If she wants to have a priest sprinkle water on his head, she can do that here in America. She is angry at me though, because she wants to have him baptized in a Russian Orthodox church in front of her entire family. I refuse to allow the trip because of the very real possibility that they will not come back.

I have a court order in place, so she can't take the child out of the country, or get a passport, but I always worry that she will try to just sneak around all of that. What can I do?

My advice, keep doing what you are doing. Who cares what the ex thinks or wants, this is about you and your child.

I told her in no uncertain words that he is not going to Russia. She then complained that it was not fair, because I was the one who ended our marriage, before accusing me of cheating. This last is a favorite claim of hers, because after I moved out, after we had already filed for divorce, I started seeing other people. In her mind, I was committing adultery, because we were still married. In my mind, our marriage had ended the day I got sick of her abuse, and walked into the divorce lawyers office, which I only did because she said she was going to take the baby and go to Russia, and never come back.

I hope for the best for you, fcd.

Just the other day I was talking with a women who's whole job for several ears was reuniting parents with children who were stolen to another country by an ex. Her own child was stolen by the father to Europe as a two year old. The mother had to steal the girl back 5 years later, her daughter didn't even know who she was as her biological mother's existence was never mentioned in her father's house. It was a horrible story.

My point is, there are organizations that deal exclusively with this issue and it seems prevention is key. Find one of those organizations, or there may even be a forum for this issue online, and start getting info now from people who know. If she does take him to Russia and refuse to return, you will have one hell of a time getting him back.

It may even help to contact someone in a govt dept dealing with immigrations or foreign affairs and seek advice from them. I wonder if it's possible to have your son placed on the the no fly list or something...

I had no idea there were people in place to help with this sort of issue.

It is also extremely expensive. You pretty much have to remortgage a house, and from what I understand Russia is a hell of a lot harder to get a kid back from then a lot of other countries.

FCD, can you talk to an attorney? If she's made repeated threats to take your child out of the country, maybe the custody decision needs to be re-thought. At the very least, your concerns and her threats need to be documented.

I'm so sorry you and your child are going through this.

I already talked to an attorney. The guy who handled by divorce actually specializes in getting kids back from other countries, and specifically Russia. He is really good at it, and it is the sole reason he is my lawyer. He is so good at it, that my ex-wife's mother, who is a Russian attorney got really upset when she found out I hired him, because she was trying to get my ex to hire him first, so he would be out of the picture.

If I recall that passport rule correctly...even non-custodial parents have to give their consent to have one issued for a child. That keeps the child in-country regardless.

I looked into getting one for my DD a few years ago but decided it wasn't worth the trouble of dealing with my wacko ex.

I am so sorry! Not because of her wanting to baptize him but because of the very real fear you have that she will kidnap him. I watch a lot of lifetime movies...

Keep in mind what you most likely already know, which is that court custodial papers documenting sole right to apply for a passport or signatures -- even notarized signatures -- can be forged. I would attempted to have my child placed on the CPIAP
(see excerpt from website below).

The material below is copied from "The Divorce Center" website.
it's a Florida-based site but that pertaining to the issue in question is covered under federal law, so it's pertinent regardless of your U. S. state.


http://www.18884mydivorce.com/pub/Childcustody/passport.htm

If you are in fear of your ex-spouse removing your child to another country, the best thing to do is petition the court to order a surrender of the child's passport. You must have a realistic fear of an impending abduction. Many courts will seal the passport in the court file. Future requests to travel abroad with the child must be made in a court hearing.


For children that do not have a valid passport, there are several ways to safeguard the child. Either parent, whether a U.S. citizen or not, may apply for the U.S. passport for their minor child. However, the Two Parent Consent Law, effective July 2, 2001, requires that, for a child under the age of 14, both parents must consent to issuance, or the applying parent must document his/her sole authority to obtain a passport for the child. Thus, before a passport is issued for such a child, Passport Services will require evidence of one of the following: sole custody, a court order allowing the parent to travel with the child; a written statement under penalty of perjury that the other parent agrees to issuance or is unavailable, a termination of the other parent’s parental rights, or compelling humanitarian reasons relating to the welfare of the child.

A concerned parent may request may request the Office of Children’s Issues to place the child’s name in the Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program (CPIAP) lookout system. Under this system, the Department of State will notify the requesting parent or attorney that a passport application is being filed for the child. In these cases, if the Department has on file a court order granting sole custody to one parent, or restricting the child’s travel, the passport would be denied.

The address is:
U.S. Department of State Office of Children's Issues
Fourth Floor 2100 Pennsylvania Avenue
N.W. Washington, D.C. 20520

Phone: 1-888-407-4747 Fax: 1-202-736-9133

All requests must be in writing, and include the child’s full name, date of birth, place of birth, social security number, address, and phone number of the requester.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2012 01:06PM by scmd.

Behold the power of RFM, FCD, if I were you I would be on the phone with these guys today.

Thanks so much for finding the info scmd. You should also get his fingerprints done. I know our police here will do it as part of a child safety kit.

DNA wouldn't be a bad idea either. Make sure you always have a good current photo of him, and know his height and weight.

As soon as he's old enough, be sure he knows how to call you from anywhere in the world. You might want to sew a phone number into pockets until then.

You're going to have to have some talks with child that won't be easy. I don't know how you tell a child about abduction without scaring them. Maybe a child therapist could help you with that.

Actually, already on that, and I have DNA documentation too. I have a really good attorney.

Russian Orthodox........... Are those the people that don't cut their facial hair and the women dress traditionally (like in long skirts and cover their hair) and there are quite a few religious holidays....? I think there is a large population near me.
I like the passport advice, but you just never know......don't count on that! Seek legal advice, or definitely contact an organization who knows a lot about it.

Only priests. It is pretty much the.same as Greek Orthodox except that they use Russian in their liturgy. It is the major religion in much of the world.I woulnt let him go either. Skype it or send a video.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2012 12:12AM by bona dea.

As someone whose home church was Eastern Orthodox, I can tell you that this sounds like the scam of the century. It can be performed in Florida and it's just as good. In fact, it should ideally be performed by a priest who would know and serve the child, even if he's not going to be a regular parishioner.

As a card-carrying Eastrrn European, I have full license to make the following statement: CYA. Scams, manipulation, and irrationality are as much a part of the culture as Orthodoxy. I guess I probably am preaching to the choir after you were married to one. And honestly, if I were BORN into the situation that many of my genetic brethren were, I don't see why I'd be any different.

Just CYA. She's up to something.

I just want to add, tell her they can skype to the ceremony.

Go to http://travel.state.gov/abduction/prevention/passportissuance/passportissuance_554.html and then fill out http://www.state.gov/documents/organization/80112.pdf and send it in.

E-mail: PreventAbduction@state.gov
Phone: 1-888-407-4747 Fax: 202-736-9133

here in which the child can be baptized. Russian, Greek, Ukrainian, Romanian Orthodox churches abound in the US. So there is no need to be going to the old country to do this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2012 06:30PM by acerbicone.

I would consider seeking supervised custody only. I would seek it on the grounds that she keeps threatening to take him to Russia. I would think it would be easier to get a small child out of this country than people realize.

Getting him out may not be difficult. It's getting him back in that would be the nightmare.

In addition to what Alex has said above:

Contact the consular duty officer of the nearest consulate or embassy of her country in America, and warn them of what you think your wife may do and in no uncertain terms, assert your parental rights by telling them that a) you have an order forbidding her to leave with your child and b) you expressely forbid her to go with your child to that country without you physically being present. That any paper she attempts to provide when leaving this country or arriving in hers that says otherwise, is a forgery--- and you are putting them on notice that she may attempt this.


Then turn around and call the consular duty office at the nearest US consulate of ours, closest to her home in whatever country she is from and may attempt to flee to--or the US embassy if they have one there. Explain your issue. While they cannot intervene, they certainly can alert their friends in that country, who may choose to stop her at the airport upon arrival, or handle her in whatever country she tries to pass thru first to get there, such as the UK (you hope, because they will actively help you get your kid back) or an EU country (which will be more open to returning your child to you than her home country may be).

This used to happen all the time with Polish women married to US men; once they got that kid back to Poland, that was that, until the kid turned of age. The kid was staying there, going nowhere, dual US citizen or not. If he is there and she wants him there; if she is his mother and she is a legal citizen of that country, dual or not, once in country it is that country and its rules that apply. It would take years to get the mother to permit the child to see its father even if he traveled there expressly to do that, and it usually just never happened as she would file there to prevent it.

STOP HER FROM LEAVING. YOU MAY NOT GET ANOTHER CHANCE AT THIS.

Have her and the child on a 'Watch List'.

Leak some salacious info about your "terrorist" ex and get her name on the no fly list.

CBS' 48 Hours has had several programs on overseas abductions of kids by a parent.

If I recall correctly, in one of the cases, the foreign-citizen parent went to their nation's embassy to get a passport issued for the child. Even though that parent did not have sole custody or even joint custody, the embassy issued the child a passport without notifying or getting consent from the custodial parent.

You may want to have an atty investigate whether a Russian passport could be issued for your son and if there is anything that can be done to prevent that.