Any one marry their spouse because of their great spiritual qualities only to find out later that they are terrible in bed?
Then on trying to improve things in the passion department find they are a hopeless case or hindered by church conditioning? Appreciating their fine qualities as mother/father, homemaker/provider but realizing too late how important good sex can be.

I'd rather have someone passion-less, than someone abusive or too weird.

Bear in mind that the following is from an experienced woman's point of view:

If YOU are great in bed, it doesn't matter all that much if your partner is a dud! Lighten up. Laugh as much as possible before and after, but never make fun of your partner. Try to improve the relationship outside the bedroom. If you have serious, deal-breaking issues, you need to address those in a neutral setting. Never coach or criticize during love-making. Read books, talk to someone who knows (not your bishop), and do what you can to improve YOUR end of things. Often a bad partner is too disinterested to even want help.

That said, YOU can spice things up on your own. Be irresistible! Shower, shave, put on scent, light candles or a cozy fire, wear something fun (not garments), Don't be too forced or fake. just sit there, reading the paper or watching TV. I adore men in a short-sleeved CLEAN tee shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. Women have success with fabrics that are touchable, though men prefer nudity, go figure. Visuals are powerful! So are smells. Have your partner choose the scent. Keep your bedroom, closet, and bathroom nice, at all times. It is your stage. Men like mirrors (women don't). Food is seductive. Music can set a mood. But be subtle.

Happy, smiling people make the best sex partners, IMO. Be glad you have your spouse! Appreciate her/him, and praise him/her. This can't be faked, but I'm sure there is something you like about your spouse. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move. I was talking to some man friends about how often they had sex, and one guy said the sex was great, but he had to make the first move. I said, "So what." My advice is not to wait for your spouse to make the first move. If you are rejected, laugh it off, and have sex with your great-looking self.

Let me add that no one is "hopeless"!

Maybe the person feels bad about himself/herself. Maybe that person is depressed, or ill. Maybe it has nothing to do with sex. Maybe she is hormonal, or is recovering from having a baby. Maybe the person is worried about their job. Caring about what is going on with your spouse will make him/her more responsive to you.

Good advice by Multiply.

You know what else helps?

Going away together. If you live on the Wasatch Front, if you go away for the weekend to Lava Hot Springs, Mesquite, Wendover or Park City (during the summer when the rates are cheaper); that will be very romantic.

Multiply and replenish Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd rather have someone passion-less, than someone
> abusive or too weird.

I do hope that you are not saying that because a person is not "spiritual" (whatever that means) they are abusive or too weird.

>
> Bear in mind that the following is from an
> experienced woman's point of view:
>
> If YOU are great in bed, it doesn't matter all
> that much if your partner is a dud!

That is like saying to an expert waltzer, it doesn't matter if their partner does not know how to waltz. It is nonsense. It sounds like a person with limited experience (one dud and no other partners) trying to make the best of a bad situation.

I have had lots of sexual experiences with a lot of different partners. There are experienced partners that can set of the fireworks with just a feather, there are duds who are so bad they are a turn-off.

Sexual comparability is very important in a sexual relationship. A "spiritual" person may like candles, soft music, and sensual, while a non-spiritual person may like to let the animal come out to play.

my experience is that unsexual people make the best long term partners. They bond for reasons other than bedroom athletics. Believe me, I've been with both. Freaky sex = temporary booking.

Now you are making me feel guilty for not enjoying sex more. I had a fantastic lover that wanted to marry me. But, I declined because he was not emotionally or financially stable.

Later I met and married my husband. I knew before hand that the sex was not that great but, he would be a good father, companion, and provider. Our marriage is secure and committed, but oh how I miss that really fantastic sex!

I had a good sexual relationship go completely sour over two mistakes my husband made.

* He was mean to me when I hit menopause, was sweaty and had low libido. It made me feel like he didn't love me, that my sexuality was what he was interested in and now I wasn't delivering.

* He talked about intimate sexual behavior of his last wife. It dawned on me that he was or could be in the future making fun of me the same way.

The last one was the real deal breaker. You know when you are hot you are a little ridiculous. It's an implied bargain that we don't repeat to others the details of our partner's arousal sequence or preferences.

Forget denying the Holy Ghost. Repeating a partner's sexytime behavior is the real unforgiveable sin. As my daughter so eloquently says, it's a boner killer.


Anagrammy

It's one more reason why the TSCC policy across the board is to "buy blindly". Make the promise before you know what you are promising. Commit yourself eternally without knowing the details or the truth. Bind yourself forever to someone you barely know.

You don't eat something without reading the label, you don't buy a car without a test drive. You wouldn't vote without familiarizing yourself with the platform. You would't buy a house without an inspection.

But you are required to forego all common sense when it comes to choosing a spouse for eternity???? I personally think that if you can keep your hands off each other long enough to get to the alter first, then you probably shouldn't get married.

And on top of that, failure to fully disclose all information can break any contract but the Mormon contract for your eternal salvation--supposedly the most important contract you will ever make?

If eternal marriage made any sense at all, it would be as a covenant made at the end of your time together when you can say you really know each other and freely choose eternity together because you actually know what that will mean.

I have found it interesting that many other faiths will recommend/require that the betrothed couple wait until they have known each other for months or even a year before being married.

I have always thought that it makes more sense for a couple to be married in a civil ceremony first and that they should have to be married for at least a year before the temple ceremony is even permitted.