I WAS SCARED TO DEATH when I first landed here in cyber-space. I felt guilty - like I was looking at porn.

I felt "evil" everywhere. I just knew that Heavenly Father, the Holy Spook, and all my dead ancestors were reading over my shoulder and condemning me to outer darkness for eternity.

Posters were being so irreverent! . . . breaking temple covenants all over the place . . . loud laughter . . . calling the prophet "The Hinkster" and stuff. "Can they *DO* that?!" I wondered. (Evil-speaking-of-the-Lard's annointed and all). It really freaked me out at first.

I've noticed a LOT of new folks landing here at RfM this summer. I sometimes forget how intimidating we all look to people just beginning to question their religion. The brainwashing runs deep. I want newbies to know that they are not alone in their fear and confusion.

So tell us about your first RfM experience.

;o)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 03:46PM by shannon.

i nervously posted... :) now...hehehe...you know! :) aint shy now! :) Hi Shannon! :)

I was still working everything out and was envious that everyone else was so confident that TSCC wasn't true. Rationally I knew it wasn't, but was still working on all the brainwashing that Satan was leading me astray.

At first, some of the bluntness/rudeness really shocked me, but then I realized this was probably a microcosm of what dissenting members were really like IRL when the Sunday masks were taken off. People were posting thoughts and feelings that I had never dared to voice and had never actually read from members before. After lurking for a day or so, I recognized someone I had known from childhood and that made a big difference.

This place can be very raw, because so many of us (like me) are hurting and angry. But there's nowhere else that can understand what a Mormon in transition is going through like this place can. Nowhere else could I have gotten the wonderful support I received last night when I posted about my decision to resign this week. Thanks to all of you for that.

Holy crap, thank the universe! I am not alone and I have not lost my mind!

Thats what i thought.

+1

I was having all these struggles with TSCC by myself & know one to talk to. I was so relieved to find so many people to relate to.

As a newbie/lurker, I was/am a little thrown off by all the anger. Having read more of the posts I understand a little better, but don't feel it myself.

I had already decided the church was a fraud. So, when I discovered this page, it was, "wow, cool." In addition to all the great exmo testimonials, all that stuff the church didn't want you to know was readily available here, or linked elsewhere.

I read all the stories, (there were about 70 at the time of my discovery), and I could read ALL the new posts on the bulletin board in 30 or so minutes each day.

I actually stumbled on this website by accident. At the time I first found it a few years ago, I was a fan of the TV show Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (TSCC). I searched on google for TSCC and instead of finding a bunch of website for that show, I found this website where people were talking about a different TSCC (The so called church).

I had been a non-believer for a couple years already but it was great to find a group of people who had also seen through the lies. I thought the irreverence was funny, and there was so much info being talked about that I had never heard before. I mostly just come here and lurk with an occassional post when I need to vent. Right now my Facebook wall looks like a Romney campain ad with so many people I know posting stuff supporting him, so having somewhere to see others complain about him and other Mormon related frustrations is nice.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 01:02PM by scuba.

That almost sounds like something you would hear in fast and tell a story meeting. My testimony of the RfM has been strengthened. thanks for sharing. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 01:02PM by absolutelyunsure.

I was scared too! Kept looking over my shoulder even though I lived alone! I kept trying to reassure myself "it's EXmormon so that's not as bad as ANTImormon".

I looked at the BB, and my first impression was that the posters must be weak, I couldn't understand how someone could lose their testimony over something as trivial as horses in the BoM.

However then I started reading the exit stories. It suprised me how much I identified with each one. All of the doubts I'd suppressed over the years came bubbling to the surface. And yada yada yada one year later I resigned.

Thanks, everyone! :D

On Saturday during our panel discussion of "who gets to say what ex-Mormons are like," radio mopologist Van Hale referred to RfM as "vicious."

I responded that most people here have only recently figured out the church and are understandably upset and angry. Most people I know vent the anger and hurt and move on. I'd rather people vent here than at home with their families. And beneath the anger is a lot of love and support, but of course people like Mr. Hale can't see that.

I was terrified when I first came here, but I didn't know where else to go. I am so grateful for the kindness and support I've received here.

Uncomfortable -- not sure I really should be posting here, and likely will drop off doing so. This isn't a board for people like me really.

And horrified/angered: I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but while reading some of these comments at the treatment so many people have received you can't help but have a gut punch response. It's been educational, but sometimes the education has been a shock.

RFM is a paradox in that it is both the most bitter and aggressive while also being the most understanding and compassionate place I've ever been.

The seeming paradox is because this place is raw, as a previous poster said. The aggression and the compassion are both being expressed without filters.

There are significant filters in place here. Both the community and admin filter things significantly. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. Those filters are in place to attempt to give a forum that is conducive to recovery and support while also being legally protected.

I was falling apart. I pretty much already knew the church was a lie, and I needed people who could understand and help me. I was in tears with my first post because I was so scared and didnt know what was going to happen between me and my family. I crawled here, desperate for someone who could understand. Thanks so much everyone! My confidence has shot through the roof ever since I have been posting. *Hugs to all*

like any Good Detective, I liked (& continue to) the part of it where sayings/quotes came with references.

A 'quote' on the internet without the source is practically Worthless.

My first impression was surprise that so many people had managed to leave TSCC ... and that they survived.

My second impression was that there seemed to be a rather revealing obsession with underwear.

I didn't stumble across RfM until I had been out for about six months or so. A friend's blog had a link to some stranger's blog, and that stranger had some post about being an exmo, and it kind of snowballed from there until I found RfM.

I started out just reading the archives for several months before I moved on to the active forum. Mostly, I was just thrilled to find other people like me! I LOVED the irreverence. I LOVED that people were calling TSCC out on its bullshit. I've been coming for 3 or 4 years now, in waves.

Trying to remember when I first started lurking - it had to be somewhere in the mid to late '90s when DH and I bought our first house and got our first "real" internet connection.

I'd been out for at least 5-6 years and remember being delighted to know RfM existed. Haven't been here at all in the intervening years. I was busy making messes, growing up (a little), working, etc.

Lately my parents' rapidly de-evolving codependence has re-ignited my rage and hate for TSCC so I recently wandered back around.

I was delighted before. Now I'm ecstatic to see that so many have left and are leaving, and finding a place of comfort, safety and mutual support.

I was somewhat NOM-ish on my way out, had a lot of tolerance for the church, and gave the church the benefit of a doubt. Because of that, I found this board to have too much of an angry tone. Then, the more disaffected I became, the more I learned, the more negative emotions that I experienced. And I decided it would be much healthier to express those emotions. Here I am.

I used to be on the newsgroups (alt.mormon?? it's been a long time since then)
I spent many hours reading before I felt confident to add anything........IIRC it was because something was said about British morms, and I felt 'qualified' to give an opinion.
one day this site was mentioned and, well, here I am

I was very intimidated. The place was angry and combative. The infighting back then was worse than it is now. It was hard to get used to, but I needed it because I needed to work through my recovery.

Things have changed a lot. A lot of the posters who used to be here have changed. Some have mellowed and some have become more on edge.

Probably the biggest issue I still see is that those who have the luxury of not still being entangled with TBMs - spouses & otherwise tend to sometimes be a bit judgmental of those still dealing with those complexities - just yesterday there were accusations of child abuse being thrown around for this sort of thing.

There also seems to be a tendency to jump on the bandwagon of any hyperbolic or urban legend issue with Mormonism. Anyone who wants a balanced fact based approach gets attacked with vehemence.

However, it's still a great place!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 02:33PM by bc.

My first impression?

"Cooooooooool..."

The first month or so I stayed up til 4 am every night reading the bios. Then I moved on to this board and was really hooked. At first I felt guilty to even be questioning but then I realized I hadn't really believed for over 20 years and I jumped in. It's great to realize there are many many people who no longer fall for moism's lies.

I'm not as active as I used to be. Sometimes I don't check in for over a week but when I do there is always something interesting going on here.

I lurked here for several years before I began posting recently.

I’ve found the information very interesting and informative.

I especially have enjoyed reading about everyone’s experiences and their journeys in and out of the Church.

I’ve participated in a lot of online forums over the years and RfM is quite tame by comparison to some of the places I’ve hung out at.

Over all a great bunch of people to interact with!

I was so happy to find that there were exmormons who were willing to say it like it is.

I'd never been able to find a group like that. I knew it was what I needed to be able to leave the church both physically and mentally. It's very difficult to leave if you're alone. The indoctrination is so ingrained. Validation and support are very important when reprogramming your thinking. Especially if you come from generations of mormons.

I was especially happy to see that people who had been in the higher leadership positions had the courage to tell their stories. It shows that people from all levels are starting to realize what a scam it is. It's not just a bunch of rebellious teenagers that are leaving. Everyday I see more and more of the best and brightest showing up and saying "I found out it's not true."

"Angry Atheists." Sorry, but that was my very first impression. I was just barely inactive, and there was so much that I did not know yet! I was Christian, and I was not angry--but that was before....

After my children told me about he abuse they had suffered at the hands of adult Mormon leaders, I became one of the angriest posters. I became even angrier, when I discovered that so many TBM children and adults have been mistreated, marginalized, used, conned, and spanked, hit, and kicked--when they were good church members. After leaving, many RFM posters have been dis-owned by their TBM family members, divorced, shunned, slandered, dismissed from their jobs, expelled from BYU, and treated like dirt. Yes, that is abuse. Withholding the Truth, lying, brainwashing, using fake power to make demands, and conning people out of their money--all this is abusive.

I found out (to my despair) that my children were not alone.

I first posted on RFM to get an answer to a question that had been plaguing me for 15 years--"How can I get a temple divorce from my wife-beater ex-husband?" I had been given the run-around for all those years, by bishops and SP's saying that they would help me get a temple divorce--only to deny me, months later. Were they stalling? Why? Why did the rules keep changing? Why did my hair dresser get a temple divorce from a decent guy within 6 weeks? (Answer to that is that her father was personal friends with GBH.) Not only did I finally get answers, but I got such an out-pouring of empathy and compassion, that I cried! I had never felt that kind of love in the Mormon cult.

I am hooked on RFM! The opposing points of view have been crucial in opening up my brainwashed mind. Learning the Truth--words cannot express my gratitude to RFM.

Sorry for all the rants, but that has helped, too. My children and I are doing very well, and have learned, with the help of RFM, to adapt to living in Utah, among the Mormons.

I will forever be grateful to RFM and all of you.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 03:03PM by forestpal.

Relief and I posted the first time I came across this site. I love RFM!

I used to delete my browser history so my wife wouldn't know I was looking at an "evil anti-Mormon" website. Now, I'll close the browser window out of respect for her wishes not to come across this website, but she knows I come here a lot.

mine was a mix, interest at historical facts i had never known, interest inn people's leaving stories, mixed of course with shock and fluctuating between feeling free and feeling sick in the bottom of my stomach. (still happening)

I was also a little shocked at the amount of bitterness and rudeness and people turning on each other, I'm not really one to knock people's beliefs too much, however I also understand everyone is different and has had different experiences, and I also felt so sad for those experiencing family issues due to a religion - that's just tragic and I can't believe what some people have been through :(

Over all it was nice to find people who have walked the walk already that i am starting to go down myself.

as a recent convert, it was great to find a place that I could talk about things that were starting to upset me and got some good advice on how to handle pushy members.

When I read a lot of stuff I feel like a complete idiot for ever joining but made me feel better that I realized quicker than others that TSCC wasnt for me after all.

Whenever members are breathing down my neck about why I am not coming to church, its nice to come here and know I am not alone.

These posts are hilarious!!

It was instant vindication when I found RFM in 1998. What a relief to know that I was not alone. I perused the site for all of 15 minutes before making my first post. Something to the effect of "Where the hell have you people been?"

The hardest thing for me to accept was the notion that I had been in a cult.

Got over that rather quickly as well.

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2012 05:30PM by Timothy.

As a nevermo, I'm sorry to say, I found the board very angry. Now, what I see is vast population of knowledge and opinion and people freely expressing their thoughts, opinions, and feelings even if they are venting, or disagree, and there are several people in response offering support, opinions and/or advice.

Everyone has been in that place. Nice to have someone around who can relate.

When I send people to RfM, I warn them that the board may come off as angry at first.

If you want soft and fluffy and profile pictures that bounce around and graphics, there are other places to go.

How many religions out there have Ex boards like the Mormons do? I haven't found any with the same volume. The exmo world has more than one active board. What does that say about Mormonism?

I felt sick, and then I was welcomed.

Thank you all. <3