I'm tired of the relentless YW leader constantly trying to encourage my daughter to participate, without so much as asking how I feel about it, when presumably I don't want her to go since I'm inactive.

I'm tired about shebol (new name for former first minion) who is now the YM leader over my son asking what he can do to make my son feel more comfortable at YM's without considering the fact I might not want him to feel comfortable.

I'm tired of the cute girl at my son's school telling him things like "Please watch conference. I like you so much. I'll never give up on you."

I'm tired of my mom waiting til she has my kids alone to ask if they are going to serve missions and encourage them to do seminary.

I'm tired of bumping into Mormons at the store or at the school and having to tolerate their freaky friendliness or their cold shoulders, knowing they are both being used to try to manipulate me into following their warped lifestyle.

I'm tired of my husband playing possum and acting like it's OK we are inactive now but sooner or later, I'll come to my senses so he's just going to play along til I do.

I'm tired of him making comments like "Hopefully that cute girl will get our son going to church again" especially when DH doesn't go himself.

I'm tired of VTs and HTs stopping by with their "messages" and their loaves of bread.

I'm tired of the fact most of my family and most of the people pretending to be my friends are Mormons and are trying to lure me (and worse, my children) into a damaging lifestyle that will teach attitudes contrary to what the Savior taught and what decent people believe.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel like I'm in a constant battle, virtually alone, to save myself and my children. Resigning would help but only to a certain extent and I couldn't resign my kids with my husband opposed. Our TBM family would go after them in a heartbeat if I tried or if I resigned myself, hoping to save them. I feel like I'm in some swamp sinkhole that I may or may not survive. Everything is conspiring to drag me back into a mess I escaped and drag my children too. I am so tired of feeling like I'm fighting and endless battle for right against a major foe that seems unstoppable. I know Mormonism as we know it seems headed for disaster but I worry that like sand struck by lightening, it's going to warp from a quicksand-like danger to something hard and strange and sharper, rather than falling apart like other churches whose weird beliefs have been exposed. Mormonism Inc. has the money and the willingness to lie shamelessly. I'm so tired of battling such a mammoth black hole. I know I'm right and I wish I could just scoop my kids up and move to the middle of Iowa where most people have never met a Mormon and start over with everyone on my side instead of everyone pulling me down. I can truly say I hate Mormonism like you hate a stalker or an abusive ex. I know hate is an unproductive emotion but how do you NOT hate someone who is constantly after you?

OK, rant over. But some of you know what I mean.

I was lucky as a convert. I did not have any of those family ties. Lost a lot of friends, but that's easy. They weren't real friends anyway. Family is harder, and they are just so damned persistent and self-righteous.

story100 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was lucky as a convert. I did not have any of
> those family ties. Lost a lot of friends, but
> that's easy. They weren't real friends anyway.
> Family is harder, and they are just so damned
> persistent and self-righteous.

I am so grateful that this is my situation also. I did lose my friends though. A few partially trickled back, but it will never be the same.

You know, it is cruel and unusual punishment. They know no boundaries and are clueless to how offensive and disrespectful they are.

What would they do with the switcheroo? Go to my church, listen to the missionaries, let's set your baptism date in one week. "Oh your Mom is working? She doesn't need to be there. We will schedule it."

I can relate to the feeling, although I haven't been exactly in your shoes. I only got a taste of this treatment.

It's not always rational to react like that, but it is completely understandable. And of course, it's completely diametrical to the way the mormons see these interactions--that seems to make it seem worse, that they don't even conceive of there being any problem except you and your family's moral failings.

Ugh.

Having a stalker--that's a perfect comparison. Especially when you have to worry about the powerful lure of peers on your kids. Imagine how all the Mormons in your life would react if you started showing up on their doorsteps unannounced to push Scientology on them, or tried to get their kids to go in for a little "auditing" behind their backs.

But you already have the best weapon to protect your kids: information. The more they have, the less likely they are to follow the cute girls down the rabbit hole.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2012 12:50AM by inmoland.

One thing that galls me about Mormons is that they treat other people in ways they'd never tolerate being treated themselves - and blame us for being mad when they would feel the same way if they were in our shoes. Your comparison to Scientology was right on the money.

when I had four children by myself, three of them within four years of each other, I had very long days.
My husband was gone all week and NO help at all on weekends other than providing me with a little longer bathroom break before all hell would break loose again;.

I was in a small Mo-town of population 600, no friends I could call or hang out with.. the singles said I was married, the marrieds had other things to do...I had no money for going somewhere else....I was stuck 24/7. There was no one to hire to give me a break by baby sitting and I didn't have the money anyway....so that 4 pm to 7 pm became the longest hours every day.
When I got so tired of being nice to my children I'd set the timer for 10 minutes because I knew I could be a good mother for ten minutes. When the timer rang, I'd set it again., and again and again.. It was how I got through those days, weeks, years...and I won.

Know that you are doing a very good job. My sister compares challenges to sailing a boat....to get from point A to point B, you have to 'tack in the wind' or sail a zigzag path.
So put a star on your calendar for every day you tell the VTs HTs no thank you. For every time you manage to help your kids know the craziness of Mo-ism.... call upon the universe or God or what ever to help you...to keep your children safe from the unholy influences of Mo-sism....do things for yourself, put on a few inane movies to laugh at like Monty Python.....come here and we'll all give you virtual hugs...

Wow, that must have been so hard. Thanks for the tips. Only someone else who has been thru the weirdness really understands what it's like.

Me too. I'm so tired of it. And when I think about the fact that I will have to be tolerant of this behavior for the rest of my life I feel very discouraged.

If I want my family in my life then Mormonism comes along with it.

Le sigh

The most unnerving part about being "stalked" by the Mormons is that the stalker keeps changing. One week it's the YW leader, the next it's the VT, then it's a Mormon girl at school, and always the missionaries.

It's not just ONE person or situation you need to avoid. There is no identifiable boogeyman. I found myself in a constant state of arousal and defensiveness. When the house phone rang or somebody knocked on my front door, I just about jumped out of my skin. It took a looooong time for those PTSD type responses to lessen.

It's just simply not healthy to feel like you are "fighting an endless battle." I honestly don't have any advice for you, but I want to validate how you feel. You are not overreacting and you are not the crazy one. THE MORMON CHURCH IS CRAZY!!!

Friggin' cult.

;o)

That's a good point shannon - I didn't really think about it in those terms ... that it's coming at me from every angle but that does explain why I get that sort of constant state of arousal you mentioned. Where I feel on guard against everyone. Thanks for the words.

Ditto. I hear you and I can completely relate. You can't escape them and their attitudes.

I hate the way they look down on me because I'm not active. They look for any and all opportunities to bring up the church. Behind my back I know my family is saying what a failure I am. Never mind that I went to college, graduated, got a job, got married, support myself more than adequately, etc. I'm sure they blame every trial I face in life as it being my punishment for not going to church. They think Satan has a hold of me which has to be one of the dumbest notions I have ever heard. The worst is the things that they say that no one should ever say to someone. It's just so natural for them. My Dad once told me he wished I had died when I was very young (I almost did die) because then I'd have gone to the celestial kingdom. He'd have never said something like that if he wasn't a mormon and didn't have that warped view. They can't accept that other people can be happy without all that crap. When I'm not disgusted with them I feel sorry for them and wonder why they are so stupid. How is it that I figured it out and they don't? They say family is important when in fact, they are kept so busy by the church that there isn't much time for family.

I can't believe your dad said that. You are right. They aren't a family church. Family is just there to be used as leverage.

Wow, the Mormons are f'ed up people. We all need to hee ho and knock it down. We have dropped so many clues for them(they really need to step into the 21st century), and then at the same time I pity them... as they shove the idea that satan has our hearts and that's why we are why we are.... when all the things they point at us they have done. I have so much dirt on Mormons it's not even funny- It's not funny, this church is sooo creeepy

Based on what your son said back to that cute girl, it sounds like he might be on track to resign one day. What do you think? If your kids eventually resign, that could be very freeing for you.

Yeah - sometimes he says something reassuring then he says something that makes me worry. Like he said his grandma's comments would never encourage him to serve a mission. But then he said the hot girl would be the one to worry about, as far as convincing him to be Mormon.

I didn't want to overreact so I just had to be content with saying "Well, whomever you like make absolutely sure she likes you for you and that she's not trying to control you by insisting you jump through her hoops or live up to her Handsome Prince fantasy." And I mean it. I know too many whipped Mormon guys. If he has to marry a Mormon, it better be one that loves him no matter what, not someone trying to cram him into her ideal rather than help him live up to his ideals. And visa versa with her and her ideals.

Keep making those comments! :) I know what you mean. When I was a young woman and a whole lot less sure of myself than I am right now, I would have jumped through hoops to please a handsome, charismatic young man. Hormones are the real danger.

I just want you to know that I've read your posts over the past few years and that I really admire you. I think that you rock! So I'm sending you a virtual hug through cyberspace. You'll prevail one day -- I'm sure of it.

Thanks summer - I really, really needed that and appreciate it. You rock too.

I come from a family of nine. I have only one brother who is sane. The rest are mad with Mormonism. My brother and I both suffer with mental illness, and we have sought treatment for it. The rest of our family members believe that psychology is fake, but the Book of Mormon is real. Chapels are better than clinics, and bishops are superior to doctors.

Voodoo took my family, and there's no fixing it.

Just put a sign on your door "No religious salesmen" that's what I do pretty simple, no one bothers me anymore

>>"Family is just there to be used as leverage."<<

So true. "The Family" is the Mormon cult's greatest weapon. I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

I have struggled with this tag-team of stalkers for a lifetime. I have been "the wife of an inactive husband", "lax in my attendance", "less-active", "having a broken home", "inactive", and an "apostate." Thinking back on all of it, I can honestly say that when I was a faithful, obedient, Molly-Mormon, I was actually treated WORSE. The wards acted like they owned me, and I had to squirm, and give elaborate explanations, if I couldn't be at my station at the organ, exactly on time. Nothing, nothing satisfied them. They didn't care about me--they cared only about their damned cult. My life played itself out, and I had a husband I loved, for a while, and children that I loved, and still do. I had heartbreak, but mostly real joy in life, and hovering over my head was the cloud of Mormonism. It was the third worst thing in my life.

CA Girl, I can identify with what you are going through, although I had an easier time, because my husband quit the cult before I did. He led all of us out, too, but much later, when I was divorced and living in Utah, I returned to Mormonism. My TBM GA family, TBM friends, TBM neighbors all convinced me that 1) I could not raise my children properly without the cult and 2) the Mormon cult is the one best way to raise children. They played on my fears! I was abandoned, alone, needed a job, might lose my house, my children were upset about the divorce, I was sick, we needed Joseph Smith to survive! (We already had Christ.)

Mormons have a knack of making things seem much worse than they really are. We were all brainwashed to think this way. Just breathe....

I know the feeling of being "outnumbered," but this is only within your own TBM family. You have 99.9% of the rest of the population on your side. Many, many non-Mormon hot girls for your son to date! I suspect that if your husband has been willing to join you in your inactivity, that he would be happy to enjoy all of his Sundays. Maybe you need to be the strong one in the family, who leads them out of darkness, negativity, and depression.

You certainly have incentive. Maybe you will be required to be the scapegoat, and take the blame for the whole thing. That's what I did. It was harsh, to hear the gossip about me, mostly coming from my in-laws. We were all in the same ward. I realized that my "family" was me, my husband, and our children--and no one else. My husband's brother was excommunicated shortly after we became officially "inactive." My in-laws were so upset that they cut off both sons from their inheritance. Think carefully about what REAL power the Mormons in your life have over you--because most of them will stop at nothing. They are deluded into thinking that forcing you into their cult is for your own good, your own eternal salvation and theirs, as well. This a powerful delusion.

The upside of looking the Mormons square in the eye, realistically, is that most of them have NO POWER over you, whatsoever! So what, if you aren't able to attend their weddings. Go have fun at the receptions. Mormons used to scare me to death, until I confronted them, and stood up to them. It really was like Toto pulling down that curtain, to reveal that small, little man, trembling with fear. The whole Mormon cult is fear-based. Trust me, when you leave, you will find LOVE out there in the world!

Of course you are feeling threatened, because you are being threatened. I sat alone in my house, divorced, sick, temporarily out of work, and had my bishop and home teacher THREATEN me that unless I went back to church, I would get sicker, fail financially, and that my children would fail in life. I was sobbing.

I don't know how old your children are, but I think you need to have a serious, non-threatening, talk with them about religion. By "talk", I mean you should mostly listen to them. They must feel comfortable enough to speak from their heart. I think your heart will tell you what you should do. Also, children are wiser in some things, than are brainwashed adults. My children gave me the answer one Saturday morning. We were talking about Sunday, and my children were complaining about having to go to church, the way they usually did, and I was beginning to tell them to stop giving me a hard time, like I usually did. Then I took a close look at them, around the breakfast table--good kids, kind, loving, doing well in school, sociable, happy 6 days out of the week--and realized that they had rights. From the heart, I asked them, "Tell me exactly WHY you don't like church." They opened up, and told me everything. Some of the things, they had been threatened not to tell me or anyone else. Such as, the bishop's creepy older son had put his hands all over my little girl when she was asleep at a ward campout. All of the kids that heard her scream and saw what was going on, were warned to keep quiet, also. On several occasions, the priesthood leaders had burst into my house when I was at church, and into my sons bedrooms, to physically drag them out of bed and kick them in the rear end, and force them to church. What kind of church physically forces people to attend?

Even if your children complain about the elitism--that is grounds for you to take them out of there. My children never liked the idea that their beloved school teachers would not go to the highest heaven just because they were not Mormons, or that we would "walk past each other as strangers" and not be together in the hereafter just because their father and I were not married in the temple. The changing versions of "Joseph Smith Story" never made sense to them. Whatever bothers your children is most likely an honest complaint. Your husband must listen with you.

After listening to my children (they are honest), you can imagine my reaction, and I told them that they never had to go to church again. Coming out the other side, 8 years later, my children and I are very close. We are so happy! We all succeeded (as of today). But, the Mormons think they won. Some of them took our money (in several ways), but they would have done that if we had stayed TBM. We lost popularity in the ward, but we have non-Mormon friends. We lost almost all our Mormon friends, but they weren't real friends in the first place. We were gossiped and lied about, but those who know us know that we are good people. I care about only what my children think of me. The Mormons will condemn me, no matter what I do, so I might as well do what I think is right.

What would you do if you desperately needed help? Life or death? Would you call your bishop for a blessing? Call the RS for a casserole? Call your visiting teacher for expert advice? What do you truly need for a "support system?" Doctors, nurses, 911, the Fire Department, the police, McDonald's, a psychiatrist, one best friend to hold your hand.... Trust me, you will have all of that. Fear not!

(Yikes! Sorry about the rant, but I allowed the Mormons to bully and manipulate me for way too long.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2012 03:24AM by forestpal.

So is this where I can put a novel? Lol

Ive been dealing with this stuff for years and years. My family was relentless. They come after my kids constantly. To be honest, that's part of why I'm here.

Here's some things that have seemed to work for me.

My son met a girl who started pushing him to be Mormon bigtime. He called my wife and told her that his girlfriend and him were taking the lessons and he was thinking of getting baptized. I freaked a minute.

Then I got real. I put it in context in my mind and played it out in my head what it'd be like for him/them. Once I put it into perspective, I was able to talk to him without being upset at all. I actually started laughing when it hit me that this kid who is so independent is going to sacrifice all that freedom he loved to be led by nerds who's only experiences in life are mostly within the Mormon bubble?

Then I asked the girlfriend why she wanted to put my son in a position of power over her with the priesthood and all the Mormon leadership positions exclusively for men. When I got to the part about polygamy in heaven and skin changing colors, I had to break out my old 1978 triple contamination...I mean combination, it was all still there in black and white, just like I thought it would be. It's been about a year since then and they've both moved on away from Mormonism without another word :)

As for my family, they used to condescend to me and make comments. I didn't say anything back for years but the injustice of it all finally got to me and I started making little comments to them here and there without making a scene. It wasn't long before everyone shut up, and quit going after me. They started it.. lol

So anyways, from my experience, a good defense is a thought out offence. They are playing with superstitions and you are in reality. Just don't get sucked into their game. Feelings are only as real as they feel.

You're a super smart girl CA Girl and I know you can handle it wisely. If anything, you need to kindy, very gently start a dialogue with your husband to get to the bottom of what's up. Without his support, your plan would most likely be different. If he's sabatoging the situation and deep inside wants to return to Mormonism, so be it, for now. It ain't over, your job is just different than you thought.

There's been times when my family puts a bigger push on me than normal. I found a trick. Read the new testament as an exmo, then go talk about it in the midst of their stuff. It's been quite the silencer of them for me. Romans especially. I come away from the new testament with the understanding that according to the bible I am not under condemnation as I was in Mormonism.

Anyways, I probably could have summed it up by saying that the truth will set you free, but you do need to put out the effort to use it.

You are not alone! I am grateful for you. You have helped me out in the past without even knowing it. Thanks. You have great insights.

Plus, just check out the list of people here for you within a few hours.

I hope you have hundreds of small victories from here on out CA Girl!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2012 08:36AM by smithscars.

I feel I am also in a battle against the Mormons and in a way the whole freakin world. Mormons are crazy but so are other religions.... As I let the Mormon church go, I see it is a universal problem. Mormons are just extremely sure of themselves and we can just relate to them better. Most of us were once just as blind as them... I wish someone would have come up and told me and I feel I would have listened(thinking of what I know now... simple things)... that's what I am so confused about now... why are they so hard-headed knuckle heads?

I feel a lot of times I am standing my ground combating people and it is on every level exhausting.. I think ..okay, I am fine today but I have no idea how tomorrow is going to boil over cause I am not going to stop fighting for something I see and believe in. I don't have a husband yet or kids so your's is amplified times whatever I am sure, I want you to know I feel your frustration and pain. I am engaged to a guy that grew up Catholic and I am trying to see eye to eye with him..Things are good between us- we are making progress.. but I feel like he just wishes I could move on... then I tell him that I can't function in a messed up world -where people won't listen. I have come to find out that that religion can be.. dark, passive, a little mean.. maybe are good words to describe it. Growing up Mormon was better suited for my personality but still there is so much more out there that this next generation up and coming deserves to know- early on. I feel alienated from my family and that is for the best I think, but still extremely difficult.

Conference really rustles my feathers and opens the wound that I constantly feel... and then my frustration turns into straight up anger and I DON"T GIVE AN F feeling. I speak my mind on account of most things I come across and don't like or disagree with. The Mormon church meets that criteria.

Be like hey guys.. do you want me to draw graphs and charts for u as to why I don't believe. Would you like me to break out some timelines that we can analyze. Would you like me to ignore science and truth and see where that gets me?? Should we go back and "Start at the very beginning... a very good place to start?"

We have been there and done that and we don't want to go backwards and sit quietly while everything goes to $%!& -- just cause it has taken this long to finally place some puzzle pieces for some.. doesn't mean all is lost.

girls/women are born mothers and we care and we fight because if we don't do it who will. I will fight till I die to free people and let some things be known- then I can rest. It seems like they may be winning now but in the end everything will make sense to those that cannot see like we have. Stay strong CA girl. I am fighting along with you



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2012 07:25AM by holistic.

Jesus is worth getting to know on an interactive, personal one on one basis, and if you recall, he is not fond of religion or religious practises. He is alive, and he is life. His word is spirit and it it life. He is not impressed by church liturgy or reptitition. He didnt like it when he was here in body with us and since he is the same yesterday, today and foever, he has not grown to appreciate relegion since he went to be with the father. He loves those of us who sit in pew week after week mumbling the same songs, chanting the same creeds, checking our watches and even being offended when someone has the gall to sit in OUR SPOT. But these things keep him at a distance, when he wants to hold you in his arms. They keep him up in the sky somewhere sitting on a throne when the fact is that he's right there next to you, and even in you if you have already welcomd him as the lord of your life. Releigion with all its rules and padded doctrines is the opposite of relationship, and his whole purpose of creating you ws to have a relationship with you.

Larry.

I hate how they discount nonbelievers by assuming they have powers to turn nonmormons into something they are not.

Tell them a hundred times that you're not interested and never will be and their response is, "See you when you're ready to change your mind."

It's infuriating!

Thanks again everyone. I really do like hearing all your stories because it's nice to have people I can relate to and advice to follow. I wish it wasn't such a battle or that Mormons could realize how what they perceive as righteousness is seen as intrusive stalking by outsiders. But I guess everyone is in a battle of some sort. My kids are teenagers and I can hope I've taught them enough to make good decisions and know them well enough to know what to say to each individually to get through to them. I think probably a lot of moms of teenagers feel this way except instead of fighting to keep their kids safe from Mormonism, they are worried about drugs and gangs and friends who get their kids into trouble and underage drinking and bullies etc. Conference is just opening up a lot of stuff for me, even though I'm not watching it, because I grew up believing that the church would keep me safe, not be the thing I was fighting to be saved from.

"because I grew up believing that the church would keep me safe, not be the thing I was fighting to be saved from."

Wow...So Surreal yet So Real CA Girl

Not only do we find ourselves, we're fighting for our families and friends.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/07/2012 12:50PM by smithscars.

I feel that way sometimes, living in Utah County. I'm grateful my family (the one I grew up in) was never Mormon and that my kids have gone inactive with me. Someday I'll be outta here!

who I took out of the lds church at a young age. I won't even go there with what I get to hear over conference. I see her repeating my mistakes and all I can do is be there for her when she needs me. I've tried the other way.

Her friends are people like the stake RS president. She worships these women--but who is it who is there to pick up pieces. Her best friend--who is a convert--has asked her several times recently--"how does your mom feel about how you relate to these mormon women?"

I put her here--I will be the one who is always there for her no matter what she chooses, but, yes, I feel the same way, like I'm in the fight of my life for my daughter.

Actually, a relative gave me a mormon book this weekend because of some things I talked to her about that were troubling me lately--not religious--probably thinking this was the way to pull me back in. I know she meant well, but there are times it just gets under my skin. At least when she bought the book, she told my daughter "I won't sign inside of the book in case she wants to give it to someone else."

Me too Ca girl. I feel so tired and frustrated at times. I have the sword of damocles hanging over my head. My first little girl was blessed before i got out, so her name is on church records. There is no way dh will let me take her off. Its only a matter of time before they come stalking when she turns 8. I get sick just thinking about it. I will have no help from dh or family. I will have to play nice with these stalkers instead of telling them off to keep peace in the home. I am so tired of feeling alone. Hearing people tell their stories here reminds me that i am not alone and other people are struggling too. It does make me feel a little better. Thanks.

Oh ya, the pressure on kids by kids, in particular is huge.

Have to teach your kids how to either avoid the pressure, or how to deal with it when they are hit by it head on.

It's a find line -- being able to be respectful of other people's religious feelings and rights and protecting your own (or none) and keeping relationships. It's so important to kids to have friends.

How to say: thank you, however, I'm not really interested. I'm happy it works for you.
Or: I'd prefer if you didn't bring up religion. It tends to muddy up relationships.
Lets be friends and leave religion out of it.

Is this possible? Probably. But will kids have the strength to do it their way? I think it takes practice and maybe a little role playing at home.