about a year ago I came on here after questioning my belief in the LDS church. I spent the last year or so reading this site and others and staying away from all things related to the LDS church. I even got my wife and kids to stop attending. The result? I prefer life in the church over what this last year has been. Do I believe everything 100%, no. But some faith is better than what I have found outside of it, so I will take a modified approach to my membership. No tithing, no calling, attend when I want to, and enjoy the social and spiritual side that at times exists within the church. Do I think it is the one true church, no. But I do believe that they have some good intentions, yes, and for those who are simple minded they may feel controlled or even scared to go against the grain, but for me and my family we will continue to love God and love our fellow man. Those are the commandments we will live by.

the reason I want to thank the board is that I would have left and stayed bitter if I hadn't had the chance to vent on here at times, and see just how unhappy so many of you still are after all the years of separation from the LDS church. Just showed me what I did not want for myself in the future. Good luck to each of you on your journey, and may you find some happiness in your life.

You may be interested in some of the NOM forums in the future if you are finding you still need support - good luck.

Kind of like getting a pretty cake with a big 'F You' written in calligraphy.


Ok, bye KC. Peace out.

Do you have a social network outside of the Mormon community? I've noticed that those who struggle to leave the church are dependent socially on the church. When they leave they find themselves alone and they are drawn to go back.

It was relatively easy for me to leave as my parents and siblings quit the same time I did and I had a lot of good friends who weren't Mormon. I was going to a non-Mormon school and was kept busy with school and other activities. The transition was painless. However a lot of other people, especially those living in Utah, have their entire social network tied in the church.

Maybe that is you? Are most of your family and friends in the church still in the church?

Fair enough whatever works, I agree the NOM forums would be a good place for you.

As a newbee i must admit i am surprised how unhappy and bitter many people seem YEARS later. Samantha I don't think he meant it in a mean way it's an observation most people make here. I guess everyone evolves at different rates and in different directions.

Good luck on your new life directions KC.

"You people are bitter and angry. You people can leave the church but you just can't leave it alone. The church is a superior way of life and if you can't accept it you're just a bunch of punk losers."

Got it. :::shrugs::: Whatever.

OK, KC: thanks for playing. Have fun crawling back into your cave, staring at the shadows dancing on the wall, and being mind-fucked.

LOL. Nailed it.

We're just bitter because we left the church to sin, but we know it's still true. That's why we can't leave it alone. Like Oliver Cowdery. Without the pleasure of seeing the profit nailing the underage help.

I never thought Joe Smith was all that good looking a porn star, anyhoo...

Right on, xyz! What a sluggy thing for KC to say to us.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2012 11:08PM by Sorcha.

sensed a bit of an HTT attitude in there too

I agree, it came across as a pretty sarcastic thank you. You have to realize that many people here seem bitter, even years after leaving, because this board is about one thing, and it happens to be the one thing most of us are angry about.

If this was a board about dogs, horses, or butterflies, or food, or wine...well, you'd see us all posting from a whole different perspective.

But because the LDS church is a negative, the majority of posts will be negative, too.

I resent being told that after seeing "just how unhappy so many of you still are after all the years of separation from the LDS church. Just showed me what I did not want for myself in the future."

Who says we are unhappy? I'm a very happy person. You're judging us on your experiences from reading our posts on one very narrow topic. Good riddance.

I've noticed that most of the bitterness and unhappiness expressed is related to how people on this board are treated by TBMs after leaving the church.

So, you are going to follow a path you do not believe in. What on earth does that make you? One more insincere mormon?

I see no real unhappiness on this board except that which has come from church membership and is now being turned around with facts and truth.

I read a lot of unhappiness between the lines of your post.

Thanks for sharing your observation KC.

RFM makes a poor substitute for a living, healthy face to face social network where you place most of your attention. Trying to do so will most likely keep you too focused on negative emotion for good mental health.

I will readily admit I have fallen in to that trap in the past year and I take full responsibility for this.

This is such a good point maybe we should consider placing a disclaimer sticky note in the forum. For example:

If your goal is emotional independence from Mormonism it is strongly advised to give a lot of attention to building a new non-Mormon related social network for the most speedy recovery from a dependence on LDS culture.

What does everybody think about this idea? I think it could keep people like me on track better towards growth.

Some of us are quite happy out of the Morg. Why am I here? Because I'm an a$$ who likes ragging on them 24/7. Literally. No other reason. Let me know how that whole "we're not gonna pay tithing, or believe this stuff..." thing works out for you.

I predict not so well, but hey, it's your life. On behalf of my bitter and miserable brothers and sisters, enjoy general conference while we're sipping our drinks with the tacky Polynesian umbrellas in them.

SCRUB, SCRUB, SCRUB THEM TOILETS! The Monsoon needs a new A8 Security Edition next year!

the light-mindedness and loud laughter that floats over from the Great and Spacious Mall and in through the windows as you're cleaning the chapel, again.

We'll all be there having a party while you guys slave away to keep Mormons Inc. in the pink.

C'mon flyboy you are least partly come here because some of us entertain you a little...

It's actually surprising how many people seem to be able to make the whole NOM thing work for them. The church only takes as much control as you give it. If you can take the boredom, the mental gymnastics, and being looked down on as a second class Mormon in faithfulness it works quite well for a lot of people.

I tried poking around on staylds.com for a bit. I found that the NOMs frustrate me even more than the TBMs in their thinking. At least the TBMs are completely sucked in - in the NOM case there sort of believing it gets really really weird.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2012 11:16PM by bc.

Why do you keep making me laugh? Some of us are trying to be bitter and unhappy here. Have some respect.

KC Royals fan? Chiefs fan? I disagree with you. I found that the folks on RFM are the happiest I've come accross. When I was in the church, those were some of the most unhappiest stressed out people I have ever met. You wanna talk unhappy? Let's talk facts and stats. Pharmaceutical industry stats show that the morridor least in anti-depressives. Facts show that the morridor leads in multiple mental illnesses. TSCC is screwed up. I feel sorry for and your little ones, wanting to stay in a cult. Yikes.

1: You can find social interation and 'spirituality' outside an organization that is racist, homophobic, money-grabbing, etc. You just have to step out of your comfort zone.

2: Many, many people have better, mentally-healthier lives after leaving TSCC. What you see 'loudest' on RfM are usually people who are in the middle of the healing process and looking for support and comfort.

3: Honestly though, I feel sorry for you. After learning all that you say you have learned, you seem to be afraid of change. You have learned the truth, but would still rather silently sit with your family through a corporation built on lies than lose the enjoyment of "social and and spiritual side that at times exsists within the church".

4: God doesn't exsist.

5: Have a nice life in the cult, living a lie, biting your tounge, and being cast as an outsider because you don't pay tithing or accept callings. I hope you can find peace in that, because I sure couldnt.

Anybody who could still say "But I do believe that they have some good intentions, yes" with a straight face, after Mormons Inc.'s three great socio-political debacles of the last 40 years (Blacks & Priesthood, anti-ERA, and Prop. 8/anti-gay), has to be drinking a full 50-gallon drum of Mormon Kool-Aid every day.

I believe that most Mormons in the local wards absolutely have mostly good intentions - which are the people KC would be dealing with.

Besides he'll be a mini-celebrity when they go back for 2-3 weeks. Won't that be fun.

I agree some people have good intentions. But they are dumb as rocks. And probably homophobic and/or sexist. I couldn't imagine being friends/social with those types. Imagine the conversations of 'My heck, this world is changing/Lucifer's getting stronger/The second coming is coming" etc whenever you discuss something like the news. *shudders*

It was interesting to me how utterly painful gospel doctrine was after I let people know I didn't believe.

The inanity was overwhelming. The lessons were boring. The mind numbing comments were worse:

Self-congratulation for attending church

God guides our lives - especially all the shitty stuff that happens to us

Read your scriptures say your prayers.

Go to the temple, have family home evening, pay your tithing, do your home/visiting teaching.

Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.

Man, I feel sorry for you, KC. Living a lie is no way to find happiness.

Just my tuppence.

"the reason I want to thank the board is that I would have left and stayed bitter if I hadn't had the chance to vent on here at times, and see just how unhappy so many of you still are after all the years of separation from the LDS church. Just showed me what I did not want for myself in the future."

And you even wished us some happiness in life. How sweet.

Or maybe passive agressive.

Let me rephrase for you "Thanks for showing me who I don't want to be".



You recognized that YOU are no longer bitter after venting, yet you assume that when OTHER people vent that they STAY upset or unhappy? How would you determine the happiness of strangers by their posts on a bulletin board?

My personal opinion is that you are still drinking the LDS Koolaid if you believe that the best way to be happy is to participate in the LDS church. It CAN be a huge loss to give up your tribe when leaving Mormonism. I understand why you wouldn't want to do that. That's fine.

Just do what makes you happy, but don't expect to generate good will when you tell me you made that choice because you don't want to be like me. Your choices belong to you.

BTW, I didn't recognize you as a regular participant on the board, so I did a search on your name. This is the only post in the history. Just sayin. HOW well can you judge the people on this board if you haven't even been on it? This sounds like a familiar TBM tune.

+1

FYI

There are a number of posts by KC in the history over the last year. You may need to broaden your search to go back further than 30 days.

I mentioned it to my husband and he recognized kc.

Sorry about that, dude.

hmm, does AA meet so they can be bitter with each other about alcoholism. Life was easier as an alcoholic, and miserable in recovery mode.

there's a purpose to this site, it's a form of fellowship. Yes, we vent, and we like to. Some people may be miserable, but I couldn't be happier.

BTW, when i was a TBM I know there was lots of talk about those "bizarre" and "weird" members that didn't believe it was the one and only true church and just went for the social experience. Not a true believer, you weren't one of us.

Good luck

Yep they are guaranteed to be a regular topic in Ward Gossip Meeting, er Ward Council Meeting.

KC, your plan may be right for you, but I find it disingenuous simply because you got your wife and kids to stop attending, now you've got them back in the pews on Sunday. Your kids will not benefit from being jerked around, and the instability it creates may leave them craving what they see as the absolute truth of mormonism. If your modified approach is well thought out I could be completely wrong but the no tithing, no calling, partial attendance (let's not do the hard stuff) approach is not going to leave anybody feeling like they experienced real spiritual growth. Members in the ward will target you (and try to make you feel special) to activate you, your wife, your kids, and someone will be ensnared.I hope I am wrong, but this feels like you see mormonism as having very limited value, and so you are making a very limited contribution of time or resources. If it isn't worth it, cut your losses and put those efforts towards something that does mean something to you.