As I am thinking of how I can possibly put my emotions into words, I am flooded with personal reasons why my decision to leave the church and giving myself permisssion to do so has changed my life for the better.
I like many others thought I was the only one out there that could possibly be this mixed up. I should write a blog or article I thought and see if anyone responds. Then lo and behold the internet gods stepped in and after finding a couple of books and downloading them on my kindle and looking and finding this site my eyes were open.
I grew up in church with generations of faithful LDS. I was in all the "programs" and did my best and what was expected.
I tried to get that burning and belief that I "knew the church was true and president....whoever was a true prophet of god" I never felt it. As an adult married to a non-member(oh no) I again tried for the sake of my children. I would lug them to meetings on Sunday and I would feel like I was in a 3 hour prison. Have you ever noticed just how UNHAPPY everyone there is???? I was always feeling like I was lost.
well 2 weeks ago my husbands father passed away. Mind you I have been married for almost 25 years.I have 6 siblings and my husband has always been supportive of my families beliefs. Well my parents and oldest sisters family were the only ones that even acknowledged the death of my father in law. No phone calls, no cards or flowers, notta. Wow...really?? Wheres the compassion? wheres the families are forever? wheres the sympathy and love? They preach till they are blue in the face but that was the straw. Funny I bet if I had told them my husband had seen the light and was getting babtized that day they all would have been there with open arms and casseroles for that! Well thank you my dear family. Count me out in the reunions in heaven. Come down and visit me if you must. I'll be the one with my true family and friends and a smile on my face!

You are doing what many of us do: find our own path for our own individual journey!

When Mormonism doesn't work for you (or anything else, for that matter), it's a clue that it's time to make some changes.
And, we can do that.

Sounds like you have found another way to live your life that is more productive and successful! Good for you!

Take your power back and own it and conduct and direct your life on your own terms. That's our right!

Congratulations! In my opinion, one has finally become a mature adult when they realize they do not need this conglomeration to be happy or to live life.

We have enough authorities to obey as it is. Why do people, having been born in the modern world and fortunate to live in a free land feel compelled to add this stifling layer of authoritarianism?

A confidence will come in knowing you have control and the false hierarchy of Mormondom is nothing but an illusion.

Your story is not that different from mine. Eat Pray Love (movie) suggests life is a journey and it takes a lifetime to find the true meaning that applies to us. Good experiences and painful ones lead us along in this journey. The unkind and thoughtless acts by members are so painful to so many. One of the first things I asked myself many years ago was,"How in the hell could this be the true church of God when so many of these kind of acts take place??" The church line is that the church is perfect but members are not. I am sorry but that line just doesn't work.

You are not alone. There are many, many folks like you whohave found the way out. This board is a safe place to find your feet again.
Welcome dear friend!