I read stories here that parents bequest all their wealth to Church and practically shaft the children.
I realize as a parent or individual they have every right to behave they find it appropriate.

But I don't have to respond to that behavior civilly. I'd let them know under no uncertain terms that I hate what they do.
I'd refuse to have a relationship with them.

Are you talking about children or adult children?

I wouldn't cut my parents off over money. Other reasons, yes, but not money. I don't feel that we have any right to mine (not that they have any) or my inlaws' money. They earned it, they can do what they like with it. If they want to leave it to a church, an animal shelter, blow it on travel, or feed pigeons in the park, it's their money.

I don't like seeing parents favoring one child over another. However, if I had a child who was a druggie, I certainly wouldn't fund their habit by leaving them money.

You would refuse to have a relationship based purely on the way they divest their Mammon?

I'm not sure that I think that is entirely reasonable (or emotionally healthy).

I think there are good reasons for severing such ties, though: primarily any form of physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse.

I suppose that you could argue that limiting an inheritance to children because of enormous contributions to the Church would constitute physical abuse IF the children (adult or otherwise) were financially destitue and unable to provide for themselves, but otherwise it is just selfish and silly--a waste of money, really. No need to severe ties...

In my opinion, if financial stability exists for the children then do what you like with your money...

it should be a clear-as-day indicator that they are out of their skulls insane.

You should immediately have them declared incompetent and their will or directive nullified.

My parents basically gave the church all they had 'before' they died. My 5 TBM siblings who don't have a problem with that stupidity, can take care of them.

They already know to not call me when things go down the toilet. My parents are in their mid 80's. Diabetic, major problems with hips and knees. I hope they have good insurance.

They signed their house over to my brother, and my parents live in the basement. He signed up for their care as far as I'm concerned.

I bet the entire household cringes every time they hear "LOve AT Home" being sang. They've fought like cats and dogs all their lives. I don't know why it would be any different now.

So glad you made a good choice and let them go.

It's theirs.

I don't have a right to expect it. Maybe that's easy for me to say because don't think there will be anything left at the end.

But I would expect that loving parents with money would consider the needs of their own children before they left their money to an organization.

I mean really . . . who do they love more?

I'm with imaworkinonit - I don't personally feel that I have any right to my parents' money and therefor wouldn't particularly care. I didn't earn it. Why is it my right to tell them what to do with it? The belief that adult children have a right to their parents' money is a remnant of feudalism and completely outdated.

Agreed.

"But I would expect that loving parents with money would consider the needs of their own children before they left their money to an organization."

I personally think it is uber-cruel for a parent to bequest their wealth to church.

Wow, I'm so glad to see so many who see this the same way I do. I thought I was the only one. Of course it would be great to receive an inheritance. But to me, it's so much more about the sentiment and relationship than about the dosh, so I'm happy to think of having a piece of Mom's jewellery or other keepsake (or especially a piece that belonged to Mom's mom). I certainly don't claim any right to the parents' $$$, as I didn't earn it. Even more, I would have liked to see them enjoy what they had themselves. I've never understood working really hard and saving a lot of money that you never use but just pass on to your offspring. Why not use it yourselves and enjoy what you've accomplished? Take a cruise, go 'round the world, buy yourself something you've always wanted, support a great cause that will live on when you're gone.

My dad was into lifelong learning and encouraging kids to read (just like he did with us from birth, which has produced five prodigious readers) and so it's fitting for us that he got involved with schools and scholarships. I love to think of that living on after him and would much rather see that than have the money myself.

Of course, if a large sum is involved it may be harder to turn away from it. So much easier to be philosophical about theoretical cash. :)

I never expected anything from my parents. In fact, never wanted any of their money.

However, they should have made sure that their own needs would be covered before they squandered their retirement money on the church.

Who will they go to if they need anything outside of their meager income? Their first thought would be me, even though I haven't had anything to do with them for almost 20 years. I'm the child with the most money. My other sibs are scraping by with the exception of one. They have a lot of financial responsibilities of their own though. We all know the church won't spare a dime.

I've considered looking into doing some kind of legal move that would remove me from the family if possible. Out of the whole bunch I have one sister that i'm friends with. Other than that I wouldn't answer my door to any of them.

I agree with you, Mia, that we should plan for our own needs and look after ourselves as much as possible, at least for the basics, instead of giving away all that we have, or too much of it. It just makes no sense otherwise, and I think that a church as all-consuming as the Mormon Church should actively teach its members the value of getting things in the right order. All the churches I have attended except the Mormon Church give instructions and advice and counsel to their congregants about how to be "good stewards", a highly-prized ideal from the Bible. Nobody expects people to give away so much of their money or belongings that they cannot care for themselves in later years. In fact, that would be strongly discouraged.

I can see that it would totally bite to see parents give their money away and then as their kids be expected to look after them financially and otherwise.

I'm sorry you came up short in the family lottery. Mine has had its very rough patches but somehow we find a bit of common ground on which to cling, if only by a few toenails at times. When we have our Hallmark moments, it seems worth it, to us, to make the effort. There are times when that isn't always the best, or even possible, for many people and it's too bad when that happens. I know that sometimes it's best to break the ties, definitely. Fortunately, non-family people can become the great friends we need to help us get through this life, which nobody said would be a picnic, and nobody is right.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2012 06:04PM by Nightingale.

In our family, we may have to sell some prime land to settle the estate, and I cringe to think that one of my TBM siblings is almost guaranteed to give most of it to the church instead of helping out his kids & grandkids. What's worse, his kids will probably think it's great to build up God's Kingdom on Earth.

It will be his to do with, but still, prime coastal California real estate gets translated to TSCC largess (and he'll probably pay to go on a senior mission out of his own pocket).

I don't really want the inheritance I am supposed to get for myself, but I do want to give it to my own kids because I've been through a divorce with an ex who hasn't supported the kids at all and they are so in need of some money.

I've been a "quiet apostate" for many years purposely so that this inheritance can go to my kids. I would have earned a lot more money except for a motor vehicle accident which has led to periods of unemployment, sadly.