it thru all the cult crap and that's why he did not make a good Mormon
My wife was very tbm. I knew when I wanted out of the church our marriage would not work. As soon as I made the decision to be authentic, be true to my beliefs, I knew also that my marriage would end. We got divorced and I moved out to an apartment. I went through some challenging times with ex, family and friends. After a couple of years I met and married a woman with similar beliefs and never dreamed how wonderful a non-LDS marriage could be!! Was a tough decision and I feel for all those who are in this situation.
Happy for you, a nice ending. Someone said they hated the effing church; me too. I do not really care about the divorce, but because of the GD brainwashing of the church, to which I contributed unknowingly, my relationship with my adult kids will never ever be what it was.
I mean we were close as you can be and now there is always fear and suspicion I feel on their part when they are around me and it hurts that they rarely ever call. I get no respect because I left.
I decided yesterday I am making a will and leaving all I have to my innocent grandkids. I will leave my kids nothing, but their kids will have a little money to start their lives with at age 25, unless, of course, the economy completely collapses before I die.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2011 09:40PM by think4u.
Yes I did...I just couldn't do the Mormon thing. I knew I couldn't. It ruined two lives when I left...he never remarried...I did which was a mistake. We have two boys together...he sees them whenever he wants to...no problems. He still waits for me..I still love him deeply.
Yup... Smack dab in the middle of it right now. She’s a multi-generational TBM. I once had the optimism of youth... 3 Kids: 17/15/10. My anger driven intolerance of anything LDS (and most things religious) has destroyed any hope of a future together.
My 2nd marrige,worthy of the temple, tho my ex got permission for another sealing, but I didnt, even tho the bishop felt that all will be well just take her to temple. But on that day the pres of temple had to ring my ex 2am her time in morning because monson an appostle then talking on speaker phone direct to temple pres, said go ahead seal them if his first wife gives permission..
Of course she didnt, and swore on the phone saying he should not get 2nd chance, and so we married civally around the corner in stake centre after she screamed her head off in temple feeling foolish to explain to all her family quests traveled across the country for temple wedding.
The honey moon turned to shit and so did the sex as we felt like shit, or rather she made me feel like shit \ not knowing the facts and should not of bothered loving her if cant marry in temple.
She later broke my nose in anger that I fucked up her temple dream. I didnt press charges just felt sorry for her and she fucked off out of my life.
Years later, now excomunicated by not rushing into marrige but married later, approved of re-baptism while working overseas, came back to australia only to be rejected by new bishop who felt I had my chance and he created such a scene by terminating me attending church using my biopola depression illness as justified by revelation that god has no time for mental illness in his boundary it broke that marrige, fucked up re-baptism as by now I would of been sealed to my last wife...
All shit hit the fan, I hit rock bottem became a drug addict tho a good samariton stopped to help while a mormon modern day fucking levite walked on by to temple and ignored me throwing salt in wounds, tho I discovered the real jesus
I learnt that christians catch the fish first and christ cleans them but mormons clean the fish first and the devil catches them..... I was never clean enough for mormonism not even in my filthy rags of rightousness nor was the fucking bishop at the time.
I learnt that we enter into christ rightousness and deny our own rightousness and obedience and stop trying to earn heaven.
Mormonism is defenetly a cult, a glorified masonary mind controlling cult.it has led people to sucide. In fact that bishops father who was a mission pres sent a man home for a wet dream over his temple bride to be, that left him so shunned and rejected he killed himself. A leader on his presidency when a stake president killed himself.
This italian marfia mormon mob kept getting the callings up the ladder to this day despite this shit and people keep voting them in, stuck up arrogant tall with this son of a bastard who fucked up my marrige and all hope.
Anyway doesnt matter, the church is not true anyway and even if it was who would want to be in such a arrogant shit relegion, where does not go after the one lost sheep as even as I visited another stake boundary the members who visited that day giving a talk about the lost sheep ignored me and shunned me and called the bishop to warn me that I should go on my merry way, not welcomed even in that stake. I then gave up on the church.
Every door was closed....Not fair that my first wife who met an african on the net was given permission to be sealed and I wasnt and still in the church today as snobby as ever...
Pick and choose the church does who fits in and who does not but christ turns no one away, tho the mormon christ is shit a false one to the core.
MY wife and I (both BIC) had kids and everything inlcudeing a great relationship. I am researching egyptian and along comes the Book of Abraham then all the real history about Mormonism and that relationship crashes downhill.
The only saving grace for her is that she knew if she told the bishop or her family members divorce would have been the answer so she stuck it out but made me promise to go to church and play the act.
After a few months she starts asking for a divorce because she is getting tired of it all. God speaks to me and say for me to let her go. After helping her pack it dawns on her that 'why the hell would I leave a guy loving enough to help me and take care of me even at this hurtful time'. She takes up one of my books just to see my side of things and wham bam shes standing beside me on the day we write our exit letter to the church and TBM family both sides.....
Figuring out the Church was BS ...gave me the ability to see my marriage in all its dysfunction and I got the hell out of both ASAP..... Best thing I ever did and have never looked back or regretted it.
She was BIC a generational mormon. I converted at ten. Married thirty years, five kids, all decent people, never asked her to leave the church, only to understand why someone would not believe. I never wanted to divorce and never asked for one or implied it. Decent relationship.
After a year and a half of her threatening to divorce me I told her that if that's what she wanted to get on with it and stop the constant threats. 19 years on the same wards/stake/area and not one soul in the church discussed squat with me. She practically lived with them. I can only imagine the advice she got but after 40 years of being taught what mormons teach/think about non-believers or apostates it really is no mystery.
So she divorced a perfectly good man.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/11/2011 11:02PM by AmIDarkNow?.
My father divorced my nevermo mom after 30+ years of marriage. Walked out on her and my younger siblings.
Reason: "I deserve a temple marriage."
The drive for an eternal forever family is so strong that it is apparently okay to treat your real, live, breathing Earth families like total crap. And yes, the church and its member completely backed up his decision. I have more than strong suspicions they even encouraged it.