Hi, I have been reading these boards for years but I have an issue and I am unsure of how to even stop it. I have been with my husband nine years but we have been married for one, he grew up very active in the church along with his parents two sisters and one brother. He left the church when we met at 18 he had always been on the edge of leaving but I suppose our relationship was the deciding factor. My mother in law has resented me. What drives her crazy is that she cant get me to convert like she was able to do for his siblings spouses. All that mother in law drama would be ok to deal with if the church would leave us alone. Since January of this year a month after our wedding we have faced an increased issue with the church harassing us in the form of letters and sending missonaires non stop. We have received at least ten letters from a ward down the street from us they are not even formal letters they are more like pleads from church members for my husband to return to the church. We just moved to this area and my husband had never attended that specific ward in his life. We have sent some back un opened with return to sender but they send them back. Missionaries stop by twice a week at our home it is always a very stressfull situation. Since they caught on I am home without my husband they now send two female missionaries to speak with me, they even confronted me in a Walmart and had a message from my mother in law. How do we stop them? My husband has sent letters saying he will sue them if they dont stop after that his mother called us and told him good luck suing them. It is like she can make these people do whatever she wants it is really really strange....Anybody know where we should go from here? What kind of recourse do we have?

I am somewhat in the same position except that it's my own family causing the issues. I just barely got the missionaries off my back (they were coming once a day sometimes twice) and showing up at work and everything. I finally went face to face with the Stake President and told him to do something about it or I'd go more public with the ridiculousness of the pestering. That shut them up quickly. My own parents have resorted to very very sneaky and illegal tactics to get information on me and consequently my now inactive fiance. I know how it is trust me, I know it sucks and I sympathize. Also, you're my age too almost exactly, so I understand even more so I guess.

All I can say is hold your ground, don't give in to anything. You can take some measures (not too drastic) into your own hands, like making a video log about all the annoyance and how it's affecting your life negatively and get a video posted online, etc. Trust me, there are creative ways to do things (I am sure others will chip in) to get things done.

Hang strong!

Notsurewhattothink, thanks I never even considered anything creative my anger sometimes tends to blind me I will definitely work on that. I just feel like my mother in law has so much free time and she uses it all on trying to hatch new schemes and she has so many connections at every avenue in the church, happy I am not alone.

Time to call the police.

This is gonna sound weird, but you have to fight extreme with extreme.

They will not stop for any logical/reasonable reason.

So you need to get weird. I suggest getting in front of a bunch of them and starting to cry saying things like
--I just feel like all the mormons are attacking me, telling me that I'm bad
--Every mormon hates me!
--Why can't they see that they are hurting my feelings

Even if those things aren't even slightly true, say them. Cry a LOT.

TBMs *love* their missionary efforts. You cannot get them to stop.
BUT you can convince them that what they've done is counter-productive and actually damaging their chances at "saving your soul"

They will back off and try another tactic.

Keep complaining until they pick a tactic that doesn't bug you too much.
Then take it and run. Give them a bread-crumb trail to make them keep doing that method of missionary work.

It isn't about stopping them, it's about channeling them into something you can handle.

You could do what Cheryl did:

http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon614.htm

Directly attack those who are doing this stalking and their superiors.

What are you willing to do?

File a police complaint and mail them a copy?

Storm the bish office on Sunday morning and cuss out whoever is counting the money or hearing confesions? You'll need to include flipping off and sweeping papers off the desk and across the room.

Are you willing to go to the bishop's house and cuss out his wife and/or him?

Would you hose the trespassers?

Seriously, these are criminal stalkers and trespassers. They don't back down unless they're made to feel extremely uncomfortable with whatever way you choose to press your advantage.

They're used to yelling, pleading, crying, and being ignored at the door. None of that works.

You'll have to get tough or this could go on for 20 or 30 more years. I'm not exaggerating.

Cheryl, your story is awesome! Loved your hubby on the YouTube video as well!

You may have to call an attorney and file a harrassment claim against the church...get some kind of "cease and desist" order.

Sometimes, just a letter from an attorney to the local bishop threatening to sue them will take care of the problem.

Obviously it is your MIL who is instigating all of the activity. She is mistaken if she thinks you don't have legal recourse. You can't stop her from exercising her religion, but you can certainly be protected from it.

Start sharing "anti-mormon literature" (aka truth) with them. Soon they'll be too scared to come back.

Talk to your local police about what they might be willing to do. This is harrassment.

What TSCC fears most, however, is bad publicity. Is there a local reporter who might be interested in your story? Perhaps writing a letter to the editor? It's an especially good time for this type of action given the current political campaigns.

I don't think the police will do anything but scoff at your complaint, sorry.

I do think getting a reporter involved would be viable.

Filing a complaint and mailing it to church officials demostrates that you mean business. If one complaint doesn't stop it, file one every month or so along with other tactics that make mormons uncomfortable.

The police chief in my town wrote a letter and copied the bish, the SP, and the MP. It said they might be arrested if church representatives harassed or trespassed again. An officer also went to the bishop's house in a potrol car. He parked in the bishop's driveway and went inside to explain the letter as needed.

I know some people who work for a local paper and I may share our story with them, I live in VA and some how we are surrounded by mormons its like we are in Utah or something. As far as police I am leery of that as well, I work in probation and like to keep out of that department.

Whatever you decide....document, document, document.

After every contact, summarize the event (including names) in an email to yourself. Keep notes, letters, etc.

If you are going to sue, make sure you gather as much evidence as possible against them.

In the mean time, do what justrob says and fight crazy with crazy... but I have a different suggestion. I can understand if you dont want to do it, but hey, I think it would send a loud message. Ready?

Invite them to Satanism. Express that you know the truth (cue the water works) and you know with every fiber of your beans that blah blah blah. Mormons are terrified of Satanist. I believe they will stop coming to your house all together.

After the air is cleared, you can clean things up with MIL. Tell her that she isnt the only person out there who believes they have all the truth. Wouldnt it offend her if you were constantly trying to get her to do something that you truly believed in, and she was extremely against? But you insisted it was the truth, so you constantly shoved things she believed was evil in her face? Fight fire with fire. If she gets upset, claim that your actions are only a reflection of hers.

Again, I know it's crazy, but it's just my 2 cents.

Funny you say that considering my mother in law told my husband I was the spawn of Satan this approach might be the right way to go. That remark really pissed my dad off anyway I volunteer with abused kids and have rescue dogs but I am really evil.

See?? You're already being called one, so you might as well act like one! LOL! Oh man... if you do you have to post what happened. It would be so funny.

He could resign. Tell MIL she pushed him into it by disrespecting him continuously.

Make sure you are recording every encounter. Make copies of letters for the file. Make copies of any response you send. Make notes of the names of people you specifically encounter, where and when.

Bring all of this to an attorney, who can file a demand letter to cease and desist against the church. Make sure a copy goes to the specific ward, the stake president, and your local newspaper/TV stations.

I sure will I regret not doing this since day one.

You can start now. No need to worry about what you should have done. Do it now. Remember, it's YOUR home and THEY are trespassing.

Are you sending any kind of mixed messages at all? Are you being friendly and not direct with visitors?

When you get letters throw them away without reading them. When someone uninvited comes by say you are not interested and close the door, etc.

You could also attempt to meet with the local bishop of the ward. It's a complete roulette wheel of what he will be like. However, if you explain to him that you are feeling harassed and all that is happening is you are feeling upset about the church he may tell the members of the ward to lay off.

Your husband could talk to your mother-in-law and directly tell her to back off.

There have been no mixed messages we ask them to leave the property when they come, well my husband does if he is not here I tell them that he wants nothing to do with them and they scurry off. One time they would not leave with out giving us some stupid literature but my neighbor an older military guy semi threatened there lives. As far as the mother in law I am sure there is some sort of mixed signals going on I try to do nice things for her maybe that is where I am going wrong.

Good for you on all accounts.

IMO it is your husband not you that needs to deal with the MIL.

One more idea.

Your husband should call up dear MIL and tell her quite clearly that she needs to knock it off and respect your rights. You are adults and she needs to stop trying to manipulate the situation. AND if she refuses, tell her you won't be visiting at Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other family event.

This issue is about respecting boundaries. Your MIL needs to be told clearly where those boundaries are and what will happen if she crosses them. BE FIRM and DO NOT WAVER. Draw the line then defend it!

Wow, you're mother in law is truly manipulative and in my book, evil. I don't care how much she thinks she is doing good, what she is doing is plain wrong.

What stinks here is that it's your husband's mother and she is betting on him, her son, to do nothing and to take no action against her.

The way I see it is, you will have to have a serious talk with your husband. Find out how willing he is to pursue action against the church, not just idle threats but in getting an attorney to take action. Of course, the best he can do in the mean time is to send a registered letter to the bishop and stake president to cease contacting him via letters from the people in their ward/stake and via missionaries and via any other avenue or he will have his lawyer step in. He has to have proof that he made a clear and concise communication to them to knock it off. As someone suggested, log any contacts made after that and follow through and get the lawyer.

Your husband needs to decide not to let the missionaries in the house. There is nothing wrong with letting them stand out side while you refuse to answer the door. They can't come in and upset you all if you don't let them.

If your husband is unwilling to pursue a more aggressive path with the church, you certainly can. You can send the registered letter, you can refuse to answer the door, you can tell them when they are bothering you in public that they are violating your request of being left alone and then say real loud, "Why would I ever want to go to a church founded by a bigamist/pedophile???? Leave me alone!????

While everyone contacting you may be good people thinking they are doing good, the church beast as a whole is counting on the fact that you are good people, too good to take a stand against their invasive tactics and hope to wear you down and make you give in. Don't be that good that you allow them to consistently cross boundaries with you, violating your privacy.

If your husband feels compelled to let them in the house (just saying, I don't know) you can tell him that he may not do it when you are home.

It's like protecting yourself against robberies, you lock your doors and your windows, perhaps get a guard dog and a security system. These people are like robbers and are counting on getting through to you because people get tricked into thinking that they are bad people for taking a stand. Lock up those proverbial doors and windows and be your own guard dog.

If he takes in a resignation letter to the Bishop, he can tell him that all of the harassment has been what pushed him over the edge. Maybe someday those crazy Mormons will get the message that becoming stalkers has the opposite effect of what they're hoping for.

Yes, this. I said above to blame the pushy MIL, but this works too.

I heard of people getting rid of missionaries by recording/photographing them when they come by. It would make anyone wary of returning if they know you're building a file full of evidence about their harassment.

Unbu F'in lievable!

My former ward or stake would never engage in such pressure tactics. What the hell do they think they're trying to accomplish? This is not the church I once knew. But the fact that it goes on in some areas goes to show what this so called church is capable of.

My advice, have a lawyer do up a letter to the bishop instructing them to stop or you will proceed with legal action. If that doesn't help, then go through with it and sue. Believe me, the bishop will be instructed by COB or his stake president to cut the crap.

Tell MIL that if she ever wants to see her grandchildren or be part of your and her sons lives, that the religion badgering stops. And follow up with it. Cut her out of your lives.

Change phone numbers. Move and don't give her or anyone who is on good terms with her a real address. Only a PO Box if you must have some contact for some reaosn.

Do not let your MIL sit your children. She will try to make them mormon.

I got rid of them by answering the door in my hunting camo holding a .40 cal pistol. They haven't been back since.

Have you considered Anthrax?

Invest in a device that will record even a few minutes of video (a cell phone, iPod touch, Flip video camera or even some digital cameras take video). When missionaries show up, tell them to wait and get the device. Say you are recording the encounter because you are being harassed and want them to stop. You will post the video on you tube.

You might even point the recorder at your MIL and ask her to stop the harassment and to respect your beliefs.

The church hates negative PR.

If I could be brave enough, I'd love to come to the door with a camera in hand.

I'd tell the visitors that every time they came over, I'd be videotaping them and then putting the videos on YouTube.

In the videos, you could say, "Why do you keep coming around when I've asked you time and again not to?" and make them answer you on camera. Then you could post it. You'd be behind the camera, so you would still be anonymous.

Why do you need to be brave to video people knocking on YOUR door at YOUR house harassing YOU? It's not brave, it's smart. No "he said, she said" when there's video.

Regarding what to say, I'd say, "You are not welcome here and you are trespassing. Do not come back. If you do, I will use any and all remedies available to stop this harassment. Do you understand?"

You can do this and so can the OP. Healthy boundaries are a good thing.

Since this is your inlaws, you will never win the battle. This is going to have to be handled by your husband. It is his family and he is the only one who can battle them effectively. He needs to man up and tell his family that if the harrassment does not stop, there will be no contact between him and his family. He needs to explain that the boundries are necessary because of their behavior. Of course they will claim they had nothing to do with it and they (the parents) have no control over members of the church. But he needs to tell them when all the harrassment stops the boundries will ease but not until. It may hurt but if he does not follow thru, there is no hope. You can get legal in the middle of it but they will use that as amunition against you. The parents are toying with your husband not you. They are using all the TBM ammo they know. But cult members do not understand boundires except the ones they impose. Best of luck. As the wife, stay out of it and if you hubby says anything say it is your parents deal with it. That keeps you out of the line of fire.

I agree. MIL views you as enemy #1. She will only believe that you both want to be left alone if it's her son that demands it to her face and not you. Well, you'll probably still get the blame, but it's your husband that needs to handle this 100%. It sounds like from what you said that he is up to the task. It just needs to be done more forcefully.

I have a feeling my husband's ex stepson's wife is in the same boat you're in. She was not a Mormon and ex stepson had left the church. They now live close to my husband's ex wife in a state far from where she grew up. I'd bet money the ex wife has sicced the local Mo's on her, trying to get her to join the church if she hasn't already.

I agree that it would be best if your husband manned up and dealt with his mother. However, I don't think you should have to put up with harassment from them if he won't get his mother to leave you alone. I'm in the camp that thinks you need to tell the local church people to leave you alone. Do whatever you have to do within the bounds of the law to get your point across. If they won't do that, then you may need to take legal steps.

If it were me, I would also have a talk with MIL and let her know in no uncertain terms that it's not acceptable for her to harass you by sending church people over.

When they come to the door chant "Hail Satan!" You have to scare them off.

Just open the door a little bit and say "what is wanted" That'll get them to leave. :)

Tell MIL that you are burning candles to curse her. You have made a voodoo doll of her, and every time missionaries come or you get a letter you put another pin in it. So she can stop her aches and pains by calling off her Mormon dogs.

Stop being nice to people who come uninvited. Be rude, be vulgar: "F*** OFF! GET YOUR STUPID ASS OFF MY PROPERTY AND DON'T COME BACK!"

See, for example this short video: http://youtu.be/K0p4_GGDbS0

Get the names and addresses of people who sent letters, and submit them to the JWs and tell the JWs that these people are desperate to leave the Mormons and become JW, but they are afraid, so don't give up on them. Keep coming back. Then send the Scientologists.

OMG! I didn't know they had a camera running!

Do THIS. You could charge admission.

RPackham, that video made me laugh so hard I scared my dog.

YES!!! I agree!!

As some of us were discussing yesterday on Cheryl's thread about being nice, the general rule of thumb of being "nice to the nice" is dangerous with Mormons. With Mormons, sometimes this is what can happen: you're nice to them, they're so nice back, you are further nice, they're nice, you send them another nice volley, they nicety nice you again..etc...then when it's all over, one way or another you figure out that you are COMPLETELY F&@?ED!!!

So if you've got to be rude, so be it. Safety first.

When the local bishop sent the mishies to my house to check up on me, the inactive HP, I asked them if they knew who I was, and knew my name. They denied they knew my name etc., and said they were just out tracting. Lie, they obviously came only to my house on this road, and left the area when I kicked them out.

So I wrote a page to the bish, on paper, and told him I asssumed he put them up to it, and that therefore I considered him to be a liar.

Haven't heard from that bishop since, and no problems with visitors.

I don't have specific "getting rid of unwanted church members" advice, but it is clear that you and your husband are PRIME missionary material: they get extra stars in heaven for re-activating him, and double extra bonus stars in heaven for converting you at the same time. This is one of the preferred methods of looking for converts, since you already know a member, even if he is inactive.

They want so, so, so badly to use this lever/lover situation that, in spite of MIL's mischief, you still might be up there on their list of "People We Need to Bother Today".

No one likes knocking on doors, but if there's the potential for re-activation + conversion, you are prime pickings.

Best of luck--this sounds like a total pain in the ass.

Download a picture of people in their temple clothes and temple garments, put it on your front door with the saying from the temple ceremony, like a poster SusieQ did:

No one in this house is under any obligation to avoid loud laughter, evil speaking of the Lord's annointed or any other unholy or impure practice.

Threaten to pass those pictures around all over town, with the caption: What Mormons wear in their Temple. To learn more about Mormon temple ceremonies, see __________ (address of your favorite site about temple ceremonies.)

Maybe fear of being outed will stop them.

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=mormon+temple+clothing+pictures&qpvt=mormon+temple+clothing+pictures&FORM=IGRE

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=mormon+temple+clothing+pictures&qpvt=mormon+temple+clothing+pictures&FORM=IGRE#view=detail&id=050EBFB373D9F565081C808D4E878134F1C508EF