Very simplified but here goes: My son will be 16 next month.
He has never been a kid to get himself up for school. It has always been me waking him, sometimes repeatedly, to get up. Setting alarm clocks has never worked. He will turn them off and go back to sleep.

This summer his father and I decided to let the natural consequences thing play out. The summer started with morning conditioning training for kids planning on trying out for the soccer team in the fall. The coach was very clear about the time requirements for the 1 mile, 2 mile, and 2 different speed tests. There were standards set and the boys were told that in order to be eligible for varsity, you had to be able to pass these certain times.

We left it up to our son to be responsible to get up every morning on his own for conditioning. He only made it to about 1/3 of the practices. Maybe a little less.

Tryouts roll around and of course he didn't make all his times because he was not properly conditioned. (Hubby and I did give in and wake him 2 of the 5 morning For tryouts and the last morning we didn't wake him and he missed.)

My question is...when school opens back up, would you let him suffer the consequences of tardies? Would you give in and make sure he is up for school? When do you finally let them take responsibility for their actions? We are just frustrated. Hubby was @ boarding school from age 13 on and I got myself up and rady for school onmy own since 3rd grade.

As the parent of 12 who all went through their teens, my advice is to have him tested. One daughter particularly suffered from hypoglycemia and could not get up many mornings. Again, get him tested. It may not be laziness.

Yeah... unless he's had a physical for sports, maybe there's something medical going on. If not, I would let him suffer natural consequences. He has to learn one way or another.

He may also just need more sleep. I know that teens hate this, but experiment with him going to bed at least an hour earlier than he normally does. It could also be that he just has problems waking up in the morning, & only responds to someone else waking him up. You said that he just turns off his alarm clock? Does he ignore his phone when it rings? Maybe if you or someone calls his phone it will wake him up?

I'll have to take away his electronic devices at night.

Here is the dilemma for me...I'm trying to get him to independently make these good decisions. I can micro-manage his life but he isn't learning to be responsible this way. See what I mean? I can send him to bed (can't make him actually sleep though), I can call him, shake him, wake him etc... But in a few years he will be on his own and have to either get up for a job or college or whatever.

Just talk to him about the situation like you are concerned, & not like he needs to grow up right now.

Also have his doctor talk to him about it too.

I would remove all electronics from his room at night (TV, computer, phone, etc.) Have him develop a consistent nightly routine -- perhaps a warm shower and some reading time before bed. Also make sure that he is getting the proper amount of sleep at night. A recent BYU study suggested that 7 hours is the optimal amount for 16-year olds in terms of school performance (other studies suggest 9 or more hours.)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sleep-newzzz/201203/how-much-sleep-teens

Some kids (and adults for that matter) have a particularly difficult time waking up in the morning. Consult your physician and keep trying different tactics to get your son moving toward independence. I would not be punitive about this; just keep trying until you find something that works. Sleeping with the shades up or the curtains open might help. Some people use alarm clocks with flashing lights. I believe that very insistently noisy alarm clocks are made as well. Your son is not the first person with this problem. If you consult online forums for people with this problem you can probably find additional ideas.

*Don't* let him be tardy to school under any circumstances (I am saying this as a teacher.) There would be legal consequences for you and it is depriving him of his education. Keep waking him up until you are able to come up with a solution.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2012 11:42AM by summer.

My son was similar to yours at that age. I think the only flaw in your reasoning about natural consequences is to believe there will be any at school.

In my experience (Utah schools), there are no teeth in any of their "consequences." I don't blame the schools, though, as they are constantly being threatened by really sh!tty, self-indulgent, parents who are quite duplistic: "I want strict standardards--but don't apply them to my little sweetie." The constant battles and threats of law suits, etc. has created a very timid system. Our schools reflect what the clentele demands. And if you're thinking, "that's not what I want," then speak up to your local schools because they are being wagged by a very vocal group of parents who are, in my opinion, having a very deleterious, chilling effect on standards.

In my son's senior year, I was still riding his case about getting to school. He told me that rumor was the principal had ordered his teachers not to fail any seniors. In any system with integrity, my son would have never made it through based on his performance. Out of the various reasons for the principal's dictum, at least one interpretation can be that this principal wanted good graduation rates for gullible politicians. Statistics seem to trump everthing in our society anymore. And we all know what they say about statistics.

Anyway, in my opinion, you'll have to look elsewhere for any real consequences. Certainly, your school will probably have some kind of tardy make-up sessions after school or something, but they are far from ever effecting any kind of behavior modification. That's my 2 cents for whatever it's worth. I certainly could be way off base.

If they have more than for absences, they get NO CREDIT for the course, even if the parent has excused them. A doctor's note is required, or the student must pay a fee and make up the absence. MANY students my kids know have dropped out in part because of this policy, and being unable to make up enough absences.

4 tardies=1 absence. And I totally support THAT policy, because kids need to get their rears in gear.

I also have a 16-yr old with a big problem sleeping and waking up. I found out that she had been a victim of abuse, was suffering from nightmares and depression, and was bulimic. She was sleeping all the time. When she stopped throwing up she alo stopped sleeping quite so much, but we still have a big problem getting her to go to bed and wake up at a decent time.

It could be any number of things with your son. It could even be perfectly normal. But do check with the doctor, and do whatever you have to do to get him to school, because the longterm consequences of missing or being late are too big.

Maybe take the car away or some other consequence if he's late?

Please post if you have ideas on getting HIM to wake up by himself, because I'm sick of having to be the alarm clock.

I've run into the same problem. Repeatedly having to get her up and getting her ready and out the door. She'll pretend she's getting ready and crawl back into bed. Since school started, she has been missing the the bus and she's been tardy a few times as I drive her to school.

School and the bus are so early this year, it's been an adjustment. Last year she didn't have to be out the door until 8:30, so it was easier. But I'm really finding myself in your place where I'm ready to just let the consequences happen.

I figured because school does start so early this year, I'd see how the next week goes, then let the chips fall where they may. I don't know how much prompting occurs when she's at her father's to get her out the door on time. That might be fine for him, but I'm growing weary of this one. I'm also having a hard time getting her to get sheets on her bed and make her bed. It's a loft bed and hard for me to get up there, but she's old enough to do it herself. That was part of the deal putting it in in the first place, so the bed is about to come down. She's not pleased.

Mine is 14. By the time I was 12, I was doing my own laundry, fixing my own breakfast, packing my own lunch, and getting out the door and catch the bus on time and my mom played very little role in any of this. Plus I had my chores which were done without prompting, later on a job, and also had homework that was completed and turned in on time. I didn't get an allowance either.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2012 12:08PM by omreven.

Our teens had to be at seminary at 6:00 am. And we don't live on a farm and it was 15 minutes away.