My sister and I recently came out to our parents that we were no long believers. It has been 2 plus years since we discovered the truth. So it was a long time coming. My dh basically came to the same conclusion a long time before I me. Now that my family is in the know I feel like its time to let his family know fully. I know they think we've "gone off the deep end." I just don't want them to think this is some sort of lazy jack Mormon thing that there is somehow hope that we'll come around. My dh thinks it doesn't matter because they already know we no longer attend. It just bugs me... A part of me just wants to because his sisters are total bitches! I am sick of listening to theirjudgemental, self righteous, better than everyone else bull shit.  I'm hoping it will stop if they know my thoughts on the church. They are blind faith believers so anytime someone questions their beliefs they just get flustered and don't want to talk about it anymore. I would like it if I didn't have to hear about anything mormoney anymore from them.  Im just glad my eternity doesn't have to be spent with my sisters-in-law! Yikes!

My guess is any action you take will just stir it up and make their actions worse. I tend to agree with your husband that they already know you aren't involved and that is sufficient.

I would definitely tell them. I totally understand not wanting them thinking you are just being lazy or just wanted to sin. You don't want to be associated with an unethical, greedy, manipulative organization. Don't know if you have kids, but if you do, its best to take a stand now. I waited to take a stand and that makes it more difficult.

Do you think that telling their in-laws that they no longer believe will prevent the in laws from thinking is because they are lazy or want to sin?

From what most people report here it seems the most common responses to telling a TBM they don't believe is that the TBM tells them it is because they are lazy or want to sin.

Do you disagree that is the most common response?

I'm not trying to be aggressive here - I am legitimately interested in your perspective.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/03/2012 09:44AM by bc.

People who are lazy or just want to sin don't go to the trouble of resigning, or so it seems to me. As i said in my post above, if they have kids, it would be a good idea to take a stand now. OP can take or leave my advice and do what works for them.

Thanks.

Also, when i told family, i just said that i had resigned and left it at that. People who wanted more details came and asked. Those who didn't want to know why, weren't forced to.

That is a good point.

I had resigned before my TBM family was aware I no longer believed. It seems to me that the fact that I had already resigned made it more final so they made less of an effort to try to reconvert me.

I have 3 kids and in a few years my oldest will hit baptism age... They are going to expect us to do it. There is no way in hell I will allow my children to get dunked!

It sounds to me like your SiLs bug the piss outta you and you'd like to tell them off but good just once, more than that you feel obligated to tell them neither of you believe anymore.

You know they won't stop acting all spayshul and suPERior either way, trust me on that one!

Maybe you forge an agreement with DH where you let all OhMyHeck break loose on his sisters JUST ONCE, and then you'll have it out of your system. The SiLs might be permanently and irreparably "offended," though...

Yeah,

If the reason you want to tell them is to pick a fight and stand your ground - go for it. Sometimes a good fight and standing your ground with someone that is hurting you is a good thing. Just don't expect the result to be that the respect you more afterwards.

Sounds like they might need a good talking to but I'd let your husband deal with telling them the extent of yours and his morg departure when he's good and ready.

However if you clear it with him first, then go ahead tell them whatever the two of you decide.

Strongly express their actions and pressuring by the church have caused serious problems.

Tell them you marriage has a lot of problems caused by their pushing this destructive cult as a good way of life and marriage. Demand to know answers from them on the stickier issues within the church.

Inform them that your marriage and family needs serious counseling and you will be sending the bill from that to them and you fully expect them to pay for it. Inform them that you will also be retining an attorney for possible legal action over this.

I would imagine they will protest, but do not allow it. If they have a negative reaction, demand they leave your home, and inform them that law enforcement will be called if they choose not to leave immediately.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/03/2012 03:16PM by deco.

I have many reasons for wanting to tell them. But at the top of my list is to be able to be open about my beliefs. I would like to voice my opinions and not bite my tounge whenever they start spouting their churchy nonsense. If they can express their belief then I should be able
to as well. I also want to call them out on how stupid and hypocritical they are... Mostly 'cause theys bitches!I'm kinda thinking if they know I am going to share my thoughts maybe they will rethink and stop themselves since they know they can't come up with a logical argument. Idk but I know what we've got going now isn't working for me. I need advice on how to persuade my dh into doing it.

I think a good approach is to write an email ahead of time and to briefly explain that you don't believe but that you want the subject "off the table". It's best to avoid getting into a debate about why - and if they try to just shrug it off and change the subject.

The reason this is a good idea is that with a 7 year old you never know what he will say. If she somehow finds out why she is at your house it is going to be a huge world war 3 fiasco. However if it can be handled through email it gives everyone a little room to work through it.

Of course where you are just itching for a fight, I can see why your husband would have some reservations :)

I leave decisions that have to do with my man's family up to him and things that involve my family are ultimately up to me. I just think he has a better idea of how to handle his family than I do and vice versa.

I'm in the same situation actually. My family knows, his doesn't. He wants to wait for his grandpa to die so... I leave it up to him.

Do your parents and your in laws talk?

You must zip it!

Why do we care about what deluded people think? Let them float about in their fantasy world. Just ignore them.

(I know, easier said then done)