Posted by:
notloggedin
(
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Date: September 26, 2012 06:18PM
I just cut this into chunks so everyone could read it easier. Let's cut the guy some slack, it takes guts to write these kinds of stories, formatting isn't really what's important.
"If this is a little long but I've been visiting RfM for a few months now and it has been so therapeutic that I thought I would post.
I grew up out West in a small town along the Rocky Mountains. The town I grew up in did not have a large mormon population (mostly Catholic) but it was close enough to Utah and Idaho and only about two hours from other small towns that were almost completely mormon. My Father’s family are TBM’s but honestly I have no idea how they even got started in the church. My Mother’s side is, for the most part, a bunch of hard-drinking, uneducated country folk. You can imagine how much they liked their mormon family members.
My Mom joined in the 70’s when she was 19 while my Dad was out of the country for work. She was all alone, and it must have been so easy for two young men in suits and ties who were about her same age to convince her of all this crazy fear-based nonsense and family-is-forever garbage. She was a perfect target. Needless to say, she joined up, and when my Dad returned they moved back to the small town I grew up in and started replenishing the earth.
It was the classic story you hear so much on this site. They were young, naïve, and strongly believed that if they went to church, paid their tithing, and lived according to the rules that they would be blessed. They had four of us, my two sisters and my brother, and despite all of the damage caused by trying to live the fraudulent lives of TBM’s, they continue to keep up the lie to this day.
My Dad is a simple man with low self-esteem who is easily outsmarted. My Mom is an intelligent Woman but suffered a tremendous amount of abuse growing up (both of my parents did which makes them a perfect fit for Mormonism) for which she never got help and thus she unknowingly allows herself to continue being abused to stay within the safety of the mormon bubble. They are a toxic combination and would have each been much happier apart but they’re sheep that can easily be led so they’ve stayed together no matter how bad things became in their lives or how unhappy they were.
The church was something that I can honestly say I never believed in. Growing up, all of us kids spent a lot of time with our non mo family members and it was obvious that we belonged to a strange cult that everyone outside of it found comical. I feel lucky to have always been the type of person that can recognize BS.
My Sisters were older than my brother and I and they suffered the most from my parent’s brain-washing. They were sexually abused by my Grandfather when they were very young and only given church counselors to deal with this as they got older. It was found out later that my Grandfather abused EVERY one of my female cousins as well. And yes, he was a member, and even though I can’t prove it I know that the male-centric culture in the church contributed to his behavior.
Because of the abuse from my grandfather, parents, and the church my Sisters struggled with their self-image growing up which led to drug-abuse, sexual activity, and a tremendous amount of emotional trauma. Luckily, they are both still alive and well. The one who never let go of the Church is now divorced and living with us while the one who did has a strong marriage and is much happier. The sister who still attends has so many issues with my parents and with her own life that she can’t bring herself to give up the church. She is very smart and knows it’s garbage but she is so damaged it’s sad. I love them both and often feel for them because of the trauma they’ve had to endure. They are both strong women and have done a lot for me in my life without expecting anything in return.
By the time my Sisters left the house my parents didn’t have any energy for me and my Brother. They passed the parenting duties off to other men in the church with whom we had very little in common and no respect.
I stopped attending seminary at 16 and stopped going to church completely at 17. My brother tried to stick with it and they were able to keep him in long enough to convince him a mission was right. He’s never been the same person since the MTC and still talks about how much he regrets going on his mission. He returned home 10 years ago. He suffers from severe depression and still exhibits so many behaviors from his days as a member even though he hasn’t gone to church in years. It makes it much harder for him to be a good father and husband. I also feel for him and because he is highly intelligent and charismatic and I often wonder what he would have become if not for the church.
Sorry if this was long. I am so thankful that I found this site because I’ve never been able to share this story with anyone outside of my immediate family that could understand. My wife is a never mo and laughs at the idea of going into a temple and “pretending to be a dead person”. It is pretty funny when you look at it that way.
As my parents continue to age they have become even more fervent, to the point of almost being violent. My Dad is the worst, he constantly sits around on the couch hoping for the world to end. I suppose the idea of Godhood always strongly appealed to him since he’s always felt so powerless in his life and my Mom has constantly belittled him throughout his life for not being “more like the Bishop”. I do love my parents and live close to them but keep them at arm’s length so they know their boundaries. It’s amazing that after all these years they’ve never been able to identify the common thread that made them miserable and damaged all of their children tremendously. It can often be very hard to be the only one who can see the forest from the trees."