So... I had to borrow money from my TBM mum last night because I am having car troubles. She is truly an angel in my life. She always helps me out when I am in trouble and never asks to be paid back. I told her I would pay her back with payments anyway, and needed to work out a few things first and then I would call her back. When I called her back to work out the few details, she said, "Hey! I know how you can pay me back. It wont cost you anything."
"Oh yeah? What is that?"
"Go to church!"
"MOM!"
"*laughs* You know you need it, and so does (fiance)"
"I dont know mom..."
"Not ready, huh?"
"I just dont think that is a good reason."

Then I changed the subject quickly. SHE TRIED TO BRIB ME INTO GOING TO CHURCH. I have caught her doing some sneaky things like this before. Like "Oh! well if you guys are going to do a civil marriage, then you need to go talk to a bishop so he can marry you guys." Or "Hey, if you need a therapist you can always go talk to your bishop." Ah... no thanks mum... I know what you are trying to do.

The thing that bothers me the most about this is she (actually both my parents) have never bothered to ask me why I am not going to church anymore. This leads me to believe they are making assumptions. Maybe I am too lazy, or dont have a good support system, or I feel like I have sinned to much... etc. The communication lines in my family are completely shot due to a very totalitarianism system in my family. I want it to stop. I want to be able to talk to my family without walking on egg shells. Is that to much to ask? That is why I pulled my sister aside a few weeks ago to talk about the church and how I want our family to be more open with each other. I even told her who I lost my virginity to. Me and my siblings are afraid to go against anything my parents taught us because they would look at us as being disrespectful or rebellious and petty. I feel like they think of me as a robot that they programmed, and are now making assumptions as to why it's not working the way they wanted it to.

I have been contemplating how we (me and my sister) want to "come out" to our family about this. Me and my sister are just thinking about sending in our resignation, and telling our family to respect our decision. It may be kind of a shock, but we want out, and if our family wont bother to ask us why we left then that is not necessarily our problem. They are choosing to cover their ears.

I will only propose the reasons to them if they ask "Why" followed by me asking "Are you sure you want to know?"
I dont want to use the word "cult" but I may use "mind control." I will list examples under each category of mind control to show them just how dangerous this church is.

Do you guys think this is a good plan? Do you think it's too harsh? Both my parents are wonderful, sensative people, BUT GODDAMN ARE THEY STUBBORN AS HELL. I dont know what else to do.

My Jehovah's Witness father never in 20 years asked me why I stopped going to meetings. I offered the explanation myself a few weeks ago, and even then it's not important to him. (At least now he's open to discussing things like religion and philosophy.)

It's a common thing with hyper-religious people. They don't want to know why you left because they have been taught nobody leaves for "good" reasons, and don't want to find out they're wrong.

>:@ That is like saying our opinions, thoughts, analyzations etc dont matter! If they dont care about what we think, that tells us that they dont care WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE. I am what I think. If they have no respect for my thoughts, they have no respect for me.

That hurts...

From a purely psychological point of view, it is helpful to get to a place in life where you don't have to go to your parent, hat in hand. It's possible to get there at a young age, but you have to want it and plan for it.

When that point arrives, the family dynamic changes.

As long as you have to keep going to your mom for money, I would tell your parents as little as possible. You might be able to get away with a simple, "I just don't believe it," depending on your parent. I wouldn't go into it any further than that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2012 01:42PM by summer.

Interesting. My 30 something son occasionally asks me for money or use of my credit card.

I always say: Now I want you to think about registering to vote, I respect your feelings on national elections... but think about state again.

I figure it is quid pro quo and I can get my 2cents in. silly..I never did it about the church however.

Hahaha! I wanted to say something like "Nuh-uh! thats 10% of my income!" lol but then I didnt want to hear the whole "blessings of tithings" speach.

I've had a gun pointed at my face (damn near on my face), and I've had my mom try to bribe me. I can assure you that they are two VERY different sensations.

Have you read my post called "Something has been bothering me?" ;)

I just did, and I stand by my statement.

Alright. No problem.

Of course, I still want to add my 2 cents.

Get to a place where you do not need help from your mother. It will change your life. Yes, I realize times are tough. For those who have never been fully self-supporting, it's a HUGE step.

But the cost of borrowing money from your mother is way too high. (Actually, it's a gift because she never asks for it back.)

I have had a gun to my head, and on a separate occasion I have been shot at. It was quite different to me.

T-Bone