Have any of you who grew up in or have kids now in the morridor noticed any issues that come up at school because of the church? Is it difficult for no-mo kids to fit in when they're so clearly outside of the social norm? Are kids still taught that they shouldn't be friends with no-mos because then they'll be tempted to do bad things? What's your experience?

There is a kind of " luck of the draw". Meaning that in one school fitting in may be hard and in the school down the rode just by chance will be more accepting kids that your child will click with.

Remember only about half of the students will actually be super active hard core even in the morridor.

Younger kids spout off their parents' opinions as their own. When they get to middle school and High school, they like forming their own opinions, and they are more open-minded. At least SOME of them mellow out.

It's going to be a mixed bag.

But my oldest had more problems with religion in school and it's gradually gotten better. Also, we had to speak up to the principal a few times to get the message across that we wanted a religiously neutral environment for our kids.

It has the potential to cut both ways. Here in Utah Valley in some ways the non-members are considered to be the cool ones.

I personally had issues, being the sole ex-mo growing up in a neighborhood with only active mormon kids (a south cottonwood stake). Worse off, we moved into that ward from the neighboring ward, where we had been active. My family used the move, among other reasons, to stop attending. So, everyone knew I had been active. Saying I did't believe didn't seem an option (and kids that age don't think at that level - it's all group-think), and my excuses wore thin. After significant daily taunting on the bus and at school it came down to me defending myself with my fists (and losing) after getting pushed around. After that they abruptly stopped bugging me. I would occasionally join them for basketball and scouting trips, but none of them became good friends. I was always a relative outsider to them, and they still occasionally would ask when I was coming to church. Those years were not my best, but I found other ex-mo friends at school who are still friends today (20 years later).

I'm not sure if such mormon-dominant neighborhoods exist anymore, even in Utah. I moved to California the first chance I got and I'm not sure how much the old ward has changed.

In any case, I would strongly caution someone with young kids from moving into a heavily mormon area. Even if your mormon neighbors are nice and accommodating the church is such a big part of their life that your children will simply be outsiders, excluded from many activities the local kids engage in. From my experience finding middle ground is nigh impossible - you're either in or you're not. If you have no choice but to move into such an area I would encourage you to keep your kids busy with outside activities where they'll meet other (non-mormon) kids - it will mean more driving on your part but hopefully your kids will have a healthier, happier childhood.

I'm still scarred by those formative years. I continue to harbor deep hatred for the church even though I love many of the people associated with it. It's truly unfortunate - there are certainly good aspects to the church. I've personally never replicated a similar sense of community. However, the inability to suspend my beliefs and the ostracism inherent to such a strictly defined society both far outweigh the social positives.
I've made many, many friends since then of highly diverse backgrounds and experienced things which would have never been possible if I had stayed mormon and trapped in the insular bubble of suburban Utah. But my kids will not have to suffer through the same road...

It is getting a little better in Southern Utah, but there still are incidents...
A friend of mine has a young son who used to play with the little boy next door. Until, one day he came home and told his mom that his friend's mom told him that he could no longer come over to play at her house. My friend thinking that perhaps her boy had misbehaved, called her neighbor and asked what her son had done. She was told, "Oh he didn't do anything wrong, it's just that we only just found out that you are not members of the church and we prefer that our son form friendships with other children from our ward. We want to raise him to have good morals." The inference, of course, is that if you are not Mormon you probably do not have good morals. Several other parents of children at my church have had similar experiences.

It is quite forthright!

It can be a pain, you just need to keep on top of the bullying. We have had more then enough issues with my oldest and if it is worse this year 2nd grade we will be home schooling. Then again I am ready to quit all things to do with my neighborhood due to racist remarks being thrown around, I am pretty much happy with the fact that the neighborhood kids will not come around us, if the parents have that type of view on things

I think the most critical time for non LDS kids is when the Mormon kids go off to seminary for the first time. It is a real watershed moment when it is clearly underlined who is in and who isn't. It is an important age for all kids but to have this exclusionary process thrust on non church kids can be very difficult for them as they want to fit in so badly. It is compounded by the LDS kids' new found sense of "specialness" that they often hold over the heads of the few non member kids in their midst.

Hopefully we will be out of here before that. I am more shocked by the racism then anything, I have never come across anything like it until we moved here.

I was a teacher in Provo for 5 years. The thing that I heard over and over again from the non mo kids was that no one would date them.

suzanne Wrote:
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> I was a teacher in Provo for 5 years. The thing
> that I heard over and over again from the non mo
> kids was that no one would date them.


This. This this this this this!

I left the church in the heart of Mormon country (Utah County) when I was 17 and getting dates after that was basically impossible. I have a friend who grew up in SLC as a non-Mormon and she said she was routinely excluded and taunted.

It probably depends on where you live and the roll of the dice for the neighbors but I would expect problems.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2012 11:03PM by cecil0812.

It hasn't been an issue for my son and his freinds--half are LDS and active and the other half are not--and they all get along just fine.

For my daughter, it's been an issue among the girls. Anyone else noticed whether it seems to be a gender thing?

matter where you live. Boys tend to fall into hierarchies pretty easily, and most boys tend to form social circles of fairly loyal friends. Girls, meanwhile, seem to engage in more competition in their social circles and to change social circles.

So far it hasn't been a problem at all. My oldest son is going to be in second grade. Surprisingly for Davis County it seems like there are quite a few non mos. I bet it is probably about half active like other posters have said.

I made a similar comment, but I think it got eaten by the moderation "think you're spam" block.

Anyhow, we're near Rexburg, so well outside of Utah, but, well, it's Rexburg. I have no idea how it's going to go, and it worries me a bit for him. I know that the first few years won't be too big of a deal, but once they hit junior high/high school age, if he decides not to believe, I can see him being automatically set into that "less good than" category by his peers and teachers alike.

I raised three kids in the heart of the morridor –Utah County. We had a few incidents during elementary school, but religious issues generally didn’t come up until junior high (which is when the mormon kids start attending seminary). It will be assumed that your kids are Mormon and when the kids find out otherwise it is usually shrugged off as a non-issue – until junior high when the push to convert your friends really starts.

Our teachers were generally pretty good, but really clueless about how to appropriately deal with non-Mormon kids. When I called them on it, they were genuinely upset that they had hurt or embarrassed my child. Don't be afraid to speak up.

Then comes junior high. The Mormon kids are pushed in seminary and church to convert their friends. I wish I had better prepared my children for that, but it is done so slyly that it often passed under my radar. It was most difficult for my oldest daughter who is very social. There were only two other non-Mormons in her social group. Dating during high school was a big problem – one boy asked her out and then later called to break the date, saying “You’re so nice, I just assumed you were Mormon.”

My second daughter fared better. She was a science-loving geeky girl and all her friends were awkward misfits – even the Mormon kids. My son did really well. He is an under-the-radar kid as were most of his friends. He had a mix of Mormon and non-Mormon friends – all good kids. He is now dating an inactive Mormon girl – we’ve talked about the pressure from her family and that she may decide to ‘return to the fold’. If she does, he won't be following as he has decided that Mormons have a very skewed value system.

Honestly, what helped was joining a large local church with an active youth group. It was really important for them to meet other non-mormon kids and know that they weren’t the only ones. Too late for my eldest who eventually succumbed to the pressure and converted. It is also important that we have a large, religiously diverse extended family – Jewish, atheist, conventional Protestant, and Muslim. They grew up watching us treat each with respect despite our different religious POV.

Raising non-Mormon kids in Utah has its challenges, but that can be said of any place you might choose to live.

Kids who fit the mold for a "popular" kid - athletic, good-looking, outgoing, make friends easily, etc., won't have much trouble. The social norms for a mostly Mormon high school in the more-populated parts of Utah aren't really that different from those anywhere else, or at least they weren't when I was in school. Also, the whole "tempted to do bad things" issue becomes pretty laughable for a large portion of kids by the time they reach high school age.

With younger kids, there are always more problems. Younger kids tend to form their social circle for much more arbitrary reasons than older kids do.

Personally, aside from some elementary school kids who were incapable of doing anything other than being exclusive for the sake of being exclusive, I didn't really meet many sheltered, hard-core Mormons who were worried about interactions with non-Mormons until I got to BYU. I'm sure there were some in high school but they really were outshown by the more party-oriented, let's-live-life-for-high-school crowd.

No-mo growing up in Salt Lake in late '70s/early '80s: Had a great time in elementary school, junior high and up until "the age of 16" when Mormons are allowed to date. I had boyfriends throughout my schooling years and then, at 16, I enjoyed the sound of crickets at my door on Friday and Saturday nights. Unfortunately, the majority were Mormon (like, I think there were two dozen of us in a school of 1,500 who were no-mos) and I was attracted to some Mormon boys.

After joining the church in southern California, a Mormon boy (one of my "boyfriends" pre-age 16), flew to hang with me for a week and asked me to marry him. Another, when I was visiting family in Utah, wanted to date me, too. I was so confused. I told both, separately, that I was still the same person I was before I joined but they said, "No, you weren't Mormon." Oh. Yeah. That minor thing. (She says, sarcastically.)

At that point (when I was Mormon), I preferred dating guys that knew me for who I was at that point of my life rather than going out with the boys who shunned me because I was no-mo only to change their mind when I was baptized.

Central Utah, today, gives no-mos the same, beautiful experience I had in Salt Lake when I was growing up. (Again, she says, facetiously.)