We always talk about breast augmentation, or tummy tucks, and there are always women on the board who feel disgusted by it all. I can understand their pain, because I have body issues as well, as do a lot of men, but I don't think it is as well understood as the female type.

Some of my body issues.

I feel very sexually unattractive because of my gut. I try diet and exercise, but it seems like I can never get rid of that gut. I then feel depressed about feeling unwanted, and I turn to food, making the thing worse.

To make it worse, my son loves to swim, and we have a beautiful swimming pool in our neighborhood that I only took him to twice this year, because I am too embarrassed to be seen without a shirt on. I feel horrible because of this, because I feel like I have really let him down.

I feel like my muscles are not big enough. Especially my biceps. I joke about my womenly upper body strength. I feel so self conscious about this, that I will not wear a shirt that exposes my biceps to ridicule. This again plays into my shirtless fears as well. There is a surgery for men where they put in fake biceps, and I would totally get that if I had anywhere near the money to do so.

Don't even get me started about my gray hair and my teeth not being white enough.

You are describing me. Knock it off.

I would try not to worry about this if I were you. I know that's easier said than done.
Not every woman wants a Ryan Reynolds lookalike with the perfect abs and hollywood smile. My fiance is a pretty big guy (250+ pounds) and I LOVE it! Seriously I wouldn't have him any other way.
You are a well loved member of RfM with an awesome sense of humour, I hope you can find someone that can love and appreciate you for you!
xox

I agree. You're one of my favorite posters.

I have a gut too, mostly from my love of beer. But I'm 40 and happily married and will never have abs of steel.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to firm up and/or lose weight, but Elaine Dalton is right. A nice physique is really nothing more than a pretty package. What really matters is what's inside. That's what will really make you sexually attractive to someone worth being with.

I'm 62, so most hope is gone! I'm satisfied with how my body is, even though it's not attractive in the least. At this point, I'm worried more about function than form. Fortunately, everything still works remarkably well. At this age the worry is; What's going to go first?

If you do some bicep work, your gut will get less. I had a layer of fat over my abs even when I was at the gym daily. When I lost a sh!t load of weight fasting to not be gay, I still had the tummy fat.

I had a stepping machine, and it did nothing when I wanted to lose the last fat on my gut. Most guys can't, but if you are fairly big in the arms it looks fine. A gut in a wifebeater with some nice arms is still manly.

I gave up intense aerobic exercise because it just didn't seem to do much. However, as I said above, I always noticed my gut would get less by just doing upper body weight work. Even half an hour every other day.

With swimming, I wear a wifebeater because I don't feel perfect, but here in Queensland Australia, a lot of people wear shirts to avoid skin cancer. Kids even wear long sleeved swimming gear that blocks uv.

My 2 cents...once you hit 40, the metab slows down. The key is consistency.

Try this:
-Eliptical 30 minutes M-F
-A 1-2 hour long bike ride w/ or w/o the kids*
-Lift weights 3-times per week, concentrating on the large muscle groups (i.e. Leg press/light squats/Bench/Military/Lat pull downs/Abadabas/etc.
-Keep your fat grams to 30 grams or less per day
-Eat complex carbs only
-No late night eating

It will come off. If you did this, you'll drop an average of 2 pounds per week, 8 pounds per month. For me, 10 pounds equals 1 inch around my waist. In six months you could drop from a 40'' waist down to a 34''.

Try it.

*Bike ride: Don't underestimate this. You can burn a 1000 cals in one bike ride. This is a huge calorie burner. I love this because you burn and you don't even know it because you're so concentrated on everything else around you (i.e. safety, scenary, etc)

ughh...I mean a weekend bike ride only. I usually go Sunday morning.

I have 4 grandkids under 6 (and another one on the way).

Spend a day chasing after them, and it's certain you'll feel younger, maybe even lose some pounds.

You'll need an extra nap, though.

Always order Diet Coke with your pizza.

I dunno, Diet Coke is pretty heavy. Depending on where your fulcrum is, you might need to add in a side of bread sticks to make it balance :-)

I got rid of my gut and have pretty big biceps and muscular shoulders now. My legs now have a lot of definition. I wear sleeveless shirts when I can, my arms are now my best feature. :) A few years ago I had a gut, skinny arms, skinny legs, etc.

How did I do it? Low carb eating (paleo agrees with me and I think it does for most men), and I exercise like a mad man doing Crossfit.

It ain't easy, but it can be done.

I still don't have abs like I want but I've taken my genetics as far as my body will let me. Don't give up. It can be done. If you want it bad enough, you can push yourself to where your body will look pretty good and those body issues will start to fade away. My whole life I avoided taking my shirt off, now I actually like it. And I'm not young. I'm old as dirt.

Actually, on the biceps issue, too much muscle can be a bad thing. To me, those bodybuilders look disgusting, and I can't be the only woman who thinks that. The ideal body type for me is more runner than weightlifter. A little bit of a gut isn't such a big deal either, as long as it's not rolls of fat - and even that isn't as bad as back hair. If you want to be more attractive and you have hair showing from the back of your neckline, that's where you need to start!
Honestly, though, you don't have to have a perfect body. If you are comfortable with yourself, your partner is more likely to be comfortable with themselves too. If you obsess over your appearance, it will make the woman you're with feel worse about her own looks - and most women do have body issues. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves are more attractive anyway.

Now see, this is how strange people trying to squish themselves into an ideal of attractiveness... most people's ideas of attractive are completely different!

sexismyreligion doesn't like hairy backs... whereas I freakin' love hairy backs! Both are preferences are cool. Some people like this, some people like that, etc...

Media, business and hey! even churches attempt to corral and funnel nebulous human sexual attraction into specific ideals that serve their bottom line but those ideals do not honestly or accurately reflect what sorts of attractions are really going on between people. In real life, people are much, much more varied and interesting in what they really find attractive.

According to the media, I should be lusting after Brad Pitt but I find Robbie Coltrane and Iggy Pop oodles more attractive than Brad Pitt. I certainly do not let (or try hard not to) media dictate to or sway me to what I should find attractive or not, I listen to my own groin for that!

C'mon now, I'm an extremely hetero guy and even I think Brad Pitt is hot. That said, Iggy's eyes are amazing.

jaredsotherbrother Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> C'mon now, I'm an extremely hetero guy and even I
> think Brad Pitt is hot. That said, Iggy's eyes are
> amazing.

I can objectively see that Brad Pitt is good looking in that stereotyped prettyboy hollywood way but it doesn't make him attractive or sexy to me. Not at all. Not my thing.

I highly recommend the movie "Mansome," it is super interesting to watch.

Have you tried bulimia?

Bulimia you say? Do you have any pamphlets I could read?

I am pretty sure the morg have a 12 step program to help you implement eating disorders... LOL

Well, at least you don't have man-boobs. I don't either, but I'd get surgery to get rid of those puppies if I had them...

Seriously, I understand in a way that most people don't.

I have a club foot with a nerve that was surgically cut as a kid, sooooo...

My lower left leg is a "chicken leg". Not one thing I can do about it. No functional muscle group. I don't like to swim and even my wife doesn't understand my discomfort, which should be obvious...

I'm 'surprised' no one has mentioned that 'other' matter of male appearance that's obvious to our partners (or while skinny-dipping, sun bathing).

#1: Function

#2: Appearance

Because I don't have issues in that area. I am Welsh after all.

At least you have a gut to make this work:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=144174031&page=1

LOL! That's hilarious!

I want two. One for each thigh! ;-)

Give up the coke my friend :)

I have actually been replacing it with green tea.

This wasn't a problem until the men's fitness magazines started showing up on the rack.

Women have always had to contend with PERFECT models on the covers of magazines, but now they are showing square-jawed men with pecs and six-packs staring out at whoever walks down the aisle.

Maybe it's time for a masculinist movement. I say we gather and burn our jock straps.

Didn't I see this in an old episode of "Married With Children."

Well, to help with the swimming aspect of it, they do have "swim shirts". http://www.swimoutlet.com/T-Shirts_s/227.htm. Otherwise though, I wouldn't worry too much as long as you are "healthy". To be honest (and I know this doesn't sound good), but I judge women more than men on their looks. I feel like men can get away with a gut more easily than a woman. Doesn't make it right, but it's true.

Just wear an old Garment top ;)

Every time I see a woman with a really tiny waist, I tell myself I need to exercise so I can play with someone like her.

Mind over matter, forbiddencokedrinker. You need to fix your thinking patterns FIRST.

It's human nature to fix one thing and find a problem with something else. You could loose all the weight in the world and be completely ripped, but guess what? You will still find something else wrong with yourself.

My fiance had to sit me down and remind me all of this last night because I had a mental breakdown about my poor self esteem due to negative thinking patterns. He is helping me be strong because he has gone through everything I'm going through. He has struggled with weight problems since he was 10 and had to learn to deal with it. It truly is about positive thinking. Even today, Im helping myself by writting down everything that I like about me and how well my day is going. I already feel pretty good!

Also... my fiance is 280lbs, and he is the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Btw... I went vegan. I love it! I thought I would hate it but now I actually have a hard time going back to meat. My mood has improved and I dont feel so sluggish anymore. I'm a good cook, but lately I've become so bored with it. Now I know what I needed; a challenge. It's nice to know that all the time I spend cooking now is time spent making me healthy instead of slaving over a meal that's just going to load on pounds. I highly recommend it.

If you can stand to do it. Results are amazing if you actually do it.

80% is diet, 20% is exercise...

Increase daily activity (the more the better).

Eat:
greens
tons of grapefruit
fruits n veggies (raw is better)
lots of water

throw in some cooked fish a couple times a week for protein.

SERIOUSLY! AMAZING TO EAT THIS WAY!

FCD, I know your post was geared towards men but I can assure you I feel your pain with the gut. Even though getting my boobs done helped in that department I still have this icky gut! rander70 is so right! Although I hated my gut at the same time as I hated my boobs, maybe not as long as my tummy was awesome...until I had kids! Now I have this belly I can't get rid of that gets more bloated everytime I eat, no matter what I eat, I look 4 months pregnant after lunch, not to mention the road map of Canada that is permanately etched into the skin of my tummy! I wanted a tummy tuck at the same time I got my boobs but I couldn't swing both, not to mention the time off from work is a hell of a lot longer after a tummy tuck. (with my boobs I took one day off for the surgery and was back to work the following week).

But you know what FCD, I bet you are one sexy hunk of man just the way you are!

Years, years ago I had a wonderful Desolation Canyon River Run with a nudist colony. In those five days my mental (stupid) handicap did not let me take my shorts off, (not because I had a small dick or big gut). I regret it ever since but the opportunity presents itself again I'll take off everything.

It is easier to say "don't worry about it"////
But screw what the people think; do they have a first hand impact in your life? Probably not, even if they had they should look at the mirror first.

You are wasting valuable time.

How come I was the only guy that shared his insecurities?

It's the green tea talking.

;-)

I hate body issues. I keep telling myself I'll wish I looked like I do now, in 20 years.

Society plays a huge part in it. I love pinterest and every "pinned" woman on there is either bone thin or over the top fit.

It's hard to feel sexy too. I wish I could see myself the way my Hubby sees me.

I guess the only thing to do is keep on working out, eat better and feed yourself with positive reassurance. I'm trying it out...:)

I have a lot of body issues as well. I am to skinny but I also have a little bit of a gut. It would hardly be noticeable if the rest of my body wasn't so skinny but I think it looks awful. I think both men and women get a lot of messages from the media about how we should look.

I find when you close your eyes, nothing else matters but desires of the body and heart between partners.
Of course I have been celibate for about 10 years now by choice ... go figure.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2012 03:53PM by mindlight.

There is just no easy way to get fit. At least I haven't found an easy way. I say No a lot to yummy foods everyone else is eating and run outside in the evenings. I don't mind a guy with a little gut though. I don't really like muscle men. And my husband's hair is totally gray and I like it.