I posted this in mini-rant in XYZ's thread, but thought I'd start it anew here, looking for doctrinal clarity or hilarity.

In the midst of all the "legitimate rape" and "God wanted you to have that rape baby" business going on pre-election I told my wife, that as far as I knew, Mormon doctrine agreed with the God-intended rape-pregnancy line of thinking, as Mormon doctrine says that spirits are chosen/pre-determined specific to the bodies they will be born into.

She gave me the "I'm offended that you'd say that!" consternation, which I think is the standard response to instant-onset cog dis.

The whole pre-existence doctrine makes no logical sense whatsoever, anyway: "So, you're telling me that I used to be a fully developed intelligent being, but that existence was completely unnecessary as it has been wiped from all our memories?"

We might as well have been born both body and spirit (if you believe in spirits) all together for the first time right here on earth, skipping that useless first stage. If God (assuming belief, again) had played his cards right, he could have absolved himself of all responsibility for his spirit children being born in unfair and vastly different circumstances here on earth, simply by letting nature/random selection create us.

But now that you believe in a pre-existence and you realize that birth is now a patently unfair system, you need to devise even more theology claiming people got what they deserved when born -- that blacks/minorities were less valiant in the pre-existence.

Oh wait! That's not politically correct any more. Damn, well, I guess we'll just ignore the logical difficulties of having a coherent pre-existence doctrine and hope that nobody asks any questions of our always answer-less leaders.

So yeah, own that you believe that rape-pregnancies are Gods' will, Mormons -- better yet, start owning all your crazy and contradictory doctrines instead of thinking you can pick and choose to make your comparmentalization convenient.

So, with my NOM (TBM when challenged) wife not sure if the Church has nailed down a solid pre-existence policy, I guess it's something like this:

When you are born Mormon it was part of the pre-existence plan; congratulations on being a Saturdays' Warrior.

All other regular Non-Mormon pregnancies; We're not going to say it anymore, but actually you were kinda' less valiant, and it doesn't have anything to do with skin color -- honest! All Europeans are in this category too, so...

If you were a rape-pregnancy; You were destined to be in the regular Non-Mormon birth category, but anytime there is a rape-pregnancy down there on planet Earth, there is a @#$%&-outta-luck lottery in your category, the loser of which is no longer pre-destined to his original less-valiant location. Destiny changed, sorry sucker!

Anyone got any better theories? lol



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2012 01:44PM by reasonabledoubt.

unelectable hilbillies (one in MO, one in IN) who think so.

Plus a certain former bishop/stake president/unelectable presidential candidate who shall remain nameless who seems to agree.

After reading all the Old Testament I could stomach, I came to the conclusion that the three previously mentioned assholes do actually believe what the Bible says, because the words of Hebrew god are right there in black and white! Yep! That old fucker is OK with bringing spirit children to an earthly sphere even if rape is the vehicle for doing so. And not only is he OK with it, he actually commands it to be performed on trophies of war (female captives).