ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I have been having some issues in my life for a very, very long time. So I thought I could call my parents and ask for a little assistance to get out of the problem, and in the long discussion where I bore my soul to my dad, telling him that I am doing the best that I can and other TRUE things, he says to me, "You know, none of this would have happened if you hadn't left the Church." WTF???? Really??? So the Church is where everything is? I am Happier for leaving, I am a better dad because I can actually spend time with my kids, I'm a better human being caring about more than just the MORG. So why did he have to throw that in my face! I equate that hitting below the belt.

Due to that social fallacy, and more that they have done, I am cutting of all communication with my family. They have done things like that for TOO LONG. That same day my sister was preaching to me about the greatness of the scout program, and blah blah blah, and I told her to stop preaching to me because I don't support organizations that don't allow some of my friends to participate unless they lie. I'm done with my family!!! I can't keep getting hurt like this from my blood relations. I really wish that they would see the true truth and not be blinded by that STUPID RELIGION!!!! And I wish that they would stop putting it first in their lives. ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ugh! What did you say to your Dad?

"I've got to go. Bye." And then I hung up.

I reccomend Semper Ubi Sub Ubi! Always where? under where?

I always hated that attitude, even while still in.

How can people honestly sit there and say that everything good is dependent on being a member? (And of course anything bad is a test) I would always ask about specific nevermos that sure seemed to be doing a lot of good in the world or were very wealthy or had good things going for them.

If that didn't just shut them up completely, they would sputter something about how it was a test for us, they weren't REALLY happy, or they would be some of the first to accept the church in the afterlife. Ugh

I'm really sorry that it has come to the point that you just can't deal with them anymore. Hopefully you cutting them off will make them realize that they are not putting family first...

"You know, none of this would have happened if you hadn't left the Church."

That's a 'stock answer' used by TBMs. It's insensitive, irrational, and just plain stupid.

An appropriate response would have been, "Really? So, because you're still in the so-called 'church,' you've never been disappointed, you've never had a setback, you've gotten every job you've ever applied for, you've amassed a fortune, you're wildly successful in everything you do?"

Also, how does he explain the fact that you've left the church - isn't that a reflection on him? Why did that happen - didn't he raise you right? Wasn't he a good enough example to you? Was there something in his past - an unresolved sin, perhaps - that caused him to lose his son from the 'church'?

If he wants to blame your current problems on your leaving the 'church,' you can blame your disaffection with the 'church' on him, and his lack of faith. Each of these makes as much sense as the other.

Your dad belongs to a cult that has instilled fear of leaving by repeatedly expounding that there is no happiness or security outside of the group. He isn't capable of considering other options.

One day I came to the realization that my parents loved their church more than their children.

I couldn't compete with a church. I couldn't give the false comforts. I couldn't give them the warm fuzzy feelings the church gave them. They didn't want that from me anyway. They were already getting that from church.

What they wanted from me was to worship and adore their church the way they did. They wanted me to abandon my children to the church, and for me to give church my all. If I had 10% of my income to give, they didn't want me to use it to build my life and family. They wanted me to give it to the church the way they did. They didn't care if their children lacked, just as long as the churches demands were met.

They wanted me and my children to talk about nothing but church. Any other topics were off limits unless it led the conversation back to church. They wanted me to raise my children to think about the church to the point that they would go out and try to sell the church thinking to others in the world.

If my parents spent time with me, they would have preferred it be at church. At church the family is lined up on a bench, and no eye contact is made, no talking allowed. You are to sit and look straight ahead, sing church songs, listen to church themed talks, and prayers for 3 hours. After that, go home have a quick dinner, and everyone goes to their rooms to read scriptures or take a nap.

That's the relationship my parents want with their children. They don't want to spend any time in any real conversations. They want their children to be impressed with them, and tell others how wonderful they are. They want to spend all of their retirement years away from children, grandchildren, and g grand children. They wanted to be alone on the road going to church sites and working for free for the church. They wanted adulation from their children for doing this.

Anything less than what they wanted was met with comments about a lack of dedication to them and church. Anything less put me in the spot of the obstinate wicked person that they don't want anything to do with. If my relationship with them isn't about them and the church, there is no relationship. That is their idea of how to be a family.

I'm not going to beg them to be the parents I always needed. I've gone elsewhere to get my emotional needs met. I have some wonderful friends. I have built my own family. We talk about real things and real life. We love sharing time, food, and building good memories.

My parents gave their mind and soul to the church. The church happily took it. In return the church has taken their retirement years, and money. They have been alienated from their family. They have broken minds, broken family, and broken spirits. But they love the church more than anything or anyone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2012 12:26PM by Mia.

Many people never figure out that you shouldn't try to buy milk at Home Depot. You obviously have. Sometimes tou have to choose other people to be your family.

No way would any of my friends pull that one on me. At least they'd better not try it. Their lives are all in a mess.

Edit: That's so sad, Mia.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/14/2012 12:10PM by Greyfort.

Oh man. Same exact thing happened to me last weekend. My parents know of my "apostasy" came out to visit my kids and sure as sh*t started in with how my 8 year old girl needed to get baptized ASAP because she "pushes boundaries" and needs it. So then it devolved as you can imagine. Since that visit all the siblings have been sending conf talks and all that belabored with xxxtreme judgment.

Since the fail to see the inherent hoax at the core of the church and they are so vested in the church they truly believe that the church belongs to them - that they are co owners or board members. So they take it extremely personally when you don't fall in line.

We aren't divorcing ourselves from our parents, we are divorcing ourselves from the fraudulent church. But I don't think TBM parents will ever understand.

These people's lives are spent trying to prop up their beliefs. Rather than trying to understand or love YOU, everything is about reinforcing themselves and their beliefs.

My brother and sister have already told my mom that they no longer go to church, but I haven't yet. So I get to see this played out as an observer and I've come to the conclusion that my brother and sister's apostacy embarresses my mother in a way. She absolutely blames herself for not marrying a mormon man (my Catholic dad is a wonderful man btw and their marriage is really strong!) or for not doing enough to keep them in the church. I think that is why she can't let it go. It is so personal to her. It seems like by not going to church they are actively doing something to hurt her.

Church
parents
God

These are 3 complete and separate entities. The church entwines them and makes it almost impossible to extricate one from the other. It's literally a miracle if a BIC adult can separate the three.

The church is more important than family and you should never question anything church authorities say or do. Sounds like a cult to me.

When people have invested their whole lives into something, it can be very hard to admit that they might have made a mistake. Some people will have such a hard time admitting they were wrong that they point their finger at everyone else, especially if their life is going through troubles. It's really terrible that they are programmed to treat even their children like that. I'm so sorry he treated you that way dragwit.

If that was the response from your dad, I would getting advice from someone else. Obivously, he's not trying to really help, or if that's all he's got, he's not worth listening to. Sorry.

We all came from the same place(for the most part). We were all very much believing or were in deep enough to know how deep the beliefs can be in the Church. Why are any of us shocked when Mormons act like Mormons.

I think it is important, if we want to maintain our family relationships, to have the same patience and understanding for our friends and family, that we hope they have for us.

No one said it would be easy, in fact we all knew that leaving would be a tough path. We should not automatically shun them because of their lack of understanding. If anything we should be the ones who are more patient, more understanding, more accepting.

It is extremely selfish of us to expect anything but shock and a sense of loss from our close Mormon relationships.

I think we have to expect a level of maturity in ourselves when we talk to our loved ones, after all we "know" something they don't. If we are looking for life advice and we know we are not going to get anything but Mormon circle talk from our Mormon loved ones, we have to go somewhere else, but to expect anything else from them is just foolishness on our part.

Best of luck

I totally understand...saying your situation is all due to you leaving HIS organization is just so ridiculous. Like you, I could not take it. I think it is nice to reach out to family first, but those TBM don't want to hear YOU... they put the church first and say what the church wants them to say. I would do as you are doing - cut them off. They have nothing to offer you.

TBMs want excuses so they can blame someone else. Their world is the church, so develping healthy family relations around family becomes tough for them.