Honestly, the only nights I get good chunks of sleep are nights I drink. But I'm tired the next day.
Things have gotten a bit worse since I opened up to my therapist.
It brought a lot of shit to the surface and part of me feels I shouldn't have started down this path.
When my own child cries I want to leave the house. I get antsy and can't sit still. I try to hold her to get her to stop, but when she doesn't I'm a wreck inside. I lose patience and hand her off to my wife and step outside if I can.
I'm like a string pulled too tight.
Lack of sleep is wearing me down. How do you improve sleep?
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2012 02:39AM by Lost Mystic.
Make a bedtime ritual -- it helps your brain realize it's time to sleep.
Go to bed and get up at the same time each day (as much as you can).
Don't take naps if you can possibly help it.
When my brain is racing and won't let me sleep, I envision a peaceful, relaxing place and focus on it. Usually for me it's a deserted beach ('cause I love sun, which I can't be out in anymore without covering up like a Muslima and I love the water and the sound of the ocean). So I envision the sound of the waves, the feel of the warm sand and the warmth of the sun on my skin, etc.
It doesn't always work.
My daughter-in-law uses melatonin and thinks that works well. It didn't do anything for me though.
Oh, and don't turn on the lights or sit in front of your computer while it's on. Sit in the dark and think peaceful thoughts if you just can't go to sleep.
To the mix. I first learned about them when I sobered up, and they're useful. Your therapist can probably point you to a resource for obtaining them (anxiety management tools is generally what they're referred to). Any recovery bookstore probably has some as well... You can use "guided imagery," "feedback via alternately tensing and relaxing muscles" or several other approaches.
Some of this stuff just takes time as far as healing and accomodating a lot of new emotions that you're not medicating.
I used Remeron for about 6 years and it did a LOT to break the insomnia cycle I'd been in since childhood. The drawbacks were; dry mouth (but I have that anyway), groggy until my body adjusted to the medication (about a week), and (worst of all in my mind) I gained 100 pounds on the stuff. It stimulates your appetite.
I'm really glad I used it because I'm not sure if my ingrained sleep patterns could have been changed without it -- but I sure wish I had known about the weight gain aspect. I'd probably have gone off of it far sooner if I'd known. But I didn't even know I HAD a sleep disorder when I started the stuff. I never could understand how people went to bed at 10pm and got up at 6am and functioned. Didn't know that it was abnormal to lie awake thinking for hours and start awake at every odd noise.
Oh, and I also sleep with my dogs. They assure my subconscious that nothing is going to sneak up on me while I'm vulnerable and hurt me because they'll both bark and quite likely attack the threat to their Goddess of everlasting goodies. :)
It's a GABA agonist (so is alcohol) that feels almost exactly like a benzodiazepine, and in fact works on the same receptors. If you try this stuff be advised that is every bit as addictive as alcohol or xanax or valium or any other substance that binds to GABA receptors. There are entire forums for people tying to go off this stuff that can't because they ignored the warning to not use it every day.
Anyway, it's legal and look at the user reviews. Just be very careful, benzo type withdrawal is (I'm told) about like alcohol withdrawal. Cabbie would be happy to elaborate I'm sure.
They've come out with new stuff since I was in the field; the caveat I was raised under is "avoid chemical remedies for chemical problems." I can follow what MiB is saying but I have no opinion and I suspect the answer from my sister the MD working in the field would be similar.
Which was why I suggested the techniques above... And right now I'm back up after a night's work and only four hours sleep myself, but I'm just doing a little bit of warm milk and some carbs... Oatmeal is wonderful for helping me get back to sleep.
If Lost Mytic still drinking, something isn't working, and he needs to find something that will. Any therapist who's telling you otherwise is enabling you.
I have recently started taking a homeopathic sleep aid that I purchased at Whole Foods called Rescue Sleep liquid melts. It dissolves on your tongue in less than 10 seconds and it has helped me get to sleep faster.
The active ingredients make me giggle:
Helianthemum nummularium.....courage and presence of mind
Clematis vitalba.....focus when ungrounded
Impatiens glandulifera.....patience with problems and people
Prunus cerasifera.....balanced mind when losing control
Ornithogalum umbellatum.....softens impact of shock
Aesculus hippocastanum.....relief from repetitive thoughts
However, if you are taking other meds., I would check to see if there are contraindications or drug interactions. Approximately $10 for 28 melts.
I use 'Simply Sleep' (a generic of this can be found at Big Lots stores in the U.S. for about a dollar - much cheaper, same stuff) together with a little radio tuned to talk radio or NPR. I turn it to a low volume and put one earbud in. This also works for my dad. When my parents recently visited, he was panicking upon arrival because he had forgotten to pack his little radio. I had several extras, and he was so relieved.
We talked about our habit, and agreed. The radio/talk shows stop us from thinking about stuff going on in our own lives... it shuts our mind off so we can sleep. Podcasts or audio books also work.
Sometimes the radio alone works well, other times I need to take the Simply Sleep also.
I told you to exercise. This does quite a few things for you - one of which will help you sleep without drugs.
You need to watch your caffiene intake as well.
For a while you are going to go to sleep because you are exhausted - and your body can't handle being up anymore.
Honestly, I would avoid the drug stuff for right now. You need to get through this without becoming addicted to something else.
And by god is it going to suck.
And you are going to suck at work for a while. That's why I recommend talking to them if you can.
You are going to be slow, easily distracted, and irritable like a toddler. People need to understand that.
It's also clear to me that your selfish child is a big trigger for you.
I'd talk to your therapist about that immediately. You need to break that trigger as soon as you possibly can. In whatever way you can.
You didn't boil that baby. You did everything you could to help. You worked in an area where you saw the absolute worst of humanity. It's a smaller fraction than it seems.
That was NOT your kid. That was NOT your fault. And when YOUR child cries - it is NOT that kid. That kid is no longer suffering, and the parents should never have had it in the first place. But there is nothing that can be done about that now.
You are a good dad, and you've got to face all of that. You have to face this trigger. You need to be able to ride the wave of rage and fear.
I'll tell you a secret too - it may NEVER go away. It's about you managing it the best you can.
I'm not sleeping very well right now. I'm still shaking sometimes at night, and sometimes my skin feels so hot that it might start the bed on fire.
BUT - I'm also going through the worst of it right now. It will get better, it will get more manageable because I've got a support system that I'm gathering around, and I'm taking time for myself.
To be honest as well, you may want to take PTO and have a staycation this year. Tell your wife to suck it up. And would she rather have a good husband and father, or would she rather go on vacation with an enraged zombie?
As far as sleep goes I have a couple of things I do.
No caffeine after 11 am
No alcohol right before bed. At the most I might drink 1 glass of wine 2 hours before bed.
I have to have something too distract my thoughts or my mind won't shut up. I usually use my laptop with the light turned down low. I used to watch tv, but it kept my husband awake.
Sometimes I need to sleep by myself. I'll almost be asleep, and if my husband moves the bed it wakes me up, and I have to start all over again. I have another bedroom (quietest room in the house) with a bed in it that I will sometimes go sleep in.
You might try Binaural beats. Brain wave entrainment. There is no scientific evidence why this should work. It works for some, and it may be just the power of suggestion. I have not tried this, I don't want to give up smoke, and they say you shouldn't use drugs with this. It may work for you.
I have a close friend who turned to alcoholism to help him sleep and work. He had deaths in his family that he is still having a hard time getting over.
Recently he went to see his doctor and got some Xanax and some other anxiety medications. Not sure exactly what he has, but I haven't seen him drink in a while. It did help him.