My ex, who is also foreign born, and does not really completely understand our culture, has always had a problem with dressing our son. She tends to buy him a lot of girly outfits, including pink frilly vests, and such. I am not worried about him being confused about his gender, he knows he is a boy, as I am about him getting picked on by other kids.

Just tonight she was asking me about a lady bug costume that she was thinking about dressing him in for Halloween. I had already purchased him a Buzz Lightyear outfit, and I politely informed her that she did not need to get him anything as it had been taken care of. I've tried explaining these little things to her, and I think from where she is from, they do actually dress toddlers like little girls. Which is fine where she is from, because it is socially acceptable and everyone does it.

My problem is that she has a very short temper, and whenever I try to discuss anything that may sound like a criticism, she becomes very angry. How do I deal with this?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2012 11:29PM by forbiddencokedrinker.

I would probably stick to the fact that where you are people are are a lot more strict and conservative about gender roles, clothing and costumes and he could be teased in a lady bug outfit.

It has the advantage of being true and not bringing personal opinion into it.

DS had ladybug wings aged three. He wore spiderman to the Halloween party though wings are a PITA around bouncy castles. So there is also the compromise option your DS can have the ladybug outfit for dress up when around freinds but not trick or treating. Boys love red and black at least DS does.

DS has a huge selection of Hawaiian shirts. They have the advantage of being a masculine cut yet come in a wide range of colours and patterns. Perhaps you could hint they might be fun for your DS?

My mother bought DS a pink vest. Well blue and pink. It looks very masculine good with a good tailored shirt. Without, well.... lol.

Your son must be very young otherwise he'd pitch a fit, "no way Mom!"

Maybe send her some catalogs from JCPenney and Lands' End to show her how boys dress.

You need to pick your battles. I don't think anyone really cares how a toddler is dressed, really. Some of them strip off any clothes you put them in and run around naked.

Wait, have you been in my house? Every time I turn around I have a naked three year old running about. It's only really bad when we have company, or he has just left the toilet and he forgot to wipe.

I agree with Skeptifem. Your son will be able to assert himself with his mother over clothing choices when it matters to HIM. I'd let this one be if it were me.

Talk about difficult when it came to clothes. All the girls clothes are frilly and bright colors. All the boys clothes are dark colors. I had to search far and wide to find things my son would like or I'd convince him his coat was cool because his dad's was the same color.

Isn't your kid like, only 2 or 3?

Don't sweat it. The real ugly peer pressure stuff doesn't really ratchet up until, what, late elementary school. By that time, he will already be asserting himself in terms of what he wants to wear.

My sister loved her son's long blond hair. She wouldn't cut it until he was about four. One day, he turned to her and said, "Mom, girls have long hair. I want a hair cut." She cut his hair and that was the last time he looked "girly." (He didn't; he just looked like any other shaggy little boy.)

At this age, your son will not get picked on for wearing a ladybug costume. It may not even bother him when he's trick or treating and the neighbors think he's a girl.

Oooo! Another story: when I was about six, my mom got tired of trying to keep my hair detangled. As an adult, I totally understand her frustration. I have a LOT of really fine hair (but a LOT of it) that tangles very easily. If I don't use a bunch of really expensive hair products, I have a giant dreadlock in a day. So mom decided that the Mia Farrow "cute" little pixie haircut would be fantastic on a six year old girl. Then she'd take me out into the world and people kept asking what her little boy's name was, or how old her son was. And I'd get all pissed off and indignant, insisting I'm a girl, and then the grownups would laugh at me. Because it's so cute when you confuse a child's gender. :: roll eyes ::

I was 6 or 7. At toddler age, I don't think this is much of an issue. By 5 or 6 -- school age, then I'd say yeah, probably no more pink frilly stuff for the kid. UNLESS that's what he wants to wear. I saw a pre-teen boy walking into the grocery store yesterday wearing pink high-tops. I practically high-fived him.

One thing I am sure of, though. If you make a big deal about this to or in front of your kid, it WILL suddenly become a big deal to him.