Tony Blair, the British Prime Minister, is being shown around a hospital. Towards the end of the visit, he is shown into a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease.
He goes to greet the first patient and the chap replies:
"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."
Tony, being somewhat confused (easily done) goes to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies:
"Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit."
The third starts rattling off as follows:
"Wee sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an chase thee, wi murdering pattle!"
Tony turns to the doctor accompanying him and asks what sort of ward is this. A mental ward?
This morning as I was driving to work the car in front of me suddenly came to a screeching stop. I hit my brakes hard and skidded to a stop about two inches from the other car's rear bumper. I heard the squeal of brakes behind me and braced myself for the impact but that car too managed to stop barely in time.
The man in the car in front of me jumped out of his car and ran around to the front. He got down on his knees and was making some strange movements. I thought "Oh my God, he's hit somebody!"
I jumped out of my car and so did the man in the car behind me. As we both ran to the front we heard the man yelling "don't die, please don't die!"
When I got there I saw the man on his knees and there in front of him was rabbit. He had hit a rabbit! He was having an absolute fit about that rabbit.
The man from the third car said, "I think I can fix this situation." And he walked back to his car and returned a moment later with a spray can. He sprayed the rabbit and suddenly it jumped up, turned and ran off. When it got about ten yards out it stopped and waved to us and then continued to run away. After going another ten yards it stopped and waved again. It repeated this until it was out of sight.
"What was that stuff you sprayed on it?" I asked him.
His reply was, "Hair restorer with a permanent wave."